Mrlonelyone Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I have been reading up on this subject and think it might make for a good discussion. I know it's a touchy subject (lol) but everyone does it. I mean why not? I have read that it's possible to become addicted to porn, and self release such that one looses motivation to seek out a sexual partner and relationship. That this can contribute to a state of involuntary celibacy. The idea is to refrain from that...until at least asking a woman out or going on a date. I have read of some people refusing to masturbate ever again and this motivates them to go out and do whatever it takes to get sex. Has anyone else tried this? Does it work? Or does one end up just as frustrated but now with blue balls?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 It doesn't work, from my experience. You just get more sexually frustrated.
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 How much motivation are we talking here? I do it about every day and on average I ask out one girl every 2-3 months. How would not masturbating change that?
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 Somedude. Suppose you said to yourself. You would not do it unless you asked out a girl that day. Would that not make you more likely to ask a girl out? Would that not make it more likely that you would find a good woman. She does not have to say yes or be available. It might make you ask out women who right now you would not give a serious second look. You might even find that such a woman is who you have been looking for all along. In other words it might make you more likely to take a risk... Risk the pain of rejection for the relief of release.
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 The thing is, I don't ask out random girls. I try to see if there is a connection first then ask her out when the time feels right. That really doesn't have any ties to how horny I am. What I can see happening, is that not jerking for a while could make me hornier, and so I'd lower my standards just so I can try and bang somebody. Which might not actually be a bad thing. In other words, I could start asking out girls who don't interest me, just so I could have sex with them.
utterer of lies Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Has anyone else tried this? Does it work? It works for me.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 Who said it would be "random"? Like you I tend to want to become friends first then ask a girl out. The real problem with that isn't the "friendzone". The real problem is that making a true friend is probably harder than finding a possible lover....who can become a friend latter on. So theoretically asking out more women would not mean "lowering your standards".... but taking a risk of rejection. Fear of rejection or heartbreak can be a strong motivation to stay single. I have been trying to get over that. I thought that could be a technique that I could try and wondered if anyone here had tried it. I may just try the experiment myself this week.
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 The friendzone is a different issue that I'm not too worried about anymore. The way I am now, if a girl is cute and I have fun with her, I will ask her out. Being hornier may have enough influence to change what I consider cute and also to not worry about how I get along with a girl. It probably would be a good thing for me to be driven by the desire to mate, instead of trying to get a relationship.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 The desire to mate works for every other animal. Let's face it many many relationships that lasted started out based on the desire to mate... friendship, and love came latter. Don't fence yourself into the romantic ideals that we are sold in this culture. Love can come from a much more strange or mundane chain of events.
marlena Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 The desire to mate works for every other animal. Let's face it many many relationships that lasted started out based on the desire to mate... friendship, and love came latter. Don't fence yourself into the romantic ideals that we are sold in this culture. Love can come from a much more strange or mundane chain of events. Wow! At last a post that busts myths and tells things as they are! Thumbs up!
Fondue Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Nah, I don't think I can abstain from it. It gives me an excuse to no longer lust over someone or try and pursue certain women. It makes me not care-- which at this stage in my life, is exactly what I need. It makes me no longer care about trying to build a relationship. This is nice. Because in the end, it's the same thing with sex for me. After I have sex with the woman I am targeting, right then after, I no longer want her. I just want to leave. What's done is done, and I don't care much on continuing it. So masturbation prevents all that and just keeps my life simple at this current moment. I don't want to even attempt to abstain from it .
Kelemort Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Conjecture only, but I've really only heard of masturbation and porn causing sex problems when a person is already in a relationship. Maybe it's communication problems that caused it or the partner is just depressed or unwilling to put in the effort it takes to actually have sex. Never have met many men who would rather masturbate and watch porn than have an actual relationship.
Ross PK Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 It wouldn't make any difference for me. It'd just make me feel very depressed and frustrated all the time, it's not a natural way to live and it's not healthy either.
MrNate Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) I have been reading up on this subject and think it might make for a good discussion. I know it's a touchy subject (lol) but everyone does it. I mean why not? I have read that it's possible to become addicted to porn, and self release such that one looses motivation to seek out a sexual partner and relationship. That this can contribute to a state of involuntary celibacy. The idea is to refrain from that...until at least asking a woman out or going on a date. I have read of some people refusing to masturbate ever again and this motivates them to go out and do whatever it takes to get sex. Has anyone else tried this? Does it work? Or does one end up just as frustrated but now with blue balls? The idea itself wouldn't be bad to kick things into gear. I think the bold phrase above is what ties everything together. Sure, we can say all sorts of things about how women are mean, or whatever. But let's be honest with ourselves, how often do we ask women out? (Hm.) I think as a healthy man, (and for men in general) we should focus our energies on questions like: -How can I become a better person? -How can I increase my social circle? -How can I make myself more attractive? -What am I doing each day to make life worth living? It's just a gut feeling, but I believe everything concerning women will then naturally fall into place. Edited March 29, 2011 by MrNate
marlena Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 It wouldn't make any difference for me. It'd just make me feel very depressed and frustrated all the time, it's not a natural way to live and it's not healthy either. What´s not natural is to not have any sexual release at all.
Lilmisus Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I get what you're saying, and I've heard of this before though I don't know anyone who has tried it. I think that this really depends on the person though for them to consider it, or for it to work or even have a chance of working. The guys who have given up on finding a partner and are just satisfied with watching porn whenever they want to, or those who are scared of rejection, could benefit from at least trying it. Those though who already have no issue with asking out girls when it feels right, don't really need to even consider this since it won't benefit them at all - only get them desperate to the point of breaking and going after anyone who is of age and female. But if you try this, it can't be like "I need to masturbate asap! Where's a chick so I can get it over with?" You have to be willing to go days, weeks, or even months without it so that you don't just find yourself just settling for anybody. If you aren't willing to do that, then there isn't really a point to this besides learning how to ask out any girl you see walk by just so you can masturbate that day. Regardless though, I do think that this is a great way to convince some guys to go out on a limb and ask out girls whenever they aren't motivated to do so already, some can really benefit from it. Not only could it teach them more of the art of asking out girls and taking them out, but it can also prepare them for when a great girl comes into their life and they really do want to ask them out (without lack of masturbation being an issue), and don't have to worry about fear or lack of confidence to get in their way.
Ross PK Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 What´s not natural is to not have any sexual release at all. That's what I mean, not masturbating.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Is it like, masturbation will be your reward at the end of the day if you've asked a woman out that day? It sounds kind of like me, cookies and working out.
Cee Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I did voluntary celibacy for an extended period of time so that I could remove myself from my "addiction" to men and work on myself. Not masturbating is frustrating at first, but the sex drive wanes. Having done celibacy, I don't recommend it. Absolute celibacy doesn't really serve a purpose, but it was an interesting experiment.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 The idea itself wouldn't be bad to kick things into gear. I think the bold phrase above is what ties everything together. Sure, we can say all sorts of things about how women are mean, or whatever. But let's be honest with ourselves, how often do we ask women out? (Hm.) I think as a healthy man, (and for men in general) we should focus our energies on questions like: -How can I become a better person? -How can I increase my social circle? -How can I make myself more attractive? -What am I doing each day to make life worth living? It's just a gut feeling, but I believe everything concerning women will then naturally fall into place. Well Nate 90+ % of the time that's just the way it works. When everything else clicks into place, given a reasonable time a good woman comes along. Some people can have a great career, good finances, no health or mental issues... and be involuntarily celibate by no fault of their own. I.e. a person can have all of that but say.... work at an isolated govt. installation. I hear that Lost Alamos National Laboratory is like that. The few women that are there are said to take full advantage of their rarity and the suicide rate is higher than would be expected. Los Alamos may be an exceptional example but men and women can get stuck in a rut where they end up not socializing with anyone suitable for a relationship (interesting, interested, and available). i.e. A young MD who works for days in a row sometimes without sleep who only knows married doctors and nurses. One who has no free time for anything outside of work at that stage in their career. i.e. A person who's a single parent working two jobs too support two children... between their jobs and their children they may not have time for any extra socializing for years and years. I can go on but you get the idea. Someone being incel can be and almost always is by no situation that can be easily and/or ethically changed. Sometimes it could be simple complacency.... one gets used to being alone and does not try to change their condition. For some of us male and female it can provide the shock needed to get out of the rut.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 That's not quite what I mean.... Not abstaining from sex.... just from masturbation. This would force one to seek sex in order to get release.
Teknoe Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 The idea itself wouldn't be bad to kick things into gear. I think the bold phrase above is what ties everything together. Sure, we can say all sorts of things about how women are mean, or whatever. But let's be honest with ourselves, how often do we ask women out? (Hm.) I think as a healthy man, (and for men in general) we should focus our energies on questions like: -How can I become a better person? -How can I increase my social circle? -How can I make myself more attractive? -What am I doing each day to make life worth living? It's just a gut feeling, but I believe everything concerning women will then naturally fall into place. Well said. I agree. However, sometimes for me at least it's easier said than done. I often daydream and fantasize about my crush(es), rather than making myself a better man. Well, no more! (Hopefully and prayerfully). I need to step it up and the rest will fall in place. I encourage every other guy to take this mindset too if you don't already. Work on ourselves, and the right lady will come at just the right time.
MrNate Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Well said. I agree. However, sometimes for me at least it's easier said than done. I often daydream and fantasize about my crush(es), rather than making myself a better man. Well, no more! (Hopefully and prayerfully). I need to step it up and the rest will fall in place. I encourage every other guy to take this mindset too if you don't already. Work on ourselves, and the right lady will come at just the right time. Yep! Remember, the great men throughout history, and those we personally know weren't remembered for what they thought. But what they did.
betterdeal Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Sex is alright, but it's not as good as the real thing...
betterdeal Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I have been reading up on this subject and think it might make for a good discussion. I know it's a touchy subject (lol) but everyone does it. I mean why not? I have read that it's possible to become addicted to porn, and self release such that one looses motivation to seek out a sexual partner and relationship. That this can contribute to a state of involuntary celibacy. The idea is to refrain from that...until at least asking a woman out or going on a date. I have read of some people refusing to masturbate ever again and this motivates them to go out and do whatever it takes to get sex. Has anyone else tried this? Does it work? Or does one end up just as frustrated but now with blue balls? Why don't you give it a go and see if it works for you? You write a lot about stuff but don't appear to actually do any of it. Stop thinking and start doing.
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