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Why do we wish the ex would return, even when we have our answer?

TryingtoUnderstand32

By TryingtoUnderstand32
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

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I have been given a very detailed, emotional, explanation on why our relationship didn't work. My brain knows it really IS over. But my heart keeps whispering "maybe he will change his mind, when he misses you, maybe he will feel so much pain that he will call".

 

I'm too old to be thinking like a teenager. :lmao:

Fufu Established Member

Fufu

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These thoughts are normal during the journey of your healing process. I thought and dreamt of my ex coming back to me, however when I woke up, I was back in reality again.

 

If they really did care about us, there are plenty of opportunities for them to come back, however they choose not to.

 

Don't live your world and dream for them, live for yourself.

 

It will hurt a lot in the beginning, but as time passes, day by day, you become stronger.

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

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These thoughts are normal during the journey of your healing process. I thought and dreamt of my ex coming back to me, however when I woke up, I was back in reality again.

 

If they really did care about us, there are plenty of opportunities for them to come back, however they choose not to.

 

Don't live your world and dream for them, live for yourself.

 

It will hurt a lot in the beginning, but as time passes, day by day, you become stronger.

 

 

I feel like I will never be complete..

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

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You go from having all these plans, and look forward to's, hopes and than in a few minutes its all gone.

 

Going back to having too much time on my own..its too much for me right now.

Fufu Established Member

Fufu

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You are a complete person, always have been. He does not design or build to complete you life at all.

 

I came to realize that our ex bfs are not our only source of happiness, there are so many things around us and in us can give us happiness, not necessary from someone who choose to let go of us.

 

You will be happy when you start thinking you are. It all starts in our brain, our own mind set. We can choose to be happy and look forward to better future or choose to think about past and being stuck there in sadness and disbelieve.

 

Sometimes we felt they let us down, however we are the ones that let ourselves down the most when we refused to move on.

 

You can do it :)

Beeotch Established Member

Beeotch

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I have been given a very detailed, emotional, explanation on why our relationship didn't work. My brain knows it really IS over. But my heart keeps whispering "maybe he will change his mind, when he misses you, maybe he will feel so much pain that he will call".

 

I'm too old to be thinking like a teenager. :lmao:

 

Aww...it's not thinking like a teenager...it's being human.

 

No matter how rational we are...when emotions hit, they hit and sense goes flying through the window. No one likes disappointment, going from attachment to detaching is a haaaaaaaaaaaard thing! Even if it was a bad relationship, sometimes it is still hard to get used to not having that routine and safety blanket, the unknown is scary, furthermore if you thought things were good, you'll even more miss it and you not want to let go. It's normal.

 

Everyone likes easy, everyone likes knowing, everyone wants safety and comfort...breaking up rips all that away on so many levels and does make you even question your worth. It is natural to want to run back to "shelter" which is for this person to come back, embrace you, say they made a mistake and provide that shelter back and in some ways validate that you're great and worth it. That's just how it is.

 

But....once you go through the healing process, you start to grapple with these feelings and questions and rebuild :) Overtime those desperate and panicked thoughts and feelings that want the shelter subside and you let it go and step out into the world again. So don't feel bad. You feel how you feel. It is normal although irrational. Ride it and feel it...and now eventually you will rise above it.;)

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

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I keep wondering if he feels any pain. It would be so much easier if he were mean to me or didn't really care for me.

snug.bunny Established Member

snug.bunny

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Sweety, you're perfectly normal and so is what you're feeling. Your heart has been broken and breaking up is called breaking for a reason. It is a very traumatic thing to go through and it takes time to recover from. I know it hurts but that will subside and at one point, it will feel as though it never happened.

Beeotch Established Member

Beeotch

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I keep wondering if he feels any pain. It would be so much easier if he were mean to me or didn't really care for me.

 

I'm sure he does....

 

The truth is: people reject relationships not people often.

 

Meaning: sometimes a relationship is not right. Nothing is wrong with the other, they do not "hate" you, or are trying to be malicious etc. but as much as you have good intentions or like/love someone....sometimes it just isn't working and isn't supposed to work even. Sometimes you need to go on a different path than this person and the only way you can go is to release them. As the dumper, you realize this sometimes, and it is not a win-win as no matter what saying goodbye will be hurtful....BUT someone has to do it and in the end usually we go our own way and do different things and our life continues and we realize why we had to separate. If you know this, then you have to make that choice and be the bigger person.lt is more hurtful to know the truth and continue with the relationship....

 

 

I am sure he cares and is hurt but is trying to be strong....which is why it is important to look at the lessons in it for YOU instead of basing things on what you think the other person thinks and feels. He told you the truth already....so now it is time to see where your new path is leading than worrying about what he thinks/feels.

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

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To make it worse...just found out he is still moving into "our" apartment that we picked out together and he is keeping "our" furniture that we picked out together. Just weird to me.

ihatedrama Member

ihatedrama

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I think it is absoutely normal to feel this way. Honestly i am feeling the same thing at this point. My rational mind tells me it is over and i have to move on without any hopes that he will return. But my heart keeps telling me the opposite. But i do start to believe more and more that i will eventually get over this feeling. We just really need give time time to heal our wounds. Even i know it is really hard each day, we still need move forward. Because that is exactly what our exs are doing.

DollyGirl12 Established Member

DollyGirl12

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A little strange because I think no matter what end we are on we all wish it was different. I always wished that my ex would have just come out and told me something was wrong, or that he wasn't feeling the same, instead of sneaking around responding to Craigslist ads. I would have much rather got a letter like yours. But on your end you wish you had the opposite.

I think now, for me, I am almost glad things happened the way that they did, because it gave me insight in to his character. But I've been out of my relationship for almost 8 months. No matter which way it happens, it still hurts!

Hang in there!

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

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I'm sure he does....

 

The truth is: people reject relationships not people often.

 

Meaning: sometimes a relationship is not right. Nothing is wrong with the other, they do not "hate" you, or are trying to be malicious etc. but as much as you have good intentions or like/love someone....sometimes it just isn't working and isn't supposed to work even. Sometimes you need to go on a different path than this person and the only way you can go is to release them. As the dumper, you realize this sometimes, and it is not a win-win as no matter what saying goodbye will be hurtful....BUT someone has to do it and in the end usually we go our own way and do different things and our life continues and we realize why we had to separate. If you know this, then you have to make that choice and be the bigger person.lt is more hurtful to know the truth and continue with the relationship....

 

 

I am sure he cares and is hurt but is trying to be strong....which is why it is important to look at the lessons in it for YOU instead of basing things on what you think the other person thinks and feels. He told you the truth already....so now it is time to see where your new path is leading than worrying about what he thinks/feels.

 

Yes I'm trying to take all of what you said into account. My feelings are getting in my own way.

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