AlwaysHope Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 I am in a serious relationship with a person whom i care about very much. we have a great relationship of about a year and a half, and we have discussed future engagement and marriage, and all the committment issues that go along with that. we have the same basic non-religious values and morals. we are both christians, but are from different sects of christianity. i happen to completely disagree with the teachings of his church. i did not find out until recently how devoted he and his family are to this church. if i want to plan a future with this man, how important is it that we share BOTH moral AND religious beliefs? our morals are the same, but we believe several different things when it comes to religion. to me, this could be a problem when it comes to having a family or even simple marital health. do i need to find someone who has more similar beliefs to mine if i can't accept the beliefs of my current partner? or are there ways to work through this? anyone who has experience with this kind of situation, please respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Azaroth Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 You love this person, you see a future with this person - You are both Christians... but with diffrent teachings and morals upbringing... That's going to happen... Even if it's the same sect.. I can not go to church and dont care for it - and you do... there is conflict right there.. If religion is not that important - then what is the moral upbringing? Make a compromise.... that's all marriage is compromise to work things out talk to him - see what his feelings are... if you talk about marriage i think good question would be about religion if you have kids.. but then again i would rather tackle marriage first Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 yes! i'm trying to be jewish, my man is atheist, and his family is frantic catholic. my family is mostly humanist, with catholic smatterings. we've decided it's ok to just be different about this - we agree on our basic morals and, more importantly (to me), ethics of daily life, so we just give each other some space to develop as seperate human and spiritual beings. i make sure not to push the judaism too much, as it makes assumptions that would annoy any atheist, and he in turn is pleased to suffer through my attempts at kosher cooking. we mostly ignore his family and debate and engage mine. it works out well. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Religion isnt that important unless one person thinks it should be. I know people that dont date outside their religion. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by AlwaysHope I am in a serious relationship with a person whom i care about very much. we have a great relationship of about a year and a half, and we have discussed future engagement and marriage, and all the committment issues that go along with that. we have the same basic non-religious values and morals. we are both christians, but are from different sects of christianity. i happen to completely disagree with the teachings of his church. i did not find out until recently how devoted he and his family are to this church. if i want to plan a future with this man, how important is it that we share BOTH moral AND religious beliefs? our morals are the same, but we believe several different things when it comes to religion. to me, this could be a problem when it comes to having a family or even simple marital health. do i need to find someone who has more similar beliefs to mine if i can't accept the beliefs of my current partner? or are there ways to work through this? anyone who has experience with this kind of situation, please respond. Are you able to tell us which "sects" of Christianity you both belong to? If you're both Christians, I would think that no matter what denomination you are, the basic fundamentals of Christianity would be the same. Every denomination (some more than others) has their own little "quirks" and rituals and "ways of the church"...but when you get right down to it, God isn't about the "rules of a particular Church"....God is about love, forgiveness, trying to live a good life, treating others with kindness and compassion, about teaching one's children about God (and love and forgiveness and kindness and compassion and respect for our fellow man/woman)......it's about having God playing an integral part in a marriage.....so that it's not just 2 people..but that God is the 3rd player, so to speak.....He is the glue that helps keep the marriage strong and together. As long as you both have faith and believe in the same principles of Christianity, don't get caught up, I'd say, in the fluffy technical stuff that occurs among differing denominations. I think in a lot of ways, many denominations have gotten away from God being the 'focus' and they've become so caught up their "man made rules and laws" that they're often off the mark. Link to post Share on other sites
God Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 "God is about love, forgiveness, trying to live a good life, treating others with kindness and compassion, about teaching one's children about God (and love and forgiveness and kindness and compassion and respect for our fellow man/woman)......it's about having God playing an integral part in a marriage." Hi Befuddled: I couldn't have said it better myself. I only wish people would act like that. Give people a free will and look what they do with it. And, you know, it takes so much less energy to forgive and be kind and compassionate than it does to be a rat. Come to think of it, rats actually do their own thing and don't meddle in other's lives. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Religion only becomes a big issue if one of the people expects or requires the other to participate in their religion, or have any children partake in that religion. I'm a Christian, my boyfriend's an atheist, we both feel it's more important to be a good, compassionate person in your daily life than it is to adhere to certain principles or ceremonies, or to only socialize with a fellowship of people who hold similar beliefs. Link to post Share on other sites
CaterpillarGirl Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Have you discussed children? This is usually where bi-religious couples run into trouble. How will you raise them? Almost all religious groups agree that it is important that you raise them in one religion or another. The "grocery market" approach, where you sample different religions, may work in college, but is very confusing and scary for young children. Hopefully, you've had this discussion if you are planning on having a family. I do believe that bi-religious couples do have a chance at marriage, as long as both partners have respect for each other's own spiritual growth. Spirituality, like any part of ourselves, is something that evolves and changes as we age. As long as you agree to support each other on your faith journies, I think you will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 The problems will come in IF there is a decision you both have to make which invokes an embedded personal religious conviction. Such as....Uncle Bob is gay....the baby needs a blood transfusion....an abortion option regarding a baby with serious health problems....how you raise your children.....etc. In short, as long as you guys come to agreements concerning future decisions where religion MAY be a factor....then there shouldn't be any problems. Without discussing them though and should the situation arise....THEN in the confusion of the moment arguments and even divorce call follow. You can respect BOTH sides of the family without having to adhere to their specific practices. Only between the two of you...does there need to be occasional compromises. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 I agree with Arabess, some denominations will not accept the teachings of others, and forbid interdenominational marriages. There can be lots of problems concerning things like, "which church should our kids be raised in", and often conflicts concerning different takes on scripture. I think if you are going to get married before you sort this prob out, you may be opening a big can of worms. I don't really agree with the idea of denominational compromise though. I mean, I wouldn't choose anyone elses beliefs over mine without throughly thinking it through first. The cost is too great, man is only for short time God is for eternity. So it's alot to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
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