tigressA Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 By next Friday evening I will be officially cohabiting with BF on a temporary basis. It's the conclusion to a story that I went into in my last thread. Snapshot: Stupidly told employer a couple weeks ago I was looking for a new job w/ nothing already in the bag He covered his bases and hired a replacement who's starting next weekend I'm a live-in caretaker so losing this job means losing my home BF was the first person I told (a couple weeks ago), with no hesitation he offered to have me stay with him as long as I needed to Have had one interview already, have another interview on Thursday, resume is in countless other places, am applying to new positions every day I have cohabited before, but that situation was very different. I was living with my ex's immediate family, and I had my own space in the house to retreat to/other people to interact with. BF has a 1-room studio apartment. Add to that the indefinite deadline, and how soon this is coming up in our relationship, and yeah...I'm a little . While I obviously don't have enough money to put up for a new place, I do have enough to pay a few months of student loan bills in advance, so that is one thing I'm going to do. I also will have enough to contribute at least a little bit to expenses, say groceries or gas, for a time. I know BF will say I should save instead and not worry about helping him out, but I have no intention of treating him as a free ride regardless of my employment status. Once I get a job and am saving up for a new place I will also up the contribution as I'm able. Any other tips you guys have for me? I'll be regularly updating here, like a log, to document progress. Today I start taking inventory of my things and packing/storing away.
Author tigressA Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 "I'll be regularly updating here, like a log, to document progress." I think this is part of what makes you so neurotic and over-analytical. You post every little thing that happens and of course everyone on here has a an opinion of what "it could mean", or what "it does mean", so that makes you think more about it and confuses you more because you get so many different, yet valid opinions. Try doing a weekly update, rather than a real-time running log. Just a suggestion, might help, might not. I never said exactly how often I would be updating...but thanks for the input anyway.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I think this is part of what makes you so neurotic and over-analytical. You post every little thing that happens and of course everyone on here has a an opinion of what "it could mean", or what "it does mean", so that makes you think more about it and confuses you more because you get so many different, yet valid opinions. Welcome to the world of LS.
Author tigressA Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 Welcome to the world of LS. If people are going to post, could it please be on the actual topic?? I'd really appreciate some pointers since I've never done this before, at least not to this extent.
tman666 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I've been on your BF's side of a situation similar to this. I figured it would last a few weeks to a month before my GF found employment. 6 months later, I eventually had to tell her that if she didn't find a job (any job) over the course of the next month that she'd be looking at moving out. Low and behold, she found a job about a week later and has been employed since. Our relationship has improved VASTLY since she started working full time. While I don't think she was intentionally using me, it's easy to fall into a routine of waking up late, dicking around on the computer, staying in your sweats all day, and thinking that filling out an application every other day is "searching for a job". If you go this direction, I can almost guarantee you that your BF will start to resent you, feel used, and will dread coming home to a dirty apartment and a girlfriend who's self esteem and grooming habits have been on the steady decline. To mitigate this, treat your time looking for a job AS your job. Wake up when he does. Look presentable. Spend the majority of the day networking, calling, interviewing, applying, etc. Help keep the apartment clean. Help put together dinner. Help take care of pets. If you work hard to improve your situation and his simultaneously, he'll appreciate your work ethic and your desire to improve the "household situation".
Author tigressA Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 To mitigate this, treat your time looking for a job AS your job. Wake up when he does. Look presentable. Spend the majority of the day networking, calling, interviewing, applying, etc. Help keep the apartment clean. Help put together dinner. Help take care of pets. If you work hard to improve your situation and his simultaneously, he'll appreciate your work ethic and your desire to improve the "household situation". I really like this, thank you! I will definitely put it into action. I'm hoping that something will happen with the interview I have this week; the position is "immediate". Even if nothing does, I have a good pace going. I've had 3 calls for interviews less than a week after I started applying (one of them I declined because they had only 15-hr/wk positions open) and I've been applying, making calls, etc every day. I'm also waiting to hear back from one place for a second interview. Because of the nature of my current job I can't just go out at any time to network and interview, which is hindering me, and I won't have that obstacle once I move in with BF, so I will be much more active then. I also hate being in a position like this, so because of that I try to do whatever I can to minimize seeming like a burden. With the job I have now there's only so much I can do, and I can't go anywhere during the day, so I have way too much time to sit around. SO looking forward to being more active!
TheLoneSock Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) I've been on your BF's side of a situation similar to this. I figured it would last a few weeks to a month before my GF found employment. 6 months later, I eventually had to tell her that if she didn't find a job (any job) over the course of the next month that she'd be looking at moving out. Low and behold, she found a job about a week later and has been employed since. Our relationship has improved VASTLY since she started working full time. While I don't think she was intentionally using me, it's easy to fall into a routine of waking up late, dicking around on the computer, staying in your sweats all day, and thinking that filling out an application every other day is "searching for a job". If you go this direction, I can almost guarantee you that your BF will start to resent you, feel used, and will dread coming home to a dirty apartment and a girlfriend who's self esteem and grooming habits have been on the steady decline. To mitigate this, treat your time looking for a job AS your job. Wake up when he does. Look presentable. Spend the majority of the day networking, calling, interviewing, applying, etc. Help keep the apartment clean. Help put together dinner. Help take care of pets. If you work hard to improve your situation and his simultaneously, he'll appreciate your work ethic and your desire to improve the "household situation". THIS. I've also been in your man's shoes before, forced to have a girlfriend move in with me for complications with her family. This is the total truth. Take this as an opportunity to grow closer to him. It will be an enormous test for the two of you, but if you come out on the other end alright, you will be a lot closer to each other. 1) Find a job asap. 2) Make it a point to spend a small part of your day cleaning the place up, even if for only a half hour. It will mean a lot to him for you to be proactive like that and take care of him. 3) Make sure the two of you get out of the apartment a couple times a week, do not fall into a homebody's routine where you're always at home together. Also, pay attention to how he treats you during this interim. If he starts to treat you like you owe him something, it is a red flag. And be aware. There will be a honeymoon phase to living with him. After a couple weeks go by, it might start to wear off. Do not take this as meaning the relationship is doomed; it's not. Edited March 29, 2011 by TheLoneSock
Recommended Posts