carhill Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 One datapoint - We had about eight months of MC before things really started getting clear for me. One reason was affair fog; another was I was very stubborn. At this first session, how would you characterize your fiance's response to the process? How did she respond when IC for her was suggested?
Author thatdog Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 One datapoint - We had about eight months of MC before things really started getting clear for me. One reason was affair fog; another was I was very stubborn. At this first session, how would you characterize your fiance's response to the process? How did she respond when IC for her was suggested? She kinda just amicably agreed with the counselor and said ok to making another appointment for herself. IDK how long she will be willing to go along with it though. Oddly once she agreed to the honesty about the few points of the EA she had kept from me I felt that it was the least of my worries.
carhill Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 If you were to get the immediate families of yourself and your fiance together today for a BBQ, how would that go? Do you see a lot of symmetry in your familial backgrounds, or differences? Has your fiance ever revealed difficult and/or painful experiences from her past? If so, how did that go? If you had to compare your fiance's style of 'agreement' to suggestions in RC to everyday life, how would you characterize it? Give me an example of 'amicable agreement' from real life. Remember, you have a choice. You can continue or you can end the engagement. She has a choice too. If you feel your proactive investment of time, energy, emotion and money into this process isn't healthy for *you*, then, as our MC put it so well, 'you have a decision to make'. Best wishes in that process
Author thatdog Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Sadly I've never met her family so I wouldn't really know. She is Japanese. We were supposed to be going to Japan next month to meet the family but obviously that's off the table now. From what I gather though her family is pretty 'cold' (typical japanese non-display of emotion). She will almost always agree with anyone to commit to something that isn't unreasonable even if she doesn't want to do it (except me cos i'm 'family'). I think it's a cultural thing to no want to cause disharmony by disappointing anyone. I know I have a choice. But as hard as it is to go through this it feels even harder to give up.
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