what do you think if a man doesn't want to get a job because he is depressed?

[orangelady]

Hi,

 

I just want to know, how do you cope with a guy who is in another country and when we were chatting, he was already jobless for 2 years. We chatted for over a year now. We've had arguments about why he is not getting a job until it gets so tiring. I have offered to visit him but he doesn't want to let me do that because he says he is living with his parents and basically he just doesn't want to meet until he gets a job. As a man, I guess he does not want to meet me until he has secured a job. He has been jobless because his ex wife cheated on him a few years ago and the daughter is living with her in another country nearby.

 

He keeps saying he wants a job but its been over a year talking about it and he hasn't submitted any applications. He has a Degree and some good working experience. I feel let down and really disappointed because after chatting over a year, we cannot meet. I wouldn't consider an online relationship without seeing the possibility of it working in real life and that's why I kept talking to him.

 

I just get tired of telling him to 'please please get a job so that we can be together.'

 

Obviously, he wouldn't come to visit me until he gets his first paycheck. I just don't see how it is going to happen as he doesn't seem to be doing anything. Recently, I really felt like I had to be honest and I said it really hurts me that he is doing other things like going for a reunion trip in the city and traveling to his neighbouring country just to watch a sports game. I said that 'oh you could do all these things but how come you don't make an effort to visit me?'

 

I have offered like I said before to visit him, but he refuses. After that incident, he has stopped writing to me and I just don't know what is happening.

 

And it's not because of the economy, his country is doing fine in terms of economic employment, it's just him who doesn't want to put his heart in it to find a job.

 

Have you experienced encountering someone like this?

Edited March 29, 2011 by orangelady

[creighton0123]

I'd break up with him. I've been in the very same situation in a previous relationship.

 

When push came to shove, it was let him live with me without him having a job or any money OR break up with him and send him on his not so merry way.

 

Think about what's best for you. You've tried to help him. He doesn't want the help.

 

That's most likely not what you wanted to hear.

[TaraMaiden]

You've never met....?

 

Something here stinks.

 

How he can afford to not work and do all this stuff is impossible.

I personally don't think he's being entirely honest with you.

I think wife and baby might not be as 'ex' as he's led you to believe.

 

He doesn't want to see you, he doesn't want to meet you, and he sure as hell has no interest in getting into this any deeper.

if he had any of the above, Im' willing to bet the shirt on his back, he would have done something a lot more proactive.

[interfuse]

Sorry I know it stinks, but he's not into you. Also, this guy sounds shady as hell and it seems like he has a few lies up his sleeve. I definitely wouldn't want to be with a guy like him. No good. Please drop him. You deserve someone way better than him.

Edited March 29, 2011 by interfuse

[folieadeux]

I agree with what the others say -- I'd move on. It's way too convienent for him to keep using him not having a job as an excuse not to meet. Something just doesn't add up here, and it has very little to do with whether or not he's bringing home a paycheck.