This email made me realize its REALLY over. Don't know how to deal with the pain!

March 31, 2011

Ah, I am sorry about the age mix up, I must have gotten it mixed up with someone who posted earlier in the thread. I can identify with the thinking he was "almost there", my ex often told me that he "could see himself" loving me..which should have been red flag number one, but I digress.

The way he said you had no "family values" makes me think that your breakup wasn't probably a result of that argument, but a long string of things he was uncomfortable with, thus using this argument as an excuse...it is very odd that he was about to move in with you, however! Either way you should not want someone so hot and cold in your life! That was quite immature of him...

March 31, 2011

I only read your post and id not read through the replies from others.
Let me say that you should be thankful that he was so honest about his feelings to you. He does not sound that great to me because he said that if he stayed with you he would be settling. It is the other way around......if you stayed with him you would be settling. Don't try to change yourself for others unless it is something terrible you are doing morally that needs to be changed. Keep your moral values and wipe your eyes and find that man that loves you for you and has the same morals.

Is this the guy from another country? He sounds like he is trying to be intelligent. Get angry girl cause that is when you will be able to get over him. He is really not worth your tears...... He did lead you on because he said this started 6 months ago, so then he should have told you then.

Dont stay in bed.... there is someone out there for you....take care of YOU and he will find you. Take care of yourself both inside and out. there is nothing wrong with you.

Wow butterfly you hit the nail on the head! Yes he is from another country and he is HIGHLY intelligent. He has a PHD.

He did say he was settling and that really upset me and I actually didn't even catch onto that until today. I read it 20 times but my head wasn't really clear till this afternoon (too much crying)

March 31, 2011

Ah, I am sorry about the age mix up, I must have gotten it mixed up with someone who posted earlier in the thread. I can identify with the thinking he was "almost there", my ex often told me that he "could see himself" loving me..which should have been red flag number one, but I digress.

The way he said you had no "family values" makes me think that your breakup wasn't probably a result of that argument, but a long string of things he was uncomfortable with, thus using this argument as an excuse...it is very odd that he was about to move in with you, however! Either way you should not want someone so hot and cold in your life! That was quite immature of him...

I have a good family, My mother and I have our differences so I don't know if that was it. Looking back it could have been anything. He always said he liked me for who I was, etc. And than BAM. He has all these issues.

March 31, 2011

be thankful you got this email with him expressing his true feelings and why he didn't want to continue. My break-up speech involved, "after what happened (we had a little argument) i don't feel the same anymore, you know when you like someone and then just suddenly don't?"

March 31, 2011

Hmm. Sounds like something else was going on with him...we will not know for sure, because if HE doesn't understand himself you certainly won't. But the best thing now is to not contact him. Pack away reminders, try to take things one day at a time. It will get better as each day passes. Not perfect, but better. I know these things take time, but just try to remember that if he gave you up, he doesn't deserve you. Are you religious at all? I found that prayer really helped me through my breakup. Also, remember that everything (I know cliche) happens for a reason. My friend told me something else that really helped me : "When someone can walk away from you, let them walk. Nothing that walks away was worth your time in the first place."

March 31, 2011

be thankful you got this email with him expressing his true feelings and why he didn't want to continue. My break-up speech involved, "after what happened (we had a little argument) i don't feel the same anymore, you know when you like someone and then just suddenly don't?"

I'm not thankful, sorry. I'm bitter he waited till the last minute. I wasted time with him. He led me on. Thats just how I feel.

March 31, 2011

Hmm. Sounds like something else was going on with him...we will not know for sure, because if HE doesn't understand himself you certainly won't. But the best thing now is to not contact him. Pack away reminders, try to take things one day at a time. It will get better as each day passes. Not perfect, but better. I know these things take time, but just try to remember that if he gave you up, he doesn't deserve you. Are you religious at all? I found that prayer really helped me through my breakup. Also, remember that everything (I know cliche) happens for a reason. My friend told me something else that really helped me : "When someone can walk away from you, let them walk. Nothing that walks away was worth your time in the first place."

He is very smart and well traveled. He has some friends that are very snobby and were so to me. Because I'm an American and come from a small town, they looked down on me. I have a feeling he was being led a little..

March 31, 2011

That's whats stopping you from healing, being dumped is meant to make you a stronger person, not a bitter person. It's hard not to be bitter at the start because you feel as if they betrayed your trust and that you could definately work something out if they put in the effort, but the fact is they made the decision to run for the hills and try their luck somewhere else. If you devoted most of your time to making him happy, then do yourself a favour and use the time you spent on his happiness, on your own happiness! Go to the gym, eat healthy, do whatever you can to make yourself look stunning and you'll feel better about yourself which will most likely be recognized by the person out there who was made for you!

March 31, 2011

That's whats stopping you from healing, being dumped is meant to make you a stronger person, not a bitter person. It's hard not to be bitter at the start because you feel as if they betrayed your trust and that you could definately work something out if they put in the effort, but the fact is they made the decision to run for the hills and try their luck somewhere else. If you devoted most of your time to making him happy, then do yourself a favour and use the time you spent on his happiness, on your own happiness! Go to the gym, eat healthy, do whatever you can to make yourself look stunning and you'll feel better about yourself which will most likely be recognized by the person out there who was made for you!

I actually joined a gym last night. Went tonight. The place the ex and I were going to move into had a gym, but now he will have that luxury, not myself. Too weird that he is still moving in...

March 31, 2011

ThatguyintxL That's a good insight ^_^ However, in my opinion, if you really do love a person that truly, why can't you change or become a better person and work the relationship out with your true love? To me, the love is just not strong enough to go through obstacles.

And the sooner we realize this, the faster we move on.

This is insane...love does not require you to change who you are. He told her this. If you have to transform into some whole other person that is NOT true love....that is true crazy. That is being so desperate for "love" that you'd do anything....that's not love.

All the great couples I've known who've been married and actually HAPPY not just married...cuz many married folks aren't happy...are their 100% self and didn't have to change and bend all out of shape to keep the relationship. If you have to do that, as the poster before said, then you are just not compatible....and that has nothing to do with love.

March 31, 2011

This is insane...love does not require you to change who you are. He told her this. If you have to transform into some whole other person that is NOT true love....that is true crazy. That is being so desperate for "love" that you'd do anything....that's not love.

All the great couples I've known who've been married and actually HAPPY not just married...cuz many married folks aren't happy...are their 100% self and didn't have to change and bend all out of shape to keep the relationship. If you have to do that, as the poster before said, then you are just not compatible....and that has nothing to do with love.

My ex said I was going to change, but I wasn't going to change who I was as a person or my character. I think we can all make BETTER changes in our lives and I think thats what Fufu was referring to. Like maybe to become less jealous or more optimistic. Those kind of changes. The things My ex said in that email are not what I talked about with him. He had these feelings stored for awhile and didn't share with me. He was so hard to crack.. and thats where most of our arguing stemmed from.

March 31, 2011

This is insane...love does not require you to change who you are. He told her this. If you have to transform into some whole other person that is NOT true love....that is true crazy. That is being so desperate for "love" that you'd do anything....that's not love.

All the great couples I've known who've been married and actually HAPPY not just married...cuz many married folks aren't happy...are their 100% self and didn't have to change and bend all out of shape to keep the relationship. If you have to do that, as the poster before said, then you are just not compatible....and that has nothing to do with love.

I think you have misunderstood my meaning of changing to be better for your partner. When I say change, it doesn't mean you are changing your true self.

Say for example, the bf is a messy person and doesn't do any house chore to help his girlfriend and she's getting quite angry with her bf's consistent behavior of not cleaning up after dinner, not doing his own laundry. Quarrels start from here. So what's the solution? Both couples will talk and come out with solution to rectify this issue right? Perhaps, the bf will start to say "Okay, let me try getting used to doing laundry once in 2 weeks." And slowly gradually, he changed his messy behavior to a person who cleans. Is he being forced? He's not, and he changes this messy behaviour willingly.

And when I say about change, I mean you change yourself to become a BETTER person willingly and not being forced to change.

It really depends on the situation if you do get what I mean.

If my bf is asking me to do things that I don't like at all and is forcing me to do something illegal and unethical, I won't do it at all.

And becoming a better partner for each other, is not just 1 person's duty, both parties need to work on it and encourage each other.

If you made a mistake in your relationship, you came to realize your mistake and don't want to make the same kind of mistake anymore. Would you want your partner to stand by you and encourage you? You definitely want the support from your partner.

When i thought about change, is not just 1 person's work to do it. Both parties are involved. It's healthy changing and not unhealthy changing. If only one partner wants to work on the relationship to blossom, to make it better, the relationship will not last.

Every year we grow older, we are changing, our mindsets are changing. We see things differently. We may not like something way back years, but now today, you may find yourself being okay with these things. This is change.

Oops, I should have explained better, my sincerest apologies

Anyway,

Edited March 31, 2011 by Fufu

March 31, 2011

thanks for the support and hug!

I wish I had just walked away gracefully. didn't text or email him back expressing how angry I was..but too late

Its not too late,you can start now,really,try your best to erase his info contact any number from him then you wont be tempted.

You have to believe it when I say that start NC right away. You''ll see,give it time,you'll not only heal but fall off the eath according to him,

He will one day notice,but do it for you first of all.

Hugs again:bunny:

March 31, 2011

TryingtoUnderstand32: As much as you are willing to become a better person, remember it is for yourself now because this guy is not showing any support to you.

Be strong

March 31, 2011

Its not too late,you can start now,really,try your best to erase his info contact any number from him then you wont be tempted.
You have to believe it when I say that start NC right away. You''ll see,give it time,you'll not only heal but fall off the eath according to him,
He will one day notice,but do it for you first of all.

Hugs again:bunny:

One day notice what? He is done with me. totally done. Its not a questionable break up. I have had those.

I sent him a text today telling him that a pregnancy test I took came out negative because I was "late" he knew and I wanted to keep him informed.

That was all I was supposed to say but instead I also added

"in your email you say you feel like you were settling for middle ground, so I'm assuming that means you felt you were "settling" with me. Thanks for the adding insult to injury, I deserve way better than that, and I guess I was just someone to keep you occupied for 7 months. sorry I wasn't the gf of your desires. I have said all I needed to and don't worry I'm deleting your number, goodbye"

Don't yell at me! I know it was prob pointless but I feel ok about saying it.

March 31, 2011

If you're who I think you are, then I'm sorry to hear it's gone t i t s up in the end, but it's not a surprise considering your ongoing differences. If you're not who I think you are, then just ignore me!

March 31, 2011

Obviously he had been having some doubts...and I don't think it was the "family moving in" thing that ended it. I think he was having doubts already...and that was maybe a more tangible excuse.

You have made it very clear that he "uprooted you" or "left you homeless" or whatever. But what would have happened if he HAD moved in with you...and then 2 weeks into it he dumped you. You'd be saying the same thing. To me, that isn't the issue. You are obviously upset about the breakup and trying to paint him in a bad light. (Understandable...)

Even though I know you are hurting like he**...think about this. He made it VERY clear that you guys are over. There wasn't ANY hesitation...or maybes...or "maybe in time...". He said IT IS OVER. It's very clear. In some ways he is giving you a gift. He isn't leading you on...he isn't throwing you breadcrumbs....he isn't saying "I miss you"....

So do yourself a favor and STOP CONTACTING HIM. YOU are the one making this even harder on yourself...instead of being a few days into the healing process you continue to open up the wounds over and over again. How long are you going to do that for? Because if you can't stop yourself you are going to spend a LOT longer healing from this than you want to.

Sorry for the tough love...I know you are hurting and searching for understanding. But seriously...he was very cut and dry here. There's no hope for reconciliation no matter how many times you contact him.

March 31, 2011

Obviously he had been having some doubts...and I don't think it was the "family moving in" thing that ended it. I think he was having doubts already...and that was maybe a more tangible excuse.

You have made it very clear that he "uprooted you" or "left you homeless" or whatever. But what would have happened if he HAD moved in with you...and then 2 weeks into it he dumped you. You'd be saying the same thing. To me, that isn't the issue. You are obviously upset about the breakup and trying to paint him in a bad light. (Understandable...)

Even though I know you are hurting like he**...think about this. He made it VERY clear that you guys are over. There wasn't ANY hesitation...or maybes...or "maybe in time...". He said IT IS OVER. It's very clear. In some ways he is giving you a gift. He isn't leading you on...he isn't throwing you breadcrumbs....he isn't saying "I miss you"....

So do yourself a favor and STOP CONTACTING HIM. YOU are the one making this even harder on yourself...instead of being a few days into the healing process you continue to open up the wounds over and over again. How long are you going to do that for? Because if you can't stop yourself you are going to spend a LOT longer healing from this than you want to.

Sorry for the tough love...I know you are hurting and searching for understanding. But seriously...he was very cut and dry here. There's no hope for reconciliation no matter how many times you contact him.

I know there is no hope. I knew that when I sent the text. I just somehow wanted to make him feel guilty. Quick gratification I guess. I have started the real healing today. First day I have not cried....yet.

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This email made me realize its REALLY over. Don't know how to deal with the pain!

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