This email made me realize its REALLY over. Don't know how to deal with the pain!

March 29, 2011

(my first post was "Bf ended things and left me homeless), I got an email from ex bf over recent breakup and he sent me an email on his own and this is what he said:

"Firstly, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, but I think there is no easy way to address the end of a relationship. I understand why some of the things were said as you left here yesterday, so please don’t feel bad. Frankly I think I deserve to be called so as I ended this relationship despite your plea.

I know you’re seeking a closure to why this had to come to an abrupt end, so I try to explain it here as best as I can.

Well, I wanted to end this relationship mainly because I started to resent a repeating pattern on how we argued over some things that were recurring.

I believe there is someone better for you waiting out there that can make you happy without putting you in a situation that you have to try so hard to be someone else. I may not show, but I was moved when you said you will try hard to change, but I really think that you will resent this and eventually we will fight over again for different issues.

While I enjoyed how different we are to each other, I really find it difficult to enjoy the relationship when we have quite little in common…

I know you’re in a tough situation at the moment, but I have no doubt that you’ll pull it through and find a better life. Although this relationship did not work out as I hoped for, but I enjoyed spending time to get to know you. Please don’t beat yourself over this – I think you have a lot of good qualities that I admire. Thanks for everything you done for me to feel welcomed and loved. I wish you a good life and a lot of luck with meeting someone who deserve you and can make you happy."

and than in another one he responded to my email. I didn't see the top one prior to the one I sent since he sent it to an email address I don't regularly use, otherwise I wouldn't have emailed him at all. He wrote this in response to mine:

"Thanks for the e-mail. I thought it was thoughtful and kind of you to do

so. I read it and thought through what you wrote there.

I agree with you that it's normal to have fights and disagreements in any

relationship, but people are capable to getting over that through respect,

caring and love for each other.

On the other hand, I think it's also important for the people in the

intimate relationship to share a common value and aspirations. If I may use

the metaphor of the life is a journey, I think two people in relationship

must have the shared goal, values and what it takes to work together.

Over the past six months or so, as we started to disagree with things, I

really felt that there are something we just don't agree - I know you will

say that these are things that we can work on, but I think the truth is that

we were starting to resent the compromises we made to each other to save the

relationship. I think this is why we argued over similar problems over and

over. I think we have grown apart over the six months as we found the

differences in each other that we could not reconcile -

I may sound selfish to say that I'm not ready to give up in the search to

find someone whom I can truly share my inspiration and goals in life. I want

to live my life fully and passionately, and to do so I won't settle with

something in a middle ground. You may think I'm a fool, but I think that how

I am.

I know you're much more willing to sacrifice yourself for others, but I

hope that you do not lose who you are and all the great things about you.

When I see you cry and said that started to say that you can change for me -

I thought this has came too far.

It's not easy to let go of someone when you became so close to each other,

but I think we need to do this so that we both can grow out of the shell.

P.S. I will need sometime apart from each other until we are both ready,

but I'm open to stay in touch with you as a friend. If you're open to it

please keep it in mind. I consider the time we spent together is a gift and

something I treasure. I think there are a lot of things I learned from you

that made me a better person."

Now while most of you will say "hey he sounds like a great person" well maybe he is a good person. But he obviously had doubts about me for awhile that just came out now. But yet up until 4 days ago we were moving forward to live together. I feel VERY led on. I wasted time with someone that obviously didn't feel strongly for me for awhile and never said any of this to me. Because if he had, I would have made sure I wasn't wasting my precious time, feelings or energy.

I told him this and I told him I do not want to be his friend and wished him luck.

Now I want to physically crumble into a ball and get in bed and never get out.

Its amazing how wrong I was about us. Mind boggling. I hurt all over.

__________________

March 29, 2011

Honestly, he DOES sound like a great (and very wise) person. I do not believe he intentionally led you on. Many people will continue things longer than they should in the HOPE that things will change for the better. A lot of time, big changes (moving in together) serve as a litmus test for the quality of a relationship.

He is right. You should never change who you are for ANYONE. You will find someone who appreciates you for who you are. It is hard now, but after 60-90 days of NC, you will have your life back with a new found freedom to develop and achieve your own goals.

Keep your head up. Good luck. Whatever happens, it was for the best. It always is.

March 29, 2011

Be glad that you are not with him anymore

Will you want to be with someone and to love him dearly but when it comes to quarrels, he doesn't want to work things out with you?

Be happy that you see this side of him sooner............... than later.

Just for your information, my ex bf of 3 years said the same things to me too, but seriously it's full of excuses. If your man truly loves you, no matter how different both of you are, and when times you had quarrels, he wouldn't leave you, he would talk things out with you and not throwing the BREAK UP BOMB to you.

oh, to speed up your healing recovery and emotionally let down by this man, do not be his FRIEND. Seriously, he does not worth it. You spend years, lots of efforts and love being with him, but now he just kicks you away and still hoping to be your friend. Not a chance, you've to be strong in this. If he truly treats you like a girlfriend, a true love to him, he won't ditch you in the first place.

Edited March 29, 2011 by Fufu

March 29, 2011

Be glad that you are not with him anymore

Will you want to be with someone and to love him dearly but when it comes to quarrels, he doesn't want to work things out with you?

Be happy that you see this side of him sooner............... than later.

Just for your information, my ex bf of 3 years said the same things to me too, but seriously it's full of excuses. If your man truly loves you, no matter how different both of you are, and when times you had quarrels, he wouldn't leave you, he would talk things out with you and not throwing the BREAK UP BOMB to you.

oh, to speed up your healing recovery and emotionally let down by this man, do not be his FRIEND. Seriously, he does not worth it. You spend years, lots of efforts and love being with him, but now he just kicks you away and still hoping to be your friend. Not a chance, you've to be strong in this. If he truly treats you like a girlfriend, a true love to him, he won't ditch you in the first place.

Thank you for the kind words. It helps to know there are people that understand and feel the same kind of pain. It comes down to that he didn't love me, I get that. He should have let me go sooner.

I don't and can't be his friend. I have enough "friends" anyway. I know that would only slow down the process of me getting over him anyways.

March 29, 2011

Kudos to you, you are doing great

March 29, 2011

Kudos to you, you are doing great

lol, I'm really not but thanks.. I wrote him back and told him that I felt led on, but he didn't respond. I guess its pointless to want him to.

March 29, 2011

It's against the TOS to post the same thread in more than one forum. I think you have enough going on over on the dating one with this.

March 29, 2011

It's against the TOS to post the same thread in more than one forum. I think you have enough going on over on the dating one with this.

I didn't know that. I thought this area would be a better fit. Can I ask why you are so consumed with me? It seems you wanna go out of your way to prove something. Why are you trying so hard to "police" me?

March 29, 2011

Oh my god, that is one heartbreaking email...I read it and it made me feel so sad even!! He does sound like a genuine guy, and sometimes people just need to move on. If he didn't feel happy, then I guess how can he be expected to stay in the relationship?

It makes it harder when the ex is actually a good person....I don't know, all I can say is do not try contact him. Move on. I think he has his mind made up. If you keep in contact with him, I feel it will reinforce his decision. It sounds like you two just had different values....

Was there another person involved? Or do you suspect there was someone else there?

March 29, 2011

He does not sound to me like he's genuine. If he is, he will take the rs to a whole new level and not choosing the break up. To me, he is just trying to portray himself as a nice guy image.

March 29, 2011

Oh my god, that is one heartbreaking email...I read it and it made me feel so sad even!! He does sound like a genuine guy, and sometimes people just need to move on. If he didn't feel happy, then I guess how can he be expected to stay in the relationship?

It makes it harder when the ex is actually a good person....I don't know, all I can say is do not try contact him. Move on. I think he has his mind made up. If you keep in contact with him, I feel it will reinforce his decision. It sounds like you two just had different values....

Was there another person involved? Or do you suspect there was someone else there?

No I don't think there was anyone else involved at all. I think he just wasn't in love. And your right it makes it so much harder when the person is a good person. I don't expect anyone to stay with me if they are not happy. I just wish it was said sooner. I will not be contacting unless I find out I'm pregnant which is a whole other ball game. I'm "late".

March 29, 2011

He does not sound to me like he's genuine. If he is, he will take the rs to a whole new level and not choosing the break up. To me, he is just trying to portray himself as a nice guy image.

He wasn't in love with me. And its not fair to me or him to stay with me for this reason. I wished he was though.

March 29, 2011

If your man truly loves you, no matter how different both of you are, and when times you had quarrels, he wouldn't leave you, he would talk things out with you and not throwing the BREAK UP BOMB to you.

I respectfully disagree. People CAN love someone fully, yet not have the compatibility to maintain a committed lifelong relationship. Breaking up may be the best and most loving action in some circumstances.

March 30, 2011

ThatguyintxL That's a good insight ^_^ However, in my opinion, if you really do love a person that truly, why can't you change or become a better person and work the relationship out with your true love? To me, the love is just not strong enough to go through obstacles.

And the sooner we realize this, the faster we move on.

March 30, 2011

I almost feel a little badly how angry I was with him in the email I wrote. But I'm hurt, angry, confused. How could I be cordial? I didn't want to be cordial. I wanted him to know EXACTLY how I feel.

March 30, 2011

Sweet, he doesn't want to know how you feel.

It hurts I know, you have to pull yourself up and I know you can do it .

March 30, 2011

Sweet, he doesn't want to know how you feel.

It hurts I know, you have to pull yourself up and I know you can do it .

Its so pathetic I was hoping he would respond saying something but he didn't. I texted him today telling him I have some of his clothing and I would drop it off and leave it on his car. He told me not to worry about it and keep them. I don't want any reminders of him. I had to put all of our photos and keepsakes he gave me, including my bday gifts from a few weeks ago, and a watch he bought me for Vday, in a box.

I have a headache from crying.

March 30, 2011

It just sounds like you two weren't meant to be with each other.

March 30, 2011

I am sympathetic to your situation, but I have to be real with you. If you want this man back at some point, OR if you simply want to heal. You are making all the wrong moves. There is tons of information on this site explaining the importance of NC. I believe the sooner it's done, the greater possibility of a positive.

You must stop being selfish, and put your feelings and emotions aside the best you can. You man either fell out of love with you, or he wasn't ready to commit. You cannot change this. Any anger you show is only making YOU feel worse and him feel justified in his actions. From this point forward, do not contact him by any means. It WILL be for the best. No matter what happens.

March 30, 2011

I am sympathetic to your situation, but I have to be real with you. If you want this man back at some point, OR if you simply want to heal. You are making all the wrong moves. There is tons of information on this site explaining the importance of NC. I believe the sooner it's done, the greater possibility of a positive.

You must stop being selfish, and put your feelings and emotions aside the best you can. You man either fell out of love with you, or he wasn't ready to commit. You cannot change this. Any anger you show is only making YOU feel worse and him feel justified in his actions. From this point forward, do not contact him by any means. It WILL be for the best. No matter what happens.

I don't think he is ever coming back. So I didn't really think it mattered if I had some things to say. I'm not contacting him anymore. He offered to be friends when we are both ready, but I declined.

March 30, 2011

I am sympathetic to your situation, but I have to be real with you. If you want this man back at some point, OR if you simply want to heal. You are making all the wrong moves. There is tons of information on this site explaining the importance of NC. I believe the sooner it's done, the greater possibility of a positive.

You must stop being selfish, and put your feelings and emotions aside the best you can. You man either fell out of love with you, or he wasn't ready to commit. You cannot change this. Any anger you show is only making YOU feel worse and him feel justified in his actions. From this point forward, do not contact him by any means. It WILL be for the best. No matter what happens.

I think this is an acceptable time to be selfish. I focused so much on making him happy and he let me go.

March 30, 2011

You deserve a better guy, seriously

he didn't reciprocate your feelings to him and it is a first big step that you know you will not want him back.

When i threw away the stuffs my ex bf gave me, it was very heart wrenching too but I was happy I did it anyway.

March 30, 2011

Its so pathetic I was hoping he would respond saying something but he didn't. I texted him today telling him I have some of his clothing and I would drop it off and leave it on his car. He told me not to worry about it and keep them. I don't want any reminders of him. I had to put all of our photos and keepsakes he gave me, including my bday gifts from a few weeks ago, and a watch he bought me for Vday, in a box.

I have a headache from crying.

You are certainly entitled to be selfish! And why on earth are you giving back gifts? Girl, don't give that stuff back, it is YOURS. Gift. Remember? Put it all away until when you can look at it. It is way too soon to be considering getting rid of that stuff.

Please don't contact him. He does not care about how you feel. Yes, it is painful, I know, and a shock. However... Buck up, be strong, be Selfish with your feelings here.

That "goodbye" email was some spin, obviously he is a charmer. At least you have closure on this, dear. Please do not contact him, throw his clothing in the trash. I've been down this road, focusing on making the guy happy -- bad idea. You are very special and HE should be focused on making you happy! You are special as you are and don't ever change or feel you must change for a man. This exbf was just not "the one." (((HUGS)))

March 30, 2011

You are certainly entitled to be selfish! And why on earth are you giving back gifts? Girl, don't give that stuff back, it is YOURS. Gift. Remember? Put it all away until when you can look at it. It is way too soon to be considering getting rid of that stuff.

Please don't contact him. He does not care about how you feel. Yes, it is painful, I know, and a shock. However... Buck up, be strong, be Selfish with your feelings here.

That "goodbye" email was some spin, obviously he is a charmer. At least you have closure on this, dear. Please do not contact him, throw his clothing in the trash. I've been down this road, focusing on making the guy happy -- bad idea. You are very special and HE should be focused on making you happy! You are special as you are and don't ever change or feel you must change for a man. This exbf was just not "the one." (((HUGS)))

I keep blaming myself. So its still so hard for me not to believe he "could have" been the one. I'm not throwing the gifts out, just in a box. Too painful.

March 30, 2011

You deserve a better guy, seriously

he didn't reciprocate your feelings to him and it is a first big step that you know you will not want him back.

When i threw away the stuffs my ex bf gave me, it was very heart wrenching too but I was happy I did it anyway.

your right he didn't. i hope I will realize it soon

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This email made me realize its REALLY over. Don't know how to deal with the pain!

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