WaveShifter Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 So long story short I have an ex from 2.5 yrs ago that I have been in contact with ever since the breakup. We lived together close to 6 years. I would say I was the dumper but it was pretty mutual, we kind of drifted apart. My big issue with him was he wasn't working for 2 of those years which put a lot of strain on me, and he played computer games for 40 some odd hrs a week, instead of looking for work. After we broke up, he did pretty well for himself and got a good job, he hinted at getting back together twice, but I told him I couldn't do it as I was moving out of the country for a year. I didn't want to start something and not be able to finish it. Well, I came back in December, and all of a sudden I was having dreams about him. I'm not sure what triggered it, perhaps seeing our hometown again. Now we had always remained in contact, but never really any phone calls- I would say we were text/email buddies if anything. We maybe went out for drinks twice before I left. So, end of December, after a few dreams about him, I decided to call him. He didn't sound too happy, said he was busy and to call tomorrow. I thought, oh crap, maybe he has a girlfriend, hope I didn't cause trouble. So I sent him an email, asking if he had a girlfriend, and maybe he was afraid to tell me, but it's okay. Also kind of asked if he ever saw us reconnecting again, and told him about the dreams. He wrote back right away saying he doesn't have a girlfriend but there is someone he is seeing, and he only sees me as a friend, and he doesn't see himself being in a relationship for a long time. Well, we continue to text for the next month, just the usual, catching up, funny stories, no more or less than before. Well the next month his texts increase, next thing you know he's texting me pics of the cat we used to share (they are father and son, he has the son, I have the father) pretty much daily. He also starts texting me to wake me up for work, and we were both working night shifts- so we'd text all night complaining about how we are going to manage staying awake. So, now we are in the month of march, I have a new job that is day shifts- so he's been texting me to wake me up for those in the morning. Last week he texted me asking about his game account info (we used to play an online game together years ago). So I had to call him to explain the situation with the account. So, 3 days later (today) he texts me to call him as he has a funny story from work. So I called and we ended up talking for 2 hours even though he was supposed to be sleeping as he has to work at night. It wasn't flirty or anything, just catching up, talking about work and family and stuff. Then he said he was thinking of resubscribing to the game and wanted to know what days I have off so we can play together, as he said he's often bored on weekends. He said the girl he was seeing went back to her home state (its government so you have to go where they put you till your contract is up). I don't think they are doing long distance, I mean, it's possible as we are all from the same state, but he is stationed out of state for the next 2 years until he can transfer. The other thing that makes me think they are not together is just based on some random story he was telling me about his co-worker who's a sleeze and meets different "nasty" girls online and he tried to get him to hook up with some chick who was uglier than sin lol. So, I don't think the co-worker would suggest that if he was still with this girl. He said that his friends/family don't visit him, said only his brother does. Said his dad said he would visit but he doesn't see it happening, but he did mention he thinks "this girl" will visit. I don't know what to think because he never referred to her as his gf/ex or anything, when he talked about her it was "that girl I told you about". Kind of makes me think she was a fwb or something? So, I guess I'm just trying to figure out what the deal here is. Is this him just being a friend, or is it leading to more. It's one thing to just play games together, but I kinda find it odd that for the last month or 2 he's been waking me up for work. I mean, I pretty much put it out there in December, so I don't think I should ask again. Do you think he is maybe testing the waters?
Rose T Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 So, I guess I'm just trying to figure out what the deal here is. Is this him just being a friend, or is it leading to more. It's one thing to just play games together, but I kinda find it odd that for the last month or 2 he's been waking me up for work. I mean, I pretty much put it out there in December, so I don't think I should ask again. Do you think he is maybe testing the waters? Hi WaveShifter, sounds quite possible that the girl is out of the picture, but the only way you're really going to find out is from him. Why don't you suggest a meet up? Texting you in the morning is sweet, as is the interest in the game, but if you want a relationship with this man, shouldn't you try getting it out into real life? Maybe go for a coffee and see if the chemistry is still there.
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 maybe you can meet him up for a coffee like Rose T suggested, however please don't have any objective in mind that he's coming back for you, because if he is not intending to do so, you may start going into the confusing state wondering what is he thinking and doing. ^_^
Author WaveShifter Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Hi WaveShifter, sounds quite possible that the girl is out of the picture, but the only way you're really going to find out is from him. Why don't you suggest a meet up? Texting you in the morning is sweet, as is the interest in the game, but if you want a relationship with this man, shouldn't you try getting it out into real life? Maybe go for a coffee and see if the chemistry is still there. I wish I could meet up with him, but he's in the next state over, about an 11 hour drive. I kind of put it out there yesterday, he was texting to see if I thought he should buy some atv's in May. So, I texted back that if he gets them by the end of summer maybe I could fly in for a visit. He didn't reply to that text, but he did to the other things we were talking about. So, I think I'm just going to roll with this one. There's so many things it could be, maybe they are together and he's worried he'll hurt my feelings so he didn't say anything. Or maybe he lost the girl and really doesn't want to make any future plans with anyone at the moment. I think I'll just take a back seat on this one and see where it goes. Perhaps he'll bring up me visiting him at a later date if he feels ready. Thanks for the input gals
Rose T Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I wish I could meet up with him, but he's in the next state over, about an 11 hour drive. I kind of put it out there yesterday, he was texting to see if I thought he should buy some atv's in May. So, I texted back that if he gets them by the end of summer maybe I could fly in for a visit. He didn't reply to that text, but he did to the other things we were talking about. So, I think I'm just going to roll with this one. There's so many things it could be, maybe they are together and he's worried he'll hurt my feelings so he didn't say anything. Or maybe he lost the girl and really doesn't want to make any future plans with anyone at the moment. I think I'll just take a back seat on this one and see where it goes. Perhaps he'll bring up me visiting him at a later date if he feels ready. Thanks for the input gals It can be hard when you like someone, but if you can think of him as an option rather than the object of your interest, it would probably be more fun for you going forward. Remind yourself you're single (in the positive sense) and keep an eye out for promising guys in your neighbourhood! I might be biased after my recent experiences, but relationships with people that you live near are so much more fulfilling and enjoyable, IME. It's easy for others to say, I know you have a strong connection with this man, but if it's not going to develop, you have the chance in the meantime to find love closer to home, and I definitely wouldn't underestimate the potential of that this spring.
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