Ravashing2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Ok, I will try to make a very very very long love story w/ a bad ending as short as possible.......... - over 3 years ago back in December '07, I met & started dating & quickly fell in love w/ a coworker of mine at our annual Company Holiday party. -All was great for the 1st 9 or 10 months, as we both felt like we were on cloud 9 the more and more time we spent with each other. The love & affection & intimacy was definity mutually present. - As the holidays '08 approached, suddenly, she puts her foot on the gas pedal of the relationship a bit and starts becoming a bit more demanding about a wedding & future & most importantly (from her point of view) an expected ENGAGEMENT ring for X-mas present!.....Not only from her, but at this time, I notice her Mother becoming more and more involved in her daughters affairs and even pulled me aside a few times to seemingly put the pressure on me to propose to her daughter soon and wanted to know when I was going to do it.....(Should've been a red flag right there!) Her Father, on the other hand, seemingly had very little say in the matters and seemed even out in the dark in what his wife & daughter were requesting from me. Reflecting back, it seems like the Mother & his daughter had very little value or respect for the poor guy. (The inside jokes b/ween the two of them about him, constantly busting his chops, subtle insults, complaining about him, hiding information & secrets from him, etc...) - fast forward to valentine's weekend, and I decided to POP the big question (in a romantic and dramatic fashion that I know she will never EVER forget as long as she lives, no matter who she ends up with!). I popped the question despite my feelings of confusion, confliction and feeling that it just wasn't the right time and too soon. I told myself this is just natural feelings and known as the 'jitters' and left it at that at the time. I really loved her and decided to take the plunge! -Shortly as the hoopla and excitement of the enagagement wore off, again, I see a demanding, manipulative, connivving, control freakish side of both her and her damn mother about how the wedding will be and WHEN it should take place after me and my fiancee' seemed to come to an agreement when we got engaged that we need over a year to prep for this, mostly for obvious financial reasons. No value or respect at all for my take on the time frame and they wanted it THEIR way only! No flexibility whatsoever! No compromise. - Several weeks later the tension b/ween not only me and my fiancee' was building up, but also our families and our differing views on the time frame started coming to a head. She & her Mother wanted the wedding asap, within 2 months that same year, while I & my folks couldn't understand what the big rush was and felt that a year to 18 months of planning would be a lot more beneficial to everyone. It all came to a big head one day at their house where our families had a huge fight about it, but HER mother crossing the line and insulting not only me but my family! I walked out of the house and me and my fiancee went several weeks before we even saw or spoke to one another again. I wasn't interested in speaking to her again without an apology, in which I never really got. -We finally met one summer day at a park and talked a bit, but it was mostly to tell me what she felt I did wrong and how the problems were all my & my families fault and no fault at all to her family, despite being blatantly insulted several weeks earlier. We both drove away in our cars angry and that was pretty much the day we parted ways for good! No real closure b/ween us. -towards the end of that summer of '09, I hear she's already started seeing someone new, a dorky pre-med student that a co-worker of hers set her up w/ as a rebound! When I heard that, I never felt so betrayed & angry that she could so quickly move on after all we've been through toegether! WTF! - Fast forward to present day, a year and a half later............and she is STILL seeing this guy that was suppossed to be a rebound reltionship for her. Apparrently it winded up to be more than that and pretty serious at this point I would think if they're still w/ each other......While I have been through a few different short relationships but nothing really heavily involved like my relationship w/ my ex. When we broke up, i decided to work on myself for a bit and some self improvement ( Working out religiously, saving money, reading and trying to stimulate my intellect more than I did, pushing for promotions at work, etc. trying to get my own small business setup, etc.) After nearly a year of no contact at all w/ her (She no longer works at my company since she got fired last summer) and nearly 2 years since we broke off the engagement, and lots of questions, soul-searching.....I've realized, however, that I'm still in love w/ her and I think deep deep down, she still loves me too, despite the involvement w/ the new relationship. I think she's afraid to find out that she still loves me and that's why she purposely has no contact w/ me and has tried to avoid any contact whatsoever since our breakup and expecially since she's been seeing this new guy. Something powerful is burning inside me to make another run at her and that "TRUE LOVE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR".......I obviously have an uphill climb here, but I've been prepping myself for several weeks for the big challenge.....SO I guess my real question is....... HOW SHOULD I GO ABOUT TRYING TO WIN HER BACK NOW????? IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET HER BACK, DESPITE NEARLY A YEAR W/ NO CONTACT AND HER BEING WELL INVOLVED W/ ANOTHER PERSON AT THIS POINT???? I NEED TO KNOW FOR GOOD, EITHER WAY NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME........THOUGHTS AND FEEDBACK GREATLY APPRECIATED! THANK YOU
Lemontang Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) ....- Fast forward to present day, a year and a half later............and she is STILL seeing this guy that was supposed to be a rebound relationship for her. Apparently it winded up to be more than that and pretty serious at this point I would think if they're still w/ each other. Dude read that again and again. She's with another guy period and has been now for clearly awhile now. That and the history shows you kids getting back together will likely only spell trouble again. I've been there, head over heels for a girl that literally refused to compromise or change anything to help the relationship, in short it was all about her and despite still having feelings for her to this day I know I could never go back to her as I'd be devaluing my own self worth in doing so and saying her behavior was ok. You going back to this would be no different. That and your wanting to steal this girl back from another guy who obviously cares about her as well and as it's seems have been together for almost as long at you two were. Your basically asking for permission to be the bad guy that splits a couple up, so you can have what you want. Your questions already been answered by her, she's with another guy dude. Edited March 29, 2011 by Lemontang
Author Ravashing2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 ~"Your basically asking for permission to be the bad guy that splits a couple up, so you can have what you want. Your questions already been answered by her, she's with another guy dude."~ It depends on your perspective as to whether or not I'm cast as the "bad guy" in this scenerio. Sure, to someone that doesn't know the history here of the situation, at first glance, it does look like I'm the other person here about to interfere in a blossoming relationship b/ween these 2......but let's get a few facts straight here......... Firstly, she has forced herself to have feelings for this person b/c it more "politically correct" for her to be w/ this Pre-Med, to-be Doctor. She isn't her own person and her Mother's approval is such a big deal to her. She is scared to disagree or challenge or even debate her mother on anything major. Example, is the big fight after the engagement at their house and her Mom pushed things to another level and insulted me & my family.....and she doesn't say a damn thing to her Mom about it!! If the tables were turned and my Mother dared to say something so harsh and degrading to my fiancee', I would've stopped her right there and scolded her about it to say the least! Point being, she is incapable of standing up to her manipulative and connivving Mother. Her mother is probably more approving of "Pre-med" boy because it's more "politically correct" for her elitist, upscale mother and since pre-med boy is their ticket to financial security for her daughter. Whereas, she looked at her being w/ me as more of a gamble and not a sure thing because I have more of a blue-collar background and that i don't have a Doctorate degree dangling in front of me anytime soon. (So, I'm choosing a different path to success!) Point being is that she, my ex-fiancee', has seemed to come to terms that family approval & acceptance of her partner is more important than connection & compatibility ( which I'm pretty positive she doesn't have it w/ this guy at the same level as she had it w/ me!) To an extent, that is wrong, b/c she doesn't have the guts to stand up to her parents, particularly her Mom, and cut the umbilical cord attachment that she still seems to have and make it clear that she will love who she wants to love! Secondly, this guy happened to show up in this girls life at the right time and when she was at her most vulnerable right after our break up. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if her mother had something to do w/ helping to get them set up together and paving the way for him a bit to make it easier for him. I know his own cousin, who worked w/ my ex at the time, was a big part as well in setting the both of them up initially. I'm sure he wouldn't of had the set of cajones to straight up strike up a conversation w/ her on his own if it weren't for some middle person to break the ice for him. She seems a little out of his league. He seems like too much of a goon & dorky type that seems to have had very little previous success w/ women. Believe me, he knew she was in a vulnerable state and took well advantage of it! Thirdly,.....last year....a few months after we had split up. Our paths crossed at our company's Holiday party (ironically, it was the holiday party 2 years earlier where we initially connected). She was there w/ her date (her new bf at the time) and I was there with my date (a girl i was seeing at the time). I tried to pay no attention to her most of the night and tried to stay out of each others way. However, she couldn't do that, because she kept finding where me and my date were dancing on the ballroom floor and came right up next to us and started dancing as if she wanted to be sure that i saw her w/ this other person! As if to get a jealous reaction out of me! How childish! My date saw what was going on, and quickly pulled me to the other side of the dance floor so I wouldn't do or say something I would maybe regret at our company party. She still loved me that much to want to make me jealous if she was resorting to that type of behavior, despite dating this person for at least 5 months or so at the time. So.....they aren't exactly saints here either and if anything it is like I'm the underdog here in a heavyweight fight vs. a number 1 contender that is considered the favorite! Most people like to see the underdog pull off the upset over the favorite and it makes things a lot more interesting! The underdog always has nothing to lose and gives it his all and sometimes knocks the heavweight favorite down b/c the heavyweight wasn't prepared or totoally underestimated him!! Don't ever UNDERESTIMATE the heart of this fighter. Im fighting for the "all the Average/ blue collar American guys out there vs. your preppy, snobby, Self-proclaimed elitists that think they are better than you! Let's win this one for the "little man" this time! I think most people would like to see the Average Joe win in this case!
Lemontang Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 ...Firstly, she has forced herself to have feelings for this person b/c it more "politically correct" for her to be w/ this Pre-Med, to-be Doctor....etc... I'm guessing this is based on your perspective of this, especially after over 2 years apart. Doctor, pre-med, scientist, social worker, bricky to warehouse lacky. It really doesn't matter academically what you do, but more so the person you are. I've dated at all levels, one was an IT scientist and despite myself having an IT background she was boring as bat****, where as an unemployed single mum I found fascinating. Right now I'm with a triple degree social scientist and she's awesome to be with, not because of what she does. But because we share similar interests and have a really awesome time exploring them. She isn't her own person and her Mother's approval is such a big deal to her. She is scared to disagree or challenge or even debate her mother on anything major. Example, is the big fight after the engagement at their house and her Mom pushed things to another level and insulted me & my family.....and she doesn't say a damn thing to her Mom about it!! If the tables were turned and my Mother dared to say something so harsh and degrading to my fiancee', I would've stopped her right there and scolded her about it to say the least!....etc...Here's a pretty good reason for not being with her if this is still the case. At the very least I'd expect my partner to have my back especially when I wouldn't even need to second guess if I should for her myself. That's a red flag if ever I saw one. Having had a similar experience with an ex, my folks where considering divorce. So what did she do? Made fun of the whole thing and berated on me because of it. No loving caring person would do that to there partner. And here you had a girl that not only didn't have your back, but expected an apology from you for something you didn't do wrong. You really want to go back to that? really? ....She seems a little out of his league. He seems like too much of a goon & dorky type that seems to have had very little previous success w/ women.Dude seriously? So your saying she hasn't got the right of free choice to choose who she thinks in her league. Nothing wrong with punching above ones weight and if you connect then that's an awesome win. But honestly I've seen some pretty odd couples that simply just work. Heck just look at Matthew Broderick and his prize winning horse..ahem um I mean wife Sarah Jessica Parker. Thirdly,.....last year....a few months after we had split up. Our paths crossed at our company's Holiday party (ironically, it was the holiday party 2 years earlier where we initially connected). She was there w/ her date (her new bf at the time) and I was there with my date (a girl i was seeing at the time). I tried to pay no attention to her most of the night and tried to stay out of each others way. However, she couldn't do that, because she kept finding where me and my date were dancing on the ballroom floor and came right up next to us and started dancing as if she wanted to be sure that i saw her w/ this other person! As if to get a jealous reaction out of me! How childish! My date saw what was going on, and quickly pulled me to the other side of the dance floor so I wouldn't do or say something I would maybe regret at our company party. She still loved me that much to want to make me jealous if she was resorting to that type of behavior, despite dating this person for at least 5 months or so at the time.Yes that was then this is now. This is pretty normal. I've had ex's rub their current beau's in my face before if only to get a reaction. Read the forums on here and you'll see plenty of examples. I'm guilty of it myself and always in hindsight I see how stupid it was. So.....they aren't exactly saints here either and if anything it is like I'm the underdog here in a heavyweight fight vs. a number 1 contender that is considered the favorite! Most people like to see the underdog pull off the upset over the favorite and it makes things a lot more interesting! The underdog always has nothing to lose and gives it his all and sometimes knocks the heavweight favorite down b/c the heavyweight wasn't prepared or totoally underestimated him!! Don't ever UNDERESTIMATE the heart of this fighter. Im fighting for the "all the Average/ blue collar American guys out there vs. your preppy, snobby, Self-proclaimed elitists that think they are better than you! Let's win this one for the "little man" this time! I think most people would like to see the Average Joe win in this case!I love this I really do, but you can put your copy of Some Kind of Wonderful or The Breakfast Club away now. The reality is she's been with this guy for some time now, even if it did start as a rebound, after that much time I'd find it hard to see it as one now regardless of it's beginnings. You've also been NC with her for quite some time. You don't really know what's in her head and ones build up of ideas overtime can skew our own perception of things. But I will say when you've been with someone for that long, then you coming along is really just going to be a fly in the ointment. She's not contacting you or at the very least throwing you breadcrumbs. She's moved on and I'd be doing the same. Sorry dude to break it that way but you really need to snap out of it. It appears you've been dwelling on this for some time and allowed it to fester.
Recommended Posts