Eeyore79 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I'm over-analyzing. Trying to find a reason why, that would explain my troubles. I don't think that I have a bad personality, I'd think the opposite actually. The problem is that it's not dynamic enough to compensate for my physical appearance. Your physical appearance probably isn't as bad as you think; I'm sure some girls would really like you. What's unattractive is this "I'm so ugly, nobody will ever want me" attitude. My friend is like that, and although he's no Brad Pitt, he certainly isn't as hideous as he thinks he is. He has a habit of saying that girls aren't interested in him, but in actual fact he doesn't approach any girls to even find out if they're interested (and some of them would be). He's afraid to approach because of his own low self esteem and fear of girls confirming his own negative feelings about being ugly. He thinks nobody would want him anyway so why bother trying, and he doesn't want the girl to feel embarrassed because an ugly guy likes her, nor does he want to feel humiliated and hurt when she inevitably rejects him. He projects his own feelings about being ugly onto a woman, and assumes she thinks the same way about him as he thinks about himself. His problem was never his looks; it was his obvious lack of self esteem and his resulting nervous, non-confident behavior. I really think you would benefit from working on your self esteem and confidence. How can you expect someone else to like you when you don't even like yourself? Or maybe that's the problem; you don't like yourself so you assume nobody else will?
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Your physical appearance probably isn't as bad as you think; I'm sure some girls would really like you. What's unattractive is this "I'm so ugly, nobody will ever want me" attitude. My friend is like that, and although he's no Brad Pitt, he certainly isn't as hideous as he thinks he is. He has a habit of saying that girls aren't interested in him, but in actual fact he doesn't approach any girls to even find out if they're interested (and some of them would be). He's afraid to approach because of his own low self esteem and fear of girls confirming his own negative feelings about being ugly. He thinks nobody would want him anyway so why bother trying, and he doesn't want the girl to feel embarrassed because an ugly guy likes her, nor does he want to feel humiliated and hurt when she inevitably rejects him. He projects his own feelings about being ugly onto a woman, and assumes she thinks the same way about him as he thinks about himself. His problem was never his looks; it was his obvious lack of self esteem and his resulting nervous, non-confident behavior. I really think you would benefit from working on your self esteem and confidence. How can you expect someone else to like you when you don't even like yourself? Or maybe that's the problem; you don't like yourself so you assume nobody else will? I think the advice you are giving is fantastic and much needed. ... but how do you expect him to do that? There is no confidence fairy!
threebyfate Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 There's no such thing as being universally attractive. The assumption that all women find the same men attractive is pure bunk. Bet if we polled all the female respondees using male celebrities acting in specific roles, you won't get a uniform consensus about who they'd be willing to do the horizontal mambo with. When guys do the "all women are attracted to the same x percentage" it's a way to not take any personal responsibility for themselves. They can then say, well I'm not part of this percentage and nothing I do will change the shallow nature of all women. Note the pushing out of "fault"? And yet, average looking men get into relationships all the time, where they're not rich or [insert some enviable trait]. Why? Because they don't make erroneous assumptions where they project their own insecurities onto the opposite gender. These guys actually like women and themselves.
waynebrady Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Women can't find a man physically attractive, it's not in their nature as women. Women don't get attracted to a man. What makes a man attractive is, being a gentleman, or being rich, or having power... that sorta things.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I think the sheer numbers of women attracted to Edward or Jacob from the Twilight series would disagree with you, Wayne.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 There's no such thing as being universally attractive. The assumption that all women find the same men attractive is pure bunk. Bet if we polled all the female respondees using male celebrities acting in specific roles, you won't get a uniform consensus about who they'd be willing to do the horizontal mambo with. When guys do the "all women are attracted to the same x percentage" it's a way to not take any personal responsibility for themselves. They can then say, well I'm not part of this percentage and nothing I do will change the shallow nature of all women. Note the pushing out of "fault"? And yet, average looking men get into relationships all the time, where they're not rich or [insert some enviable trait]. Why? Because they don't make erroneous assumptions where they project their own insecurities onto the opposite gender. These guys actually like women and themselves. Yes.... if asked to choose between 10 different rich, popular, attractive, famous men... women will have some variation. I'm sorry, but studies on women have consistently shown that in a tribal setting they would prefer to be the Top guys 2nd wife, than the bottom guys whole world. No that doesn't mean women are invariably shallow... or that average guys are screwed. There are too many variables in play for that. However, we can say that everyone prefers to date UP.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Yes.... if asked to choose between 10 different rich, popular, attractive, famous men... women will have some variation. I'm sorry, but studies on women have consistently shown that in a tribal setting they would prefer to be the Top guys 2nd wife, than the bottom guys whole world. No that doesn't mean women are invariably shallow... or that average guys are screwed. There are too many variables in play for that. However, we can say that everyone prefers to date UP. Men settle for less attractive women. Women settle for cats.
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Your physical appearance probably isn't as bad as you think; I'm sure some girls would really like you. What's unattractive is this "I'm so ugly, nobody will ever want me" attitude. I'd agree with you, if I have the showed my anonymous forum side to people in real life. But I just don't do that, and I'm not negative around real people. My friend is like that, and although he's no Brad Pitt, he certainly isn't as hideous as he thinks he is. He has a habit of saying that girls aren't interested in him, but in actual fact he doesn't approach any girls to even find out if they're interested (and some of them would be). He's afraid to approach because of his own low self esteem and fear of girls confirming his own negative feelings about being ugly. He thinks nobody would want him anyway so why bother trying, and he doesn't want the girl to feel embarrassed because an ugly guy likes her, nor does he want to feel humiliated and hurt when she inevitably rejects him.Does he approach at all? I've posted several threads about the rejections I have received. I, am, trying. Granted I could be asking out even more girls but I don't pick up the interest signals very often. So which means I'll have to approach and get rejected by a girl who had no interest in me at all. I really think you would benefit from working on your self esteem and confidence. How can you expect someone else to like you when you don't even like yourself? Or maybe that's the problem; you don't like yourself so you assume nobody else will?It's impossible to "work on my confidence." You know what boosts my confidence and self-esteem? Getting dates with women. Being desired is a huge ego boost. And that's a very rare thing for me. There's no such thing as being universally attractive. The assumption that all women find the same men attractive is pure bunk. Bet if we polled all the female respondees using male celebrities acting in specific roles, you won't get a uniform consensus about who they'd be willing to do the horizontal mambo with. You're looking at it in the wrong way. It's not about celebrities. What we are saying is that if you think a guy is hot and doable, odds are most other women will too. There is a reason that the guys who are good with women, can sleep with a lot of women if they wanted to.
PJKino Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 There is a reason that the guys who are good with women, can sleep with a lot of women if they wanted to. Yup,in my social circle it was always the one really good looking guy in the group who every women in that social circle wanted and had at a time or another,theyd rather share that really hot guy then have an average one
threebyfate Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 You're looking at it in the wrong way. It's not about celebrities. What we are saying is that if you think a guy is hot and doable, odds are most other women will too. There is a reason that the guys who are good with women, can sleep with a lot of women if they wanted to.No, you're completely missing my point. Notice the celebrity roles portion? This means that it includes the opportunity to get a more well rounded perspective of the character, not the celebrity himself. Are there men who many women find attractive? Well duh! Is every woman solely after the same percentage of men? No, duh!
Eeyore79 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I'd agree with you, if I have the showed my anonymous forum side to people in real life. But I just don't do that, and I'm not negative around real people. Does he approach at all? Yeah, he did approach occasionally, but he acted so nervous that the women were turned off. I saw him do this and pointed out his mistake, but he insisted he was rejected due to being fat and ugly, not due to his behavior. Maybe your negativity comes across more than you realize? Granted I could be asking out even more girls but I don't pick up the interest signals very often. So which means I'll have to approach and get rejected by a girl who had no interest in me at all. Yeah, I agree it's hard for men because they have to do the approaching. From a female perspective I'd say I'm unlikely to give signals to a guy I don't know. But if he approached me and was friendly and flirty, then I'd get to know him a little and might like him, and might be receptive to the offer of a date. I think you need to get into the habit of making flirtatious conversation even if it goes nowhere, even if you're not attracted to the girl - it's fun, and maybe it will create enough attraction with some girls to get them interested in you. You know what boosts my confidence and self-esteem? Getting dates with women. If your self esteem hangs on whether someone else wants to date you, then that's a problem. Someone else should not get to dictate whether you're an attractive and worthwhile person. You're supposed to like yourself and be happy with your looks regardless of what others think. That's what you need to work on.
Author Ross PK Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 If your self esteem hangs on whether someone else wants to date you, then that's a problem. Someone else should not get to dictate whether you're an attractive and worthwhile person. You're supposed to like yourself and be happy with your looks regardless of what others think. That's what you need to work on. Wouldn't it be natural for someones self esteem to be low if no one ever showed interest in them, which would obviously make them feel undesirable?
utterer of lies Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Wouldn't it be natural for someones self esteem to be low if no one ever showed interest in them, which would obviously make them feel undesirable? So it's not your fault that your self-esteem is so low, and that's why it's ok not trying to chance yourself for the better?
PJKino Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 So it's not your fault that your self-esteem is so low, and that's why it's ok not trying to chance yourself for the better? Nobodies saying its not the persons fault how or what they feel but its also condescending for people to tell someobdy they arent allowed to be depressed or sad that nobody has ever shown a romantic interest in them if they havent gone through it themselves.. Unless you know how it feels to never have the opposite sex interested in you dont tell people how they should feel about it..
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 So it's not your fault that your self-esteem is so low, No, it's not. I had absolutely no control whatsoever in how my confidence and self-esteem developed. I believe it all started with my parents divorce when I was 3. Then every once in a while new issues popped up that made things harder. and that's why it's ok not trying to change yourself for the better?Where did you get that thought from? Self-improvement is a long and hard process. With no guarantee of seeing any actual results. That in itself can lead to increased depression.
Eeyore79 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) Nobodies saying its not the persons fault how or what they feel but its also condescending for people to tell someobdy they arent allowed to be depressed or sad that nobody has ever shown a romantic interest in them if they havent gone through it themselves. I'm a shy and quiet person, and I don't really get on well with most people, so I find it difficult to make friends. Should I hate myself because nobody wants to be my friend? I used to... I thought there must obviously be something wrong with me if people didn't want to be my friend. But over time I developed a "F*** them!" sort of attitude. I'm a decent trustworthy person, I'm educated and employed, I raise money for charity, I'm kind to people and animals, so if people don't want to be my friend for whatever reason then that's their problem. I don't hate myself simply because I'm not compatible with the majority. I'm lucky in that I'm not entirely alone. I have a number of acquaintances who make conversation with me when we bump into each other, even though we're not really friends. I have a couple of nice family members. I have a boyfriend, though I still can't shake the feeling that he wouldn't want to be my friend if we were just friends and weren't having sex. So don't tell me I don't know how it feels to be unwanted. I simply refuse to let other people dictate my self worth; I'm a good person whether other people want to spend time with me or not. It's easy to sit back and be a victim of how other people's behavior shaped your self esteem - it's much harder to claim your self esteem back and believe you're a good person by your own standards, no matter what anyone else says. Edited March 29, 2011 by Eeyore79
depplover_1980 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I find 6.243% of the male population attractive.
Titania22 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 This is definately one question where the answer isn't 42.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 This is definately one question where the answer isn't 42. That is only because you don't find the answer to the meaning of life in the attractiveness of men.
interfuse Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Um that depends. I'm kind of attracted to white guys a lot. Okay no, I AM attracted to white guys A LOT. So I will say that I think about 90% give or take of white guys I find attractive. The other ethnicities 50%.
Analeigh Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Physically attractive? Probably 15%. That takes into account an age range though, as I usually don't find men over 35-ish attractive unless they are just really, really up there. I'd still probably only date 5% of those, though. Of course, I have also dated a couple of guys I didn't find attractive. Obviously never worked out.
johan Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 What percentage of women out there find me more attractive than Chris Brown?
Intricategirl Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Physically attractive- 30% or so. But I've got an odd "type". Emotionally attractive- 5%. Spiritually attractive- 1%. Intellectually attractive- 15%. God help the poor boy that meets every one of these attraction levels. I might accidentally break my toy by playing with it too rough.
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