Renny_H Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 I’m in serious trouble at school on Monday. I’m such a bastard. Here’s what happened: I have a moderate friendship with a brunette girl (who I don’t see as breeding material), and we talk good, but I have no love interest for her, but I’ve been told this girl holds a ‘secret’ passion for me because I’m heaps nice to her. She’s never openly sent me signals, such as touching and innocent hugs, coz I think she’s never had a boyfriend and is full of trepidation about doing such stuff. She’s a bit of a tomboy (she plays soccer ), her body is good but her face isn’t portraiture material, you know? And ergo, her personality isn’t really as womanly and sensual as I would like. Okay, so she has a crush on me, and I currently have a crush on another girl ( blonde hair, aspiring actress, loveable smile, extroverted). Now, I’ve been sending emails to the both of them: I’ve been sending the brunette playful friendly ones discussing school; and the blondegirl receives poetry and my feelings of affection towards her. [color=cyan]And now here’s where the stuff gets heavy. [/color]The brunette doesn’t know I have a crush on the blondegirl, and that I’ve been seriously courting the blonde girl. Why? Because I kept it a secret, because I knew she liked me and I didn’t want to lose her as a friend coz I know she expects more from me. I know the brunette sees me as her suitor, but I seriously don’t care to hear that. Alright, now listen to why I’m in [color=red]DEEP TROUBLE!!![/color] On Friday at school, I’m hanging around the brunette , and then the blondewalks by and says, “Renny, I love it when you send me those beautiful poems. I’ll send you one.” OH NO!!! The brunette caught the whiff, and after the blondeleft, the brunette just ran off. No explanation. She just ran. But I sensed a bit of depression from her beforehand. [color=brown]So what d’you I should do on Monday? Act dumb and tell the brunette, “I didn’t think you liked me like that. You never spoke up about your feelings.” Or should I tell her the truth and say, “You have too many things that turn me off sexually, but I still think you’re a nice friend.”[/color] I really hate girls that admire me and never express themselves that they want into my pants.
jenny Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 i'm so sad for you. you must be hurting very badly to construct yourself in this way. hang in there.
gaia Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 You have just played this girl along for the boost to your ego, haven't you? I'm all for flirtation and the rest, but you KNEW she liked you and you deliberately kept your feelings for the other girl secret in order that you could continue to derive gratification from the brunette girl. Don't come on here pretending to feel bad about it.
moimeme Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Playing Ugly Girls Do her a favour and remove yourself from her life.
jenny Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 he was just brutally rejected by the other girl, who barely knew he existed, if the other posts are any accurate indication. i suspect this post is to assure himself that he is still in control, even though he is more or less apparently at the mercy of these women. to me, this post is bursting with insecurity. renny, i don't mean to talk about you in the third person - but please please re-read your posts. i know nothing, but even to me your posts scream a deep strange problem with control issues over women.
moimeme Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 a deep strange problem with control issues over women A very good reason for absenting himself from the life of the poor hapless 'ugly' brunette.
jenny Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 i agree, definitely. in fact i kind of hope you stay away from women altogether until you get some stuff sorted out, honestly. just re-read all of your posts and think about how helpless and angry you are - i don't know how else to say this - but the way you seem to feel about romance is not normal and it is not good. i know you will flame this, and i don't care, because it needs to be said. dude, you're getting unhinged, seriously. something about chasing this girl has short-circuited you, or something, because your advice to others is often kind and smart.
gaia Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 I haven't seen your other posts, Renny, so I apologise if I have done you any kind of disservice. I will read them and make any necessary changes to my opinions.
moimeme Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 your advice to others is often kind and smart Except when it's mean and cranky.
jenny Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 a girl i knew used to say that the only thing worse than jerks are guys who desperately want to be jerks. she was not hurt by them, just bored. i suspect he is trying *really* hard to be in the latter catergory ~after~ getting no play in the 'angry nice guy' (read:not getting laid and not knowing how else to account for it) category. this way he feels like it is his discrimination that keeps him alone.
gaia Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 I've read them now. I still think the brunette would be better off if she never saw you again, but I agree with Jenny getting no play in the 'angry nice guy' (read:not getting laid and not knowing how else to account for it) category. this way he feels like it is his discrimination that keeps him alone. And he feels like he still has the control.
moimeme Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Ah! One of the believers in 'nice guys finish last; jerks get girls' theory, huh? I believe the progression is next to 'bitter, cynical misogynist'. Always jolly fun, that sort.
Pyrannaste Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Or should I tell her the truth and say, “You have too many things that turn me off sexually, but I still think you’re a nice friend.” Never ever say anything like that to a girl you care for, and you want to keep as a friend. It's awful for a girl to be told she turns off sexually a man. emphasize the "you are a really good friend, I care about you"part. make apologies such as 'i didn't mean to play you around, I've been a jerk, but I didn't mean to hurt you'. If you blame it on yourself, and say you are sorry, she'll probably take the rejection a little better.
Author Renny_H Posted April 3, 2004 Author Posted April 3, 2004 I’m not gonna flame no one, cos I want criticism. I told you I’m a bastard, so rather than flame ME, tell me how to change. I’m not pretending to feel bad, I’m just excited and nervous about Monday. I honestly don’t know what’s the problem with deliberately hiding my crush for the blonde girl from the brunette one. It’s none of her business, anyhow. She didn’t make a move on me, and I got bored and moved on. She remained quiet, she paid for it. She obviously expected me to pounce on her, pursue her. Well, who does she think she is? A supermodel? Bah. Why should I get punished for this? Oh yeah, and Jenny: I wasn’t brutally rejected by another girl, but I was rejected, and you think I’m insecure because of it? I never rely on girls to like me. I just be myself. I’m young. I’ve got plenty of time. Now, the issue you refer to constantly about me is my ‘control issues’ over women. Huh . If I was insecure, I’d be shy, right? But I’m not shy; I’m confident about myself, my ambitions and my whole life. Girls are that cherry on top, and why should I allow them to manipulate me when I know where I’m heading in life? I’m not purposely being a jerk; I just feel I have a future somewhat. These girls need to understand I’m a real catch (I don’t mean to big-note myself, but it’s true). And perhaps rejection has unhinged me a little, but you gotta go through that s*** sometime. Jenny mentioned: ‘A deep strange problem with control issues over women’. Well, the only thing I was controlling was the secret of having a crush on the blonde girl. I can’t help who I’m attracted to. And even though I knew this brunette girl liked me deeply, I seriously didn’t care. She didn’t know me; she didn’t attempt to get close; she never wears pink. I use ‘preferential discrimination’ to account for losing chicks? That’s quite possible, Jenny, but again, I don’t totally mind not being liked, even if I totally adore a girl. I get angry, but then I accept it and know that I tried my best. I told you I send girls nice letters. I don’t see any control issues here. I do care for this brunette girl. I was not stinging her along. She never, ever, ever suggested coffee, movies, fair shows, concerts, anything. She sat back so I eventually said, “Fine, you wanna be passive and carefree, go for it. But I want a challenge and I’m chasing this blonde girl. You brought this one yourself because you didn’t [color=red][font=arial]CARE[/font][/color]!!!” But if the brunette girl does attack me on Monday, it’s really gonna be hard to place the blame on myself in order to make her rejection softer… Should I blame myself anyhow? I mean, she’s never had a guy like me before.
dyermaker Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Renny, stick to girls who aren't breeding material, because I'm scared of you breeding and indoctrinating your future children with your mysoginy. You do have control issues, in that you refuse to see women as human beings, who can exercise their own volition without being manipulated by you. Additionally, you have some ridiculously victorian perceptions of women, and in the 21st century, I can see this working against you. In fact, I have a hard time believing that you don't behave this way in real life. You're quite full of yourself, (remember, I'm trying to help) and the self-proclaimed women expert that you are is enough to turn even the most poetic renny-admirer into a platonic saboteur of your romantic endeavors. You are constantly trying to not be yourself, in order to shrug off emotional investment. Which is fine, if that's what you need right now, but then you play the victim--Psyche's complex, that you're sooo beautiful that you can't get any action.
amerikajin Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Renny, First of all, what the f*ck is the big problem here? You're upset about having hurt this girl's feelings. Why? Are you her boyfriend? Are you dating her? Have you been suggesting to her all along that she's the one and only one in the picture? To my knowledge, you're not dating anyone right now - and that, to me, is the greatest crime you've committed. You've allowed yourself to get all weak-kneed when you don't even have a girlfriend. Guess what, dude? If some mediocre guy suddenly sets his eyes on the brunette and swoops in like an owl after a field mouse...you're left with nothing but an empty crush. Why do I say "empty" crush? Because that's what it is, dude. You're wasting your time sending her crap through the e-mail when you could end all of the mystery and anticipation by simply asking her one little question: what's your schedule like this Friday evening? Stop tormenting yourself, stop wasting time and get down to business.
spencer Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 I think the brunette girl ran off because your not good breeding material. you will have a better outcome if you dont say anything monday. In my opinion, try not to talk at all, narcissism and ignorance are a turn off to most women. you also said"if I was insecure, Id be shy right" once again, no many people overcompensate for their insecurity by being more outgoing, to the point of sounding overly pompous! because they dont have the real confidence to express themselves properly, they rely on a false security and generally sound over the top. to everone: sound familar?(dont worry guys remy wont reconize himself) you also expressed concern about these girls trying to manipulate you. why would you think that? this is not a normal thought to have, unless, you have had women manipulate you in the past. what are women in your family like? and then you said the brunette was too 'passive and lost out' because she didn't ask you for coffee or something. this was your behavior also, passive. take your thoughts about this action with the brunette and apply this to yourself. I have no desire to 'pick on you' but you asked for help and this is my honest opinion
Author Renny_H Posted April 3, 2004 Author Posted April 3, 2004 Ooo-ahh. Dyermaker, I knew you’d come along like a happy chappy and dissect my ideals, though I really don’t mind. You’ve never really convinced me I’m wrong about anything. Dyermaker said: ‘Renny, you have some ridiculously victorian perceptions of women’. You must explain this. I want to know what I say that conflicts with the 21st Century, because I think the 21st Century is a sex-filled hellhole and I’m glad I’m old-fashioned (My Dad hit my Mum a few times so I do wanna be respectful to women). But what is it about my supposed ‘mistreatment’ of women that’s so misogynistic? You didn’t once use examples from my two posts so far, so I can’t accept your out-of-context analysis of myself. Dyermaker said: ‘You're quite full of yourself, Renny’. Well, that’s your opinion so show me at least one quote of mine that couldn’t possibly represent the REAL me. Believe me though, I’m a very honest person, but supposedly my radicalness is unbelievable. Dyermaker said: ‘Renny, the self-proclaimed women expert that you are’. You’re implying I get a lot of girls, a lot of sex and I chase chicks like mad. However, I’m rather restrained and I only go after a few girls I genuinely find emotionally appealing, as well as the usual good looks. I think any man is a women expert if they just shut up and listen to them and sense what they want. I sense a lot of girls don’t want me, so that makes me a women expert. I live to be inspired by new things, and I think this is a learning experience for me, even if I hurt a girl’s feelings. But dammit, it was like she expected me to go: “Umm, brunette chick, I’m developing adoration for this blonde chick, so before it happens, would you like me to fall for you?” I just can’t sympathize with this girl. She should’ve known better, been aggressive, strong-willed (a trait I love in women). But she didn’t make a move, and I’m not about to say: “Hey, I’ve heard you like me, though I’m not positive, but if you do, speak up!” That’s a bit [color=brown]jerk-like[/color], ain’t it? Amerikajin said: ‘You're upset about having hurt this girl's feelings. Why?’. Well, I dunno. People are suggesting I’m scum, but I think I proved that I’m in the right [see above two paragraphs]. But you’re very close when you say I’m the only guy in her close proximity with mating potential. I didn’t brainwash her to hang around me; I’m just a hot guy who’ll listen to her. Amerikajin said: ‘Stop tormenting yourself, stop wasting time and get down to business’. Alright, but I’m not gonna ask out the brunette coz we’ve already had a friendship date to the movies and nothing happened. And I don’t care if some other guy swoops in and takes her. I doubt it will happen, but if it does, she’s not my security blanket. She’s ugly, remember… As for the blonde girl that I’ve been sending letters and emails to, she knows I have a crush on her. I’m currently just trying to steal her away from some other guy. I don’t know his name, but I could bash him good. Spencer said: ‘try not to talk at all, narcissism and ignorance are a turn off to most women’. Narcissism actually turns the brunette girl ‘on’. She’s fascinated by that schizo aspect of me. It creates a lot of humour between us, coz I’m not serious. Spencer said: ‘[insecure people] rely on a false security and generally sound over the top.’ Yeah, I’m exuberate, I like to entertain. I be aggressive so people don’t walk all over me. I’m not wearing a façade here. I’m very opinionated in person, and yes, I’m sometimes repellent in person. But I’d say I have more determination than insecurity. That makes me seem like I’m overcompensating. Take it as you will. Spencer said: ‘[have you had] women manipulate you in the past? what are women in your family like?’ Yes, my Mum tries to control my finances, take my money when she sees it, crucifies me when I act ungrateful for anything; she’ll immediately brings up my dependence on her and ATTACKS. I’m still in school, remember?… As for girls my age, s***, I’ve missed out on so many because I was the one sitting back, waiting for them to pursue me openly. I’ve changed so much; I’m not going to miss out anymore! Don’t worry about ‘picking on me’. I can defend myself and accept justified attacks. I did ask for them.
moimeme Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 It creates a lot of humour between us, coz I’m not serious Yeah. Kind of loses any hope of being true when you say stuff like: I’m just a hot guy who does she think she is? A supermodel? Bah Mabye she, obviously mistakenly, can't believe that her pal is so shallow that he'd reject her nice personality on such pitiful grounds. Yes, you are indeed a jerk. You can go ahead and think it's cool and fun to be, but then don't bemoan the fact that women aren't interested. You may think 'jerks' win and keep women, but that's likely because you'd consider any man who won a woman you wanted a 'jerk'. I can hardly see you thinking 'gee, that guy is nicer/more considerate/more interesting than I am'
befuddled11 Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 You obviously put a lot of time and thought into your posts and responses...such that you can't help but know you're going to rile people. Your arrogant statements, your blatant conceit, your rude descriptions of the "brunette" (not breeding material, face not pretty enough for a portrait, etc), you're bragging about how "hot" you are, bla bla. Get over yourself. If you were really all that, you wouldn't be here in the first place, duh. You seem amazingly insecure, if you really aren't a troll. If you think that just because you're not shy that you're automatically not "insecure", pull up a chair and let me tell you something. Some of the most insecure people in this world are the most outgoing, social, center-of-attention, seemingly popular people. They put on a good "act" to try and cover up their insecurity. You sound amazingly insecure.....by the fact that you're leading the brunette on (all because you've heard how much she digs ya) when you have nothing nice to say about her. You're using her....to boost your own ego. You're the kind of guy who measures his self worth by how many "chicks" you have after you. How sad. This comment of yours: "I live to be inspired by new things, and I think this is a learning experience for me, even if I hurt a girl’s feelings. But dammit, it was like she expected me to go: “Umm, brunette chick, I’m developing adoration for this blonde chick, so before it happens, would you like me to fall for you?”" Even if you hurt a girl's feelings? What a cold-hearted, pompous, insensitive pr*ck you are...to not give a damn if you're hurting another human being's feelings. And the fact that you had to post here in the first place, oblivious the to OBVIOUS reasons why the brunette was upset and walked away from you...little boy, you have a lot of growing up to do. Trust me, you're not "all that." My guess is she walked away from you because she realized what a player and insincere jerk you are. Again, get over yourself. And so ya know (I know how you like to get the last word), I won't be responding again to your arrogant drivel. I'd rather watch paint dry.
Vivid_29 Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Renny - You got befuddled started dude. Big mistake! Watch it! She'll have your ass for lunch! ~V
moimeme Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Watch it! She'll have your ass for lunch I believe she already did
silk_sword Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 this battle becomes hotter with every post. i find this thread absolutely amusing. renny, your beliefs and views remind me of the ideals someone very dear to me once held. i watched them dwindle, and i knew the reason as to why. the amusing thing is that the same will happen to u. i wonder how u will be then. it's a sweet thought. no, not because of the thought that u may one day suffer or become weak. it's sweet because u will one day see a brighter, kinder, more satisfying world. you will find the richest reward in the simplest concept, love. be kinder renny. all eventually falls back on u. in addition, hearts become extremely complicated to mend. oh and u labeled yourself a bastard? do u enjoy this label (from experience, the bad men seldom enjoy their bad labels, but i could be wrong about this concerning u)? wishing u everything u need.
befuddled11 Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by amerikajin Renny, First of all, what the f*ck is the big problem here? You're upset about having hurt this girl's feelings. Why? Are you her boyfriend? Are you dating her? Have you been suggesting to her all along that she's the one and only one in the picture? First of all, did you miss the subject line of his post? "Playing Ugly Girls." Are you actually saying that it doesn't matter if a guy hurts or upsets a female, that as long as they're not dating or in a relationship, that it's "okay" to play them, and thereby hurt and upset them? Hello! I found it intriguing (hurl) to read in Renny's profile.....under his Biography he writes, "very manipulative with women." He's more than admitted to consistently and continually corresponding with the "ugly brunette"....knowing full well that she has an interest in him. But he's eatin' it right up and has already admitted that he doesn't give a rat's arse if he hurts a girl's feelings. He's purposely leading her on, enjoying the attention and the stroke to his ego....basically leading her to believe he's interested..when all the while, to him she's just the "ugly girl." This kind of mistreatment of fellow human beings is acceptable for you, Amerikajin?
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