maggied Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 So, my husband (of 11 years) and I have always had a very "open" marriage. We are allowed to make out with other people and often do so in each others company. This has never been a problem until I met "him". When we first met, he was with his wife, that was last October. In November, we made out at a party while my husband was there. We clicked instantly and I learned a few weeks later that his wife had left him for someone else. In December, I had a threesome with my husband and "him", twice. Since then, I have been having a full blown emotional and sexual relationship behind my husbands back. My husband is fine with me making out and having sex with other men, but he would never approve of the emotional relationship I am having with "him". So, after three months, we are still sneaking around behind everyones back. His wife suspects we are sleeping together from a text she read and I told my husband that I cheated with him (but only once). I know I'm a horrible person, but I know I love "him". This is far past infatuation and ironically the most honest love I have ever felt. I have told "him" that I love him, and he always says the same thing "I can't tell you I love you when you're still with your husband". I am not sure if that's a line or the truth. To be honest I wish I never met "him". I am completely miserable as I know there will never be a resolution to this. I would leave my husband to be with "him" if he asked me to, but right now he is figuring out his own stuff with his wife. I am not sure what to do....
pyroguy Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 So, my husband (of 11 years) and I have always had a very "open" marriage. We are allowed to make out with other people and often do so in each others company. This has never been a problem until I met "him". When we first met, he was with his wife, that was last October. In November, we made out at a party while my husband was there. We clicked instantly and I learned a few weeks later that his wife had left him for someone else. In December, I had a threesome with my husband and "him", twice. Since then, I have been having a full blown emotional and sexual relationship behind my husbands back. My husband is fine with me making out and having sex with other men, but he would never approve of the emotional relationship I am having with "him". So, after three months, we are still sneaking around behind everyones back. His wife suspects we are sleeping together from a text she read and I told my husband that I cheated with him (but only once). I know I'm a horrible person, but I know I love "him". This is far past infatuation and ironically the most honest love I have ever felt. I have told "him" that I love him, and he always says the same thing "I can't tell you I love you when you're still with your husband". I am not sure if that's a line or the truth. To be honest I wish I never met "him". I am completely miserable as I know there will never be a resolution to this. I would leave my husband to be with "him" if he asked me to, but right now he is figuring out his own stuff with his wife. I am not sure what to do.... Wow. this sounds like a great advertisemant for opposing open marriages. It also lowers the validity of the claims of those who indulge to really be in ROMANTIC LOVE. Good going, you put a dent in the swingers and open marriage folk's argument in one full swoop:lmao: .You diefinitely seem not to be in love with your husband. I'm not sure you'll get much positive feedback here. The guy lets you have sex with others, gives you a threesome, and yet you still need to cheat...not good at all. Why is this guy different? is it something sexual? if you end up with him, will you desire that relationship to be open too.?
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 To be honest I wish I never met "him". I am completely miserable as I know there will never be a resolution to this. I would leave my husband to be with "him" if he asked me to, but right now he is figuring out his own stuff with his wife. I am not sure what to do.... Simple. Stop seeing him until he gets his crap sorted out. In the meantime begin divorce proceedings.
Emme Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 What do you want to do? You must have some idea as to the action you want to take. I think you have one of the best relationships ever and you are ruining it by not being honest with your husband. Put it all on the table. You owe him that much. You are married to him and that's where your loyalty lie. This man is new and that's all, new. You know not his true intentions. If you want to play the game of holding onto one arm before you let go of the other, fine. You have a open reltaionship which makes that not necessary. Has a few months with this man destroyed 11 years of love with your husband??? If it has give him that respect and let him know before the other man does. Sorry for the situation you are in but you seem to have a very understanding husband. Try and have a little faith he won't loose his cool as you think he will. :bunny:HUG:bunny:
Author maggied Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Thanks for all your replies. I know that I have a great husband and that is why I don't want to hurt him. Bottom line is I got into swinging for the wrong reason, not to have casual sex with others, but to find an emotional connection with others. I didn't figure that out for a long time. I have tried to discuss my feelings with my husband, but I can't stand to hurt him. I told him that I had feelings for this other man and that I thought I should move out for awhile and figure stuff out. But, that hurt him and I backed off. My husband is a wonderful person. He is extremely attractive, funny, caring and treats me like gold. The separated man is older and out of shape. Absolutely NOT the type of guy I would normally be attracted to...so WHY is he all I think about? In response to one question, its not even about the sex...(it's fun but not mind blowing!) I just want him to hold me, run his fingers through my hair, look at me the way he does, etc. I hate to say it, but if he got divorced and asked me to marry him tomorrow, I would. I truly love him. I would not swing with him, I would no longer have any reason to. Since I wrote my first message, I have cut off communication with the separated man...we had a little argument and I said I needed time to think. He texted me this: "If we don't talk and work it out, then what? I want to talk. If you don't, I'll respect that and leave you alone. Your call. I value you as a friend and whatever else may come. I would hate to end that over a text argument". We haven't had any contact since. Does anyone out there think there is any hope for me? What should I do?
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