befreckled Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I'm in the bf's city right now and will be for the next 2 weeks. I decided to visit because I wanted to see how much I'd like this city in the event I wanted to consider doing my MBA. I love what I see so far and I realised how much he thrives in this city/environment. At this point, relocation is not even an issue, I would do in a heartbeat which says alot given that I'm in a job that I love. One of the ways I could make it to the US is via education, except I'm quite certain I don't want to do my MBA, not even for him. I would much prefer to work in the industry that I'm in except this is the US and it's insanely difficult [a] find a job, any job and almost impossible to get an employer to sponsor a visa Which leaves me with these thoughts. I adore the bf. I am happy, for the first time in the longest time, I am happy. I suffer from insomnia and with him, I sleep for 8hours with ease. Our long distance relationship has worked surprisingly well and I have no doubt that it will still work when I return in a couple weeks. When I decided to give it a try, I thought maybe we'll just be the couple that travels for the first year or so. Except now, I don't know anymore. If I see him again, it'd be in July/August or if our schedules don't line up - December. I've been in my fair share of relationships to know that it's not love yet but it's heading in that direction without question. I don't want to throw away 2-3 years of my life and then break up one day because, the distance is impossible and it wasn't something we should have never done. Question of the day: Does it make sense to break up when nothing is wrong? I've been single the last couple years out of choice, I wanted to be on my own and have the life/career that I know I am capable of having.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 hi brefeckled, i hope you won't get offended with what i am gonna say but i noticed in your threads that you are kinda holding back from this relationship. that you are guarding yourself (too much) to make sure you won't get hurt or at least be the first one to get hurt. you said it is not love yet but heading in that direction, so i am assuming that you haven't invested so much yet in this relationship. as for your question, sorry i cannot answer it directly. you need to answer it on your own. are you really ready for a relationship? are you in this relationship for the sake of being in a relationship or because you like this guy and see him as a potential long-term partner? let's say hypothetically, this guy is gonna be able to move closer to you, would you have the same doubts if this relationship is ever gonna work? please reflect on those questions to make sure you are not self-sabotaging. if you are just forcing this relationship onto yourself, then it's better to fold the cards now. however, do remember that every relationship, LDR or not is a gamble. at some point, you need to show your cards. i understand your dilemma completely as i have encountered a similar position in the beginning of my relationship with my fiance. i agree that the visa is the difficult part, that was also my problem. one of the biggest reasons i pursued this relationship though is because when i met my fiance, we're at the same points of our lives. i was looking for something serious and i got tired of playing games. we both laid our cards down. we both agree that we will not pursue this anymore if we end up not being on the same page. it would be useless to keep pushing something that has no clear endpoint. having said that, he took that leap of faith with me. is your partner ready to gamble for you too? i think that's your issue. it would be better to reflect first then discuss this with your boyfriend. LDR requires a lot of teamwork, which puts us all in the advantage cuz we've been dealing with the tough stuff from the get-go. it makes everything worth while after that battle.
folieadeux Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 What you're facing now is something we've all had to go through at one point in time I'm sure. Weighing our options. Deciding to stick it out or just call it quits. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm so glad I decided to take the chance as I couldn't imagine my life without my SO and wondering about the what ifs -- to me, that's a worse fate. While it's true it's very difficult to gain entry into the US if you're not looking at marriage as a viable option down the line, it can and does happen. My boyfriend did it. You never know what the future will bring. I think it's very possible to have the career you want and be with your boyfriend at the same time. It'll be hard, but anything worth having usually is.
Author befreckled Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 TokyoG33kyGal:I'm definitely not offended. That's the purpose of this site, to write what we feel and get feedback, hopefully find some comfort while we are at it. I say that it isn't love yet because, it's a new relationship. We've been together since January and I take the word "love" fairly seriously. It takes a long time for me to love someone and I think the word itself is overused/misused and I'd like to say that I'm in love when I truly mean that I do love him. I care for him a lot, things are absolutely moving in the right direction. I am ready for a relationship and definitely not because I want to be in a relationship, otherwise I wouldn't have been single for so long. Our relationship is perfect when we are physically together. We have similar personalities so if we lived together I think that it would work. I definitely see what you mean by self sabotaging. I do fear being hurt,perhaps more than the average person. I've been engaged before, I've been in a 3 year relationship that was based on lies (he cheated on me at the 6mth mark but I didn't find out till days before we broke up and I couldn't confirm it till a year after we broke up) That said, everyone has a past. And I don't mean to bring in my past relationship fails into this relationship. You are right though, that I need to show my cards and he does too. A leap of faith for me - I am old enough to know that I don't want to be without a plan. I cannot move a world away and expect things to fall into place. Love isn't enough. Well, I'm sure Homeland Security will agree with me, at least! A leap of faith for him - I have no idea what is on his mind. I will consider speaking to him about this and sussing him out. That said, he is on a three year contract and isn't American so right now, the time frame in my head is 2 years. He is heading towards the end of his first year. Folieadeux: You are right in that I don't know what the future brings and I have to stop trying to over protect myself otherwise, this relationship is moot.
creighton0123 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 How long have the two of you been seeing one another? Don't get your MBA because of him. Get it only if you want it... and frankly, there are too many people getting an MBA and very few jobs to support them in America. My advice? Live life more freely. If possible, instead of planning a visit for August plan one for December and save more money, using more passport time. Where is he? Where are you? Is it feasible to get a job in an industry you like in his area for a workers visa?
Author befreckled Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 How long have the two of you been seeing one another? Don't get your MBA because of him. Get it only if you want it... and frankly, there are too many people getting an MBA and very few jobs to support them in America. My advice? Live life more freely. If possible, instead of planning a visit for August plan one for December and save more money, using more passport time. Where is he? Where are you? Is it feasible to get a job in an industry you like in his area for a workers visa? I am considering going back to school to be with him though, I'm certain I don't want to do an MBA. He is in Boston (that's where you are too, right?,) he works at a university and I'm in Singapore. He isn't American though, he is working here. Given the difficulty in getting an employer to sponsor my visa and the 2 visa seasons - April/August, I think it's quite unlikely for me to work in Boston but that would be my ideal. An impossible one!
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