SweetDaphne Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I've been dating this guy for a little over three weeks and would like some advice. He's really sweet and we get along well when we're together. We have great conversations and in my opinion, enjoy each others company. My deal is when we're not together. I'm used to guys who text all the time to the point of being over needy at times (aka a reason I've dumped some), but this guy is the complete opposite. He's not big on using the phone and by his own admission is 'not attached to his phone.' He's super busy being a full-time student and having a full-time job, so we only get to see each other on the weekends. I know he's not seeing other people (he really doesn't have the time), but I'm having an issue with the lack of communication in between times we see each other. We do text a bit each day (usually my initiating), but it's little things like 'Hey how's it going?' 'Good.' and then that's it (we did more texting during the first initial week we were together but its definitely curtailed.) Question out to you all is: Am I being the too needy one now? Is he just super-busy and I should accept it at that? Or is his interest wanning a bit? Again, I'm not used to a guy who's not 'always attached to his phone,' so being with this guy is different for me.
Hules Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Sounds a bit like me to be honest hehe . I work and study full time so I'm pretty busy and I'm not attached to my phone either. That been said I see it as a necessary evil to keep in contact with a girl Im interested in. I usually try to text/call at least once every 2 days as long as I'm not swamped with work. I will admit though I actually don't like communicating via phone/text/IM, number one preference is seeing them in person, maybe the guy your dating is the same? That been said is the responses he gives literally one word responses? That to me is a little worrying. Maybe not contact him a for a few days and see if he initiates contact with you? I know if I didn't hear from the girl I was interested in I would contact her if I hadn't heard from her in a few days. Failing that you could talk to him about it, he might not realise it is an issue (us guys can be kinda dense you know)
Author SweetDaphne Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Hules - thank you for your response, and you're right, you do sound like this guy exactly. He's good about responding, and no there are no 'one word responses', its just the lack of frequency is not something I'm used to. As to waiting for contact, that has occurred already, and he sent a message mentioning we hadn't talked much and he just wanted to say hi and see how things are going. He's a great guy and I look forward to getting to know him better - its just hard going from guys who typically like communicating via text, to a guy who is very busy and not needing/interested in that type of communication.
Hules Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 As long as he responds to your messages I think your fine. I'm sure he really enjoys the time he spends with you and wishes he could spend more time with you. Just don't start spamming him with messages or you will become the needy one hehe. Best way to counter this is to keep yourself busy and not make him the center of your world. If hes like me I don't want to be a center of a girls world I want to be part of her life. Hope that helps!
EasyHeart Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Sounds like me, too. I refuse to be a slave to the telephone. I'm either in my office, at home, or not near a phone. And if I'm tired or busy, I'm not answering unless it's a life and death emergency. The phone is for making dates; unless there's a big time gap between dates, there's no reason to talk on the phone.
Author SweetDaphne Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Hules - thanks for the advice. I'm definitely not at the 'spamming him with messages' point and nor do I want to be. It's more that I want a response to know that he's thinking of me too, even though I know he's super busy. I'm just going to try to keep my cool and like you said keep myself busy with my friends. I do like him, a lot, but should nothing happen it would be his loss.
O'Malley Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 My longtime boyfriend is the same way -- both of us loathe texting and he isn't much of a phone person either. I'm content not having to be in daily contact, as it gives me the opportunity to miss him and to focus on my own life. What's more important is that your boyfriend's behavior is consistent and there is a healthy balance -- he is interested in your life when you are in contact and he's not suddenly withdrawing interest. No real advice here except to have a bit of your own life and not call/text ten times a day (not that you're doing so!). You may simply have to become more of the initiator, contact wise, and mention that you do enjoy hearing from him.
Author SweetDaphne Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Lol while reading your responses I also just realized, not once during any of the dates we've been on has he touched his phone - something I've repeatedly noticed other guys do. Realizing that just now - makes another reason I like him. I'll just have to get used to the difference in communicating.
Hules Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Touching my phone during a date lol, I turn my phone off if I'm on a date with a girl thats quality time other people can wait . Seriously wonder how some people lived before mobile phones.
tigressA Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 My longtime boyfriend is the same way -- both of us loathe texting and he isn't much of a phone person either. I'm content not having to be in daily contact, as it gives me the opportunity to miss him and to focus on my own life. What's more important is that your boyfriend's behavior is consistent and there is a healthy balance -- he is interested in your life when you are in contact and he's not suddenly withdrawing interest. No real advice here except to have a bit of your own life and not call/text ten times a day (not that you're doing so!). You may simply have to become more of the initiator, contact wise, and mention that you do enjoy hearing from him. Agreed, particularly with the bold. You should only be concerned if he seems more disinterested while you're spending time together. I myself am not a slave to my phone; I hardly get phone calls and I have a text block, so much of the time I miss calls because I don't see the need to have my phone on me. It's also a good sign that he doesn't bother with his phone while you're out together. I once had such low self-esteem to date a guy who would carry on long phone convos while we were out at dinner! My advice: Never put up with that (unless it's clear it's an emergency).
Author SweetDaphne Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 It's also a good sign that he doesn't bother with his phone while you're out together. I once had such low self-esteem to date a guy who would carry on long phone convos while we were out at dinner! My advice: Never put up with that (unless it's clear it's an emergency). Definitely! I've had that happen - not the long conversation, but with guys leaving their phones on the table and answering them as they got messages or calls. If you're not a doctor - there's no excuse to have it there during a date. I mean you're there to get to know each other, how can you do that while constantly looking/answering your phone?!
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