Sugarkane Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I have an ex from last year that keeps contacting me. Unfortunately not the cruel one that brought me here in the first place. We dated for a couple of months. We had great chemistry and I really fancied him. But he was immature and started acting up. He started standing me up, only interested in seeing me late at night. We ended up having a huge fight. He turned up drunk and with a friend. We were supposed to be on a date that night. Its been 7 months and I went full NC on him. Since then he has contacted me 3 times. He apologised and wants to have coffee with me. What should I do? How do I know if he's actually for real this time? He's said the same thing before aswell.
PegNosePete Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 How do I know if he's actually for real this time? Well I'm going to assume you're not telepathic or clairvoyant... so you can't know except by trying. He's said the same thing before aswell. People can change, but past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour. I would go into it assuming he has not changed, unless he proves to you otherwise. What should I do? Well if you want to give it another go and see if he has changed then go for it. If you don't think he has or don't think he's wroth it even if he has, then don't.
Author Sugarkane Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Honestly the way he treated me the first time, he'll be lucky that I don't pour the coffee over his head.
Author Sugarkane Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I thought an ex contacting me would feel great. To be honest it is an ego boost. At the same time I aslo feel majorly confused and pissed off.
betterdeal Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I'd go for a coffee in the day time, ask him what he thinks went wrong, what he wants, and what he's doing this week. From that you'd will have a better idea of how much he has changed, and whether you want to pursue this any further. I'd also explain what you're looking for, where you're at in life, and that you are going to take it slow, because it will take time to rebuild trust. Treat him like a new date, basically. I've tried that with my ex and the things I didn't like are still there, and it never progressed from that first meeting each time. But I didn't get wrapped up in a drama of trying to make it work, or get dragged along in someone else's neurosis. It was interesting to see her, and upsetting, but good to feel I had progressed so much in disengaging from the toxicity of a co-dependent relationship.
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 If you want to meet him, meet him with no objective in your mind. You shouldn't be thinking he's coming back for you. Your priority is to complete your own healing first. If he is giving you breadcrumbs, don't feed on it.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 He said that he wanted to meet me, but a week later he still hasn't. He said that he has been busy with work and getting his new car. Is it just an excuse? Is he just feeding me crumbs? Then he started complaining about mistakes that I made when we were together! Lol As if he is one to talk. He's the one that kept standing me up and using me as a fwb.
PegNosePete Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Sounds like a job for NC. He obviously has not changed. When words and actions do not coincide, go with actions.
Fufu Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 "He said that he wanted to meet me, but a week later he still hasn't. He said that he has been busy with work and getting his new car. Is it just an excuse? Is he just feeding me crumbs? Then he started complaining about mistakes that I made when we were together! Lol As if he is one to talk. He's the one that kept standing me up and using me as a fwb." I have a question for you and perhaps you may wish to ask yourself this question. Why do you want to meet this fellow who stood up on you again and again, using you as a fwb, complaining about you when he is the one who chose to walk out of this relationship? Initially when I read the thread title, I thought he was sincere in meeting you and apologizing you and wants to discuss how to rebuild the relationship. He contacted you wanted to meet you but afterwards he is doing completely different from what he told you. Please stick on to NC and continue your journey to self happiness. Don't wait around for him anymore.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I thought he was just making up excusesnot to see me. But I found out that his explaination that he couldn't see me, where legit.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 I've never been in this situation where an ex has contacted me, after a breakup. I regret even answering. He out of the blue told me that I was strange and needed help. What the? I regret thinking it was even possible to meet up. I'm going full NC again. I don't need an ex insulting me for no reason.
Fufu Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 I'm happy to hear that you are going NC You can do it.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Feel like the biggest idiot. He first contacted me about a month ago and we still never met up once. He wanted to breakup so he could be single, so why does he keep contacting me? Then does a 180 and somehow blames me for everything? He said "I really mean it when I say I miss you", "you should come over sometime" and "I'll come over and pick you up". He said this many times, but never actually came over to pick me up. So why say these things in the first place? You ask me why would I want to meet up with this guy? 1. Made out that he'd actually changed. Said that things between us "would be different". 2. I've never had chemistry with someone like that before. I don't know what is about him. Its hard to explain. 3. Boredom, maybe I've become a bit addicted to the drama?
Author Sugarkane Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 Why does my ex keep sabotaging any hope of what we had together? Everytime he finds an excuse to ruin everything
Fufu Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 He can do whatever he wants. You too, can choose to ignore and don't take it to heart what he did. He contacts you, just brush it off. If he keeps on contacting you, you can tell him to stop contacting you and to leave you alone.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 I feel depressed, I've never had chemistry like that before. We also had many things in common. And he was born and bred in Manchester, while my family originates from England. We have the same cultural customs
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