ihatedrama Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 It has been almost a month since he dumped me and 13 days we haven't contacted each other. We were together for 8 months (lived together for half a year) and he was such a loving,caring and sweet person. Honestly he treated me well and I was the one who made lots of mistakes (no cheating or anything, just I was scared to get hurt so I kinda held my feelings back towards him). At the end, he broke up with me after a fight and said I hurt him so much and he needs a break. I do love him so I apologized,plead and everything..eventually I agreed to give him the break. I felt so guilty about myself for completely two weeks after that by thinking how much I hurt him.. On the day we said we would meet he made me wait him the whole day then cancelled it. That night I went to his and caught him with another girl that he knew around two weeks ago before he broke up with me. He told her he broke up with his ex three months ago. That night I was so heart-broken.Things were not pretty at all. It was so dramatic. He became a completely different person. He was so nasty to me and said lots of hurtful things. He was so protective over her. I mean it is so hard for me to understand how come he cares about a girl he only knew for two weeks.. What was worse was that I realized I got pregant later on and had completely no idea how to handle it. I called him and realized he already went on a weekend trip with her together. He told me he's so happy with her and he think abortion is the best for us to do. He didn't even bother to ask a day off to go through that with me together. I did the abortion and felt miserable about it. We did end up meeting one day after that and we both cried so badly that night. He started to tell me how much he regret by saying that and he wants another chance with me and he will end things with her...then the next day he flipped it over and said he cant do it. He went to meet her that night and told me the next day that he still enjoys being with her and want to be her boyfriend and still try things out with me... I was ****ed for by so many things happened so quickly...I told him I can't do it..and I told him I want one month no contact between us and we will meet again after a month and see hows things going. Honestly now i am at a point that i hate myself so much. I mean after so many horrible things he said and did, how come I still feel I love him and want to be with him. I have been doing ok most of the time..But I broke down couple times like completely..I was at one of my best friend's wedding on the 25th and started to crying like non-stop during the half of the dinner. It scares me badly that I will stay like this. I managed to fall sleep at night now but wake up with the same sort of nightmare every freaking morning. I constantly think about him with his new gf. I am trying to do millions of things everyday to keep busy. But deep inside I know i am still not letting go. April 9th will be my bday. I am thinking whether i will hear from him or not. I am also thinking when one month is up..whether he will contact me or not and how i will react if he does/doesnt... I don't know whether i make sense or not..i am just having a very bad day again today and want to let the pains out of my chest a bit. Please bear with my broken Egnlish as it is not my mother tounge...I just really hope i can just let go of my feelings towards him and stop wanting him back..as it makes me hate myself so much and i dont know how to deal with it anymore...
DollyGirl12 Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Hi, I'm so sorry for your pain. It's not easy to go through this. Do you really want this man in your life for the long haul? I ask this because of the events that you have found have unfolded since the break. You know he is not an honest man and you know he does not follow through on his actions. My fear is, that if you allow him to come back in to your life, he will leave every time the going gets tough and you will constantly be stuck in this viscous circle of back and forth. You will spend a good portion of your time emotionally drained. And also take a look at the action with his new girl. He's lying to her also. Take a good look at things, what does the big picture tell you?
Author ihatedrama Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Hey Dollgirl, Thanks for replying me. I am feeling a bit better now. It was just a really bad day. I am aware of what you are trying to say. And no matter how much I don't want to admit it, but he is not the decent guy I once thought he was. I guess it is just really tough to make myself believe that he changed so quickly and I never doubted even for a single minute that he is an honest and good guy overall... Part of me somehow still blames myself for the whole thing to happen. At the end of us he did throw everything on me by saying he would never cheat on me or anything like that if I treated him the right way at the first place. I bought it and it hit me badly till now. I keep going back and forth in my mind that whether I was the one truely screwed up.. I am so confused about how I truely feel and what I really want now. I started to hate myself so much for being so weak here.
DarkAngel7 Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 That is so terrible. I feel for you. I mean that was heartless about the abortion thing...what kind of guy is this? He didn't even think twice about telling you to get an abortion? Does he know how hard it can be for a woman? As far as him with the other girl, it's like hes running away from his problems. Like someone else said before me he is lying to her too! Do you really think it will end up good? I was the other girl before. Basically a guy was on a break from his gf, met me and ended up breaking it off with her. I wasn't aware of what was really going on. We were together for a long time but I saw what kind of person he was, and it was not hard for me to break up with him. You just have to remind yourself that even if he did come back to you, he is at a point in his life where hes not ready for a good happy relationship. He isn't willing to work on his problems, so what can you do? You will slowly get past it you will! I am right now trying to feel better about my situation, it is work but it must be done. I refused to feel like crap 24/7. I refuse to keep worrying. It wont change anything!!!!
Author ihatedrama Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 Hey DarkAngel, Thanks for the reply. Yeah..the abortion thing was for sure horrible. I actually regret a lot for making that mistake. It hurt badly the way he handled it. He didn't even suggest to meet up to talk about it..sigh.. Hard to swallow how happy he seems to be with her. I am trying to work hard not to think about it anymore. When I woke up I just try to tell myself stop wondering what he is doing and focus on my own life. I think I will do better eventually after some amount of time. I can't really think straight right now since it was such a mess. But I know i need get better. And this website and people here help so much, which i really appreciate.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Happy with her, but how happy is he with himself? Maybe a good question to think about. However, don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the answer. I have always felt that when someone can jump from one relationship right to the next they don't like being alone, aka they aren't happy just being with themselves.
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