Constant inability to sleep when needed - at my wits' end

[Els]

I have, for several years now, been unable to sleep whenever I absolutely have to. This feeds into itself, and sort of becomes a phobia of sorts: I just KNOW I will be unable to sleep, and so when know I really need to sleep for a long/big day up ahead, these two bits of knowledge clash and leave me unable to sleep all night because I'm too worried about being unable to sleep. Complicated, I know.

 

I don't think there's any other cause than that. I typically sleep like a baby when I don't have to wake up at a particular time the next day. I've tried ALL sorts of sleep habits, browsed sites religiously and followed all the advice like using the bed only for sleep and sex, doing relaxing activities before bed, keeping the room dark and comfortable, minimizing noises in sleep, etc etc... to zero avail. Even when I try to think of other things, my head is going 'mustsleepmustsleep can'tsleep omg I'm gonna be soooo dead tomorrow' in the background the entire time. I have never, ever managed to get decent sleep for even a semi-important event the past few years.

 

It has come to the point where I am choosing my entire life path and career based on this - the need for flexible hours and to be able to work by myself or at home. Hoping to be a contracted professor and only teach afternoon or online classes, or a freelance writer/coder. Because I feel I have no choice. The adage 'you will sleep if you're too tired' is bullcrap to me. I've gone three weeks without sleep before. Yeah, I crashed for like 16 hours after that, but that didn't prevent me from not sleeping the entire week after that as well. And it feels like hell in the interim. You can barely function.

 

It's sad to restrict myself based on this but I feel like there's no options left. Nothing works except prescription pills that can't be used longterm. Even OTC antihistamines that typically knock people out (eg Benadryl), my overactive mind can counteract. I've thought of seeing a sleep specialist but there's none in my area. I've tried supplements like valerian that are supposed to relax you, but they don't seem to work.

 

I'm at my wits' end. My biggest fear now is that I won't get the flexible sort of job that I need to support myself and I'll be forced to be a restless zombie all my years.

[Els]

At the moment, since they're putting up full videos + audio of all lectures, I'm not even bothering to even try getting up for the morning ones, since it's far more time efficient to sleep and get up whenever I want and be perfectly alert and awake to listen to the lecture recordings, than to try to sleep at 12midnight and toss and turn til 6am, then go to lectures half-awake and come back 5 hours later and sleep til 7pm... and not remember a single thing I heard. =/ This is working for me great now, but I shudder to think about the future.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I know exactly what you mean. Whenever I have any kind of pressure to get a good night's rest, I simply cannot.

 

Have you asked a doctor about Xanax? As far as I know there's no limit on how long you can take it, it's not habit forming (at least for me), and it definitely helps calm things down upstairs. I take one...I'd say about once a week...when I know I'm going to have trouble sleeping or have a lot on my mind.

[SxB]

I have, for several years now, been unable to sleep whenever I absolutely have to. This feeds into itself, and sort of becomes a phobia of sorts: I just KNOW I will be unable to sleep, and so when know I really need to sleep for a long/big day up ahead, these two bits of knowledge clash and leave me unable to sleep all night because I'm too worried about being unable to sleep. Complicated, I know.

 

I don't think there's any other cause than that. I typically sleep like a baby when I don't have to wake up at a particular time the next day. I've tried ALL sorts of sleep habits, browsed sites religiously and followed all the advice like using the bed only for sleep and sex, doing relaxing activities before bed, keeping the room dark and comfortable, minimizing noises in sleep, etc etc... to zero avail. Even when I try to think of other things, my head is going 'mustsleepmustsleep can'tsleep omg I'm gonna be soooo dead tomorrow' in the background the entire time. I have never, ever managed to get decent sleep for even a semi-important event the past few years.

 

It has come to the point where I am choosing my entire life path and career based on this - the need for flexible hours and to be able to work by myself or at home. Hoping to be a contracted professor and only teach afternoon or online classes, or a freelance writer/coder. Because I feel I have no choice. The adage 'you will sleep if you're too tired' is bullcrap to me. I've gone three weeks without sleep before. Yeah, I crashed for like 16 hours after that, but that didn't prevent me from not sleeping the entire week after that as well. And it feels like hell in the interim. You can barely function.

 

It's sad to restrict myself based on this but I feel like there's no options left. Nothing works except prescription pills that can't be used longterm. Even OTC antihistamines that typically knock people out (eg Benadryl), my overactive mind can counteract. I've thought of seeing a sleep specialist but there's none in my area. I've tried supplements like valerian that are supposed to relax you, but they don't seem to work.

 

I'm at my wits' end. My biggest fear now is that I won't get the flexible sort of job that I need to support myself and I'll be forced to be a restless zombie all my years.

 

The way to fix your sleep is to find out how many hours a day you usually stay awake for, now set your sleep schedule based off that knowledge, do not expect to fall asleep after being awake for 6 hours if your body clock doesn't get tired until 18 hours of being awake each day.

 

Edit, to add, vigorous heavy activity for longer than 90 minutes will help you be even tired sooner and sleep deeper (do the activities in the morning), as will eating enough food daily and never skipping meals or eating like a mouse. Another thing that will help is doing anything to lower anxiety levels, the more anxious a person is the longer they can stay awake. Allergies can also act as a impersonator of other things that makes it difficult to sleep, as do other psychical discomforts if you suffer of any. If you have trouble breathing once laying down or even standing up, that can throw back your sleep for a good a while making it extra difficult to fall asleep. But over all, naturally your body has a clock that if you take close notice to each day, doesn't change much.

Edited March 28, 2011 by SxB

[TouchedByViolet]

I love sleeping to the sound of rainfall.

[Whipple]

What about Ambien or Lunesta?

 

I'm not one to talk since I'm also an insomniac, but there is one thing that I noticed in your post that I want to point out. You mentioned that you sleep like a baby when you don't have to wake up at a certain time the next day. I take it to mean that you sleep in or wake up at a later hour that usual? Please correct me if I'm wrong. Optimally, you should be going to bed and waking up around the same time daily, regardless if it's a day off or not. Your circadian rhythm (internal sleep schedule) can be thrown off if you wake up at 10 am versus 6 am on a working day.

[Els]

Guys, none of the sleep-aid medicines can be taken long-term and still work, without side effects. Xanax is a benzodiazepine, it does have withdrawal effects, which is why you need to be slowly tapered off them if you need to quit. That is just not something I want to put myself under constantly at this age. It does not fix the root of the problem. I suppose I really would go for meds in a situation where I have no choice, but at the moment I have a little grace period to fix this since attending classes is not mandatory now, and I would like to try.

 

Whipple, the time matters to some degree, but not enough. Yes, my optimal 'functioning hours' are during the night; I just get work done faster and better after 1am or so. But that doesn't really matter, since there was one time when I successfully got myself to sleep at 11pm for an entire MONTH and when I had an exam the next day, bam, 0 sleep, despite me going to bed at around the same time. But yes, it does play a part.. I always feel like I am wasting the most productive hours of my day by sleeping early, so I tend to push later when I need to get more studying done.

 

SxB: What happens if I need 18 hours of awake-time to fall asleep but I also need 9 hours of sleep to function optimally? We don't choose the number of hours in a day. =/ That is currently my situation, too. Exercise does help but the problem for me is that when I exercise, I feel tired and sleepy immediately, causing me to be extremely unproductive the rest of the day. Perhaps in the future when I have the $$ I'll buy a treadmill to run on at 11pm, that just might possibly do the trick.

[SxB]

Guys, none of the sleep-aid medicines can be taken long-term and still work, without side effects. Xanax is a benzodiazepine, it does have withdrawal effects, which is why you need to be slowly tapered off them if you need to quit. That is just not something I want to put myself under constantly at this age. It does not fix the root of the problem. I suppose I really would go for meds in a situation where I have no choice, but at the moment I have a little grace period to fix this since attending classes is not mandatory now, and I would like to try.

 

Whipple, the time matters to some degree, but not enough. Yes, my optimal 'functioning hours' are during the night; I just get work done faster and better after 1am or so. But that doesn't really matter, since there was one time when I successfully got myself to sleep at 11pm for an entire MONTH and when I had an exam the next day, bam, 0 sleep, despite me going to bed at around the same time. But yes, it does play a part.. I always feel like I am wasting the most productive hours of my day by sleeping early, so I tend to push later when I need to get more studying done.

 

SxB: What happens if I need 18 hours of awake-time to fall asleep but I also need 9 hours of sleep to function optimally? We don't choose the number of hours in a day. =/ That is currently my situation, too. Exercise does help but the problem for me is that when I exercise, I feel tired and sleepy immediately, causing me to be extremely unproductive the rest of the day. Perhaps in the future when I have the $$ I'll buy a treadmill to run on at 11pm, that just might possibly do the trick.

 

"What happens if I need 18 hours of awake-time to fall asleep but I also need 9 hours of sleep to function optimally?"

 

I don't know your schedule but you have to prioritize and choose an over all lifestyle that actually WORKS for you. Since sleep is important, then change things when you can to make sleep most important in your schedule, put your sleep first. What would be worse changing your lifestyle? or suffering for the next years to come being very tired unable to live comfortable each second.

 

But see what you can do first about your schedule, give yourself bigger options, and if you really can't have anything but this schedule right now then see it as temporary and find a way to cope, find the purpose why you are suffering with bad sleep and apply that purpose to help you mentally deal with it better.

 

Your other option could be getting in 7 hours of sleep a day, which is generally the least amount a person can get in before it becomes torturing to stay awake, and what will happen then is that you will be tired sooner than those 18 hours(for example, if 18 hours were usually how long you would stay awake).

 

"Exercise does help but the problem for me is that when I exercise, I feel tired and sleepy immediately"

 

Given the above information you told me about your schedule you're right,

that happens when you aren't getting in enough sleep, so exercising then has the adverse effect, making it rather dangerous then in that case to exercise because you can injure yourself. I wouldn't do it until your sleep is better, then once your sleep is better excercising once done consistently shouldn't make you tired.