Exboyfriend or new boyfriend?

[heddam]

I have a dilemma probably many others have had. I started dating A two years ago, we went through everything together and had a long distance after 4 motnhs of dating. I was in Norway and he in United States. Long distance was though! After I moved to chicago it became a little bit better but A and me have had our ups and downs. Mostly stupid fights and childish behavior from his side. 2 months ago I decided enough was enough after yet another unnecessary cruel argument. I was tiered of being verbally abused and feel unappreciated and not cared for. I had also started to have interest for another man at my college and we started hanging out even before i broke up with A.

 

Things started to progress with M and we had a definite connection. He was considerate, attentive, nice and treated me like a lady. Short said, he had all the qualities I wanted A to have. We started to develop a relationship pretty quickly. We have so much fun together, and he is a really cute guy. However, after he asked me to be his girlfriend I started to second guess myself. Was my decision to end my relationship with A the right thing to do? I still love him and I had pictured us together forever. He is more of a manly man than M and i been confused if my decision to start dating M was the right thing.

 

M is here at my college while A lives a 3 hour plane-ride away in Houston. I feel like I cant let A go to move on my relationship with M because I still love him. Or if my decision was wrong to let the love of my life go because of behavioural issues. Also the long distance was in concideration..

 

I have no idea what to do and I feel like I am being a horrible person to both guys. I want to visit A for a weekend to see what is still left of us or get a closure for our old relationship. But on the other side I feel like it is the wrong thing to do because I might let my feelings take overhand and give in to take him back and then loose my relationship with M.

 

(I have to add that when I broke up with A we were still in long-distance and I have not seen him in person since we broke up over the phone, thats why I thought maybe visiting would be good to get a closure or see him and see if it was worth starting up again.)

 

Is it just too early for me to have strong feelings for M and should give it some time or should I explore my old relationship with A and see if i made the wrong/right decision?

 

Sorry for the long message! I really appreciate all the answers.

 

-H

[washguy74]

What is A doing now post-breakup, is he dating? What's his communication with you like now?

 

If you visit A, do not stay with him. Have your own room somewhere. Don't let the intimacy of sharing a roof like that confuse the issue. Pursue the involvement more as a date at first, another look at this man you haven't seen in a while. After that visit, you really should be able to make up your mind. If not, gotta look at your own motives.

[vsmini]

Let ex go. You broke up because your relationship was broken. You said it yourself - the guy had behavior issues. Don't go for the weekend. It's a mistake.