mirage12 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I met a girl a month ago and have gone out with her 4 times since. We vibed right away when we met and each time we hung out, she had a really good time. I haven't clicked with a girl this fast ever, and I've had long phone convos with her that I didn't have with my ex until we had been dating for months. Long story short, after hanging 4 times, I had still failed to make a move on her. She came to visit my house at the beginning of last week for a while and we went and got dinner, during which she dropped a lot of hints, including saying things like "it's so random we met, just think, a month ago I didn't even know you existed", telling me her parent's names, talking about things we should do in the future, etc. Last night I decide to invite her and her friend out with a small group of us to go to a hookah bar. There were maybe 6 or 7 people and the 2 girls, one of whom my friend has recently started hooking up with. The girl seems to be having a good time throughout the night, up until the middle point when most of the table leaves, except for my friend, his girl, this girl and me. I'm talking to her, while my friend is being very PDA with his girl - kissing/hugging her, etc. At this point I think my girl starts to get uncomfortable. The night continues and she's getting tired and keeps telling her friend she wants to go. Eventually, she ends up driving home my friend and his girl, but we leave on a really weird note. After texting her a few times to see what was wrong, she gave a few responses about how "she didn't expect to feel as much pressure tonight" and this morning said that she was expecting things to be more of a group hangout. Also I heard from my friend that when she returned, she was very irritated - annoyed because she felt pressured, annoyed because she felt my friend was pressuring me, and she said something along the lines of "I gave him plenty of chances" (definitely not a good sign for me). I'm definitely into this girl and I would hate to think I somehow messed this up by not making a move so far (I'm thinking I've been scared about messing it up and now I actually have). Is it possible for a girl to flip her emotions that quickly? When we've hung out in the past, she's dropped a number of hints and we haven't been hanging out in what I think would be a "friend" capacity. What can I do to salvage this? She's gone for the next week now basically out of town on business, is all hope lost for me? Pleaes help!
phineas Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 She feels pressured on the 5th date but angry because you didn't try to have sex with her by the 4th. don't you love it. I used to wait until the 4th or 5th date but it's a rare woman who's ego isn't fractured if a guy doesn't try to get in her pants on the 2nd date. All the woman on LS that claim 1 or 2 months....don't listen to them. They are in the minority. Did you try to have sex with her?
Author mirage12 Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 much worse, i haven't even kissed her yet, which i'm sure does not bode well for me at this point
Eddie Edirol Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Dont worry about it until the next time you go out with her. Make a date, and as soon as you see her, make a move. She is dissappointed, but you can fix this. If you make a move and she recoils, drop her off and move on. No sense worrying about it, but you really shouldnt wait so long to make a move.
Author mirage12 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 should i talk with her girl friend (my classmate) about this or will that make me seem like I'm getting desperate? And if I'm hoping to salvage by trying to hang out one more time, when should I call her? should I not speak to her for a week or two to let it cool off, or will that completely close my window? she's gone all next week and might be moving next weekend, so I don't know if she'll even be free to hang out...
Sabali Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 should i talk with her girl friend (my classmate) about this or will that make me seem like I'm getting desperate? And if I'm hoping to salvage by trying to hang out one more time, when should I call her? should I not speak to her for a week or two to let it cool off, or will that completely close my window? she's gone all next week and might be moving next weekend, so I don't know if she'll even be free to hang out... A month and you have not made a move? Just out of curiosity, what were thinking? Serious. That is a long time and a lot of dates to not make a move. Sometimes you have to take a hit for the sake of knowing next time. Just take this one on the chin, son. Don't go stinking of desperateness now. Also, never, ever, ever drag a lady's friend or anyone else into your dating life or relationship. Leave them out of it for your own good. There are not many more things that are weaker than this. If you want to slam dunk your dismissal, drag her friend into it. Can you imagine how it feels for a woman waiting for you to make a move and having to sit through the other couple on the date making moves and one them being her friend? Your buddy was pressuring you? Out of the two, one of you guys was Batman and the other one was Robin. I think it was easy for your girl to pick out Robin. Sorry, man, but you and her won't be running across a open grassy field with your arms wide open and ending in a tight embrace. If you must call, call sooner than later but I wouldn't expect much. If you do get a chance to go out with her again, which is very small at this point, kiss her immediately. Don't wait until the end of the night. As soon as you see her, walk right up to her and smack her a juicy one. Trust me.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Cal her now and make a date, and DO NOT talk to her friend. If she gives you any answer other than "yes" then you blew it, and leave her alone.
lolo1234 Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I second sabali's advice . If you do het a chance to see her again, make your move AsAP
Author mirage12 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 i can't call her now, she's in vegas for work from now through tuesday, back home wed night and then goes out of town again thurs and friday...and i don't wanna call her while she's having fun in vegas...and yeah i would make the move asap if she agreed to hang out again, but when should I try to call her??
Sabali Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 You have nothing to lose at this point. Call her whenever you want. Do be light-hearted during the conversation but don't act out of character. Act like nothing ever happened. Nothing did ever happen but you get what I am saying. And the next time you ask her out, ask her out to something fun.
Author mirage12 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 I know, you guys are absolutely right and I am such a huge fool for not making a move after this long, it's really killing me now because I'm unfortunately kinda into this girl...my friends are all telling me to wait like 5 days or a week to even contact her to let her cool off from being so irritated...and at this point that I maybe shouldn't even try to ask her out again, because things may be past that point since her last reaction makes it sound like she's getting overwhelmed. She's good friends with a classmate of mine who's seeing my friend, so she'll be around hanging out and I could maybe try again in the future...but I really wish there was some way I could salvage it now. I really wanna talk to her friend about it, but I know that'll get back to the girl so that's not a great idea either...is it possible for a girl to have a change of heart within a week??
welikeincrowds Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I know, you guys are absolutely right and I am such a huge fool for not making a move after this long, it's really killing me now because I'm unfortunately kinda into this girl...my friends are all telling me to wait like 5 days or a week to even contact her to let her cool off from being so irritated...and at this point that I maybe shouldn't even try to ask her out again, because things may be past that point since her last reaction makes it sound like she's getting overwhelmed. She's good friends with a classmate of mine who's seeing my friend, so she'll be around hanging out and I could maybe try again in the future...but I really wish there was some way I could salvage it now. I really wanna talk to her friend about it, but I know that'll get back to the girl so that's not a great idea either...is it possible for a girl to have a change of heart within a week?? It's all good, man. This isn't an emergency. Mistakes like this happen. Don't psych yourself out, either. It wouldn't make sense for you to suddenly make yourself the reason you guys can't go out ("I shouldn't even try to ask her out again"). That would be punishing yourself even. Again, people **** up, and it all works out in the end. Get that dirt off your shoulders. All anyone wants is to feel appreciated by people they like. I'm sure you can make her feel that way -- but you won't be able to if you focus on yourself. That's what you're doing when you're thinking like this: it's all about fixing your error, resolving your desperation, saving face, not looking like an idiot. That's self-absorption and it's going to get you nowhere, so forgive yourself and remind yourself why you're even doing this. On that point: no need for "Unfortunately I'm into her." Being into her is a good thing. It's what you want right? Don't pussy out now when it's time to have your **** together. Maybe it won't work out, but regardless, you should see this one to its end. Take this boat all the way to shore. Take this sentence all the way to the period. I don't know, something like that. Coast as best you can, maybe take some risks, see what happens. Try to enjoy yourself man, sometimes this kind of thing is part of the show. It's too early for you to act like your relationship is fraught. Take it easy, have fun enjoying her company (and her waist, and her hands on your chest, and her lips) the next time you see her. Or, you know, better luck next time. She's not the only girl!
Sabali Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I know, you guys are absolutely right and I am such a huge fool for not making a move after this long, it's really killing me now because I'm unfortunately kinda into this girl...my friends are all telling me to wait like 5 days or a week to even contact her to let her cool off from being so irritated...is it possible for a girl to have a change of heart within a week?? If you are on a string, it is very thin. Considering your specific case, I wouldn't wait for her to "cool down." When she cools down, she will have cool down from you. Personally, I would have called while emotions were high and not have given her so much time to think. I think you are past that point now so call when you please. Since this is burning you up, waiting for five days or week will only be torture for you and I don't think it will work any more in your favor considering what happened. Really, you dug yourself a hole with the whole month-and-5-days-with-no action thing. A lot of honey should have been made in that time. Now, there is no honey and you have a woman who has gone cold on you. Call her. Who gives a F***k if she's in Vegas? You have nothing to lose.
Von Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 As I have recently experienced, screwing up and then trying to recover with a girl is next to impossible to do. And yes, they make instant decisions about their attraction level for you. They can be turned off right away, and then your done. When I take a girl out, I at a MINIMUM, kiss her on the first date... Always, but I also go for more because that cements the attraction for each other if it happens. But it's all done in respect for her. I don't put pressure on it, I just lightly make moves toward it. If it doesn't happen, I try again on a later date. But I always make it her final decision. When your in the moment, and kissing, and touching, and if she doesn't resist, then there is nothing wrong with having sex sooner rather than later. I've had serious relationships with girls I had sex with on the first night we met, and some where I had to work on it and prove myself before getting that. I'm fine either way. Sex is a big part of making your feelings come together. But if you don't make any moves at all, they do see it as either you are weak or you are not that into them. The last girl I posted about, where I screwed up, we made out alot on our first date, and I went for getting her in bed but she wanted to get to know me better first, and I respected that and just went with it. No problem. Ya if I were you, knowing the stringing she dragged me through before she moved on with another guy, because I had turned her off, I would just drop this girl and go find a new one. And when you do, kiss her as soon as you can when you know it's a good time to, and go for more if your feeling it will be positive to do so. Do not pressure. Just move forward. Get it?
Recommended Posts