told him to leave now i am super sad..

[butterfly2011]

HI. I am new here and I am super glad I found this site. Here's what been going on with me. I have been with my boyfriend for two years. He moved in last summer. I have two kids, age 15 and 9, both boys. Well everything was great for awhile. I didn't really want him to move in, but he was super slick and pushy and got what he wanted. I was so unsure about it up until a couple of months ago. I just wasn't ready for that type of commitment just yet. Wanted to take my time. Anyhow, when we first met we were great friends and he couldn't get enough of me. He was so in love with me. I loved it at first, then after about a year, I felt smothered and starting pushing him away. He used to call me at work like ten times a day, ask why I didn't answer my phone. Swore I was with another man at work, when really my focus was on my job and also on him of course. So now the tables have turned, I am super in love with him and he ignores me and has pushed me away. There has been a few times that he has left and also a few times I have kicked him out. He always came back. Well last week I kicked him out because of an argument we were having. I was serious about it that night. Then the next day he sent me a text saying hello mean lady. Then another text later saying oh you aren't talking to me? Then more texts....I ignored them all. So another night he stayed away. Then Friday, I text him, and he said he told me if I ever told him to leave that was it. First of all the texting back and forth bugs me to the core because we are adults and should talk this out and make an adult decision. So today is Sunday and I tried the no contact on Thursday and that was all I could handle. This feels like a game and it hurts bad. If I ignore him, he will blow up my phone. If I try getting ahold of him, he ignores me. I have asked him several times if it is over. He doesn't answer those texts. I ask if he just wants me to leave him alone, is it over for us, etc....ignores me. But when I text him today to remind him that it is my sons birthday, he texts back saying hello there, tell him I said happy birthday. I even asked him if he wants me to leave him alone and he doesn't answer me. I called a few times and left a couple funny messages. I made a few jokes with a german accent. I used to be able to make him laugh...i hope it made him laugh.

 

Anyways, long story i know. There are some issues in our relationship but after talking to alot of people about relationships, they seem to be normal issues that most people have and they learn to work them through. I have a hard time working things through. I know I should probably do the no contact thing, but its hard and i am trying. I asked him to come back home, he hasn't replied. I won't beg cause if he wants to come back he will. I was wrong and I know I was wrong. I asked him to come home, but he hasn't said anything. If I am asking him to leave all the time and he also leaves when things get tough, maybe that is a sign huh? Hmmmm...lots of emotions flying around here. Feeling like this is a big game. How do relationships get to this point? In the beginning he couldn't get enough of me, now he can stand to be away from me for days at a time. SAD.

[DollyGirl12]

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. He does seem like the type that acts like he wants alot of attention, but when he gets it he runs away.

As for all the texts, etc. My ex was like this to. Wanted to do everything by text. I can't have my relationship work via text. And he's playing games. Texting and texting and texting, but the minute you answer back you get the cold shoulder. If he does that again I would send him one text telling him that you will not conduct your relationship via text and if he wishes to talk about things then the two of you can set up a time to talk. And I would stick to it.

[butterfly2011]

Thank you. I just answered someone else's post about almost the same thing. I explained it this way; once you start playing the game and certain cards get played, they don't go away until you make them go away. He has played alot of cards which has made our relationship seem immature and unstable and of course I get the blame cause I have played along. Shame on me, I know better. All I want is a strong healthy relationship.

 

In the past I have done the reply, I will not have a relationship via text and told him he should call me so we can talk. I have tried to call him but he doesn't answer so I don't want to continue to call so that I can sit here and cry cause he ignored me again. And wow you hit the nail on the head..... he loves attention.....it's crazy. He needs alot of it. If he isn;t getting it from me, he is getting it from guys at work, people at his new shop.... he just needs to feel special. His self esteem is shot but he doesn't show it. Maybe that is one of the issues I am having with the relationship. He needs so much attention that he seeks it from others, not necessarily women, but younger males that look up to him because he knows how to work on cars and has that tough look. He's like a kid in a man's body. OMG.... when he is getting attention, he is awesome but it has to be all about him and it has to be positive or he is not hearing it and he will walk away. WOW, i think I have a huge issue with this. What a breakthrough really. I have told him that its always about him and the minute I need to talk to him about something, if he doesn't like what I am saying, he walks away. WOW....