Is it really over?

[dack27]

Hey yall,

 

 

I'm new here so I'll try to keep this as short and sweet as possible but right now I really need some help. I've been dating a girl on and off for a solid year now. At first it was great but as of late it's been off due to reoccurring fights. A few days ago we got into another fight that stemmed from jealous tendencies (we both have them and we're both as stubborn heck) and this time she's cut off everything. Deleted me on facebook, ignores anything I send her way, so far it's been an email and a few texts/calls but I realized it was going nowhere so I said my final peace and let it be. That was two days ago. Not a long stretch of time by any means but when you see someone every day for a year two days feels like an eternity. Now my problem comes is that I still care for this girl more than anything. I want to reconcile and get over these stupid fights because 95% of the time we aren't fighting and everything is great. However, since she's the one who initiated the NC I don't know what to do. I know some time apart will let everything settle down and we won't be so emotional but she's so stubborn I know I'm going to have to initiate the contact at some point. I know there's still strong feelings on her side for me but we both got tired of the fighting, she was just the first one to act. How long do I go with NC before I even think about talking to her again? And I know the point of NC is to better yourself and not dwell over the ex, believe me I'll be keeping myself busy so I won't think about her constantly, but I don't know how to deal with her NC and my gut feeling that this one isn't over yet. Thank's for reading

 

-dack

[Little_Bee]

It's difficult to tell if it is really over but I think that shouldn't be your first questions anyway. Ask yourself why you have been fighting lately.

 

Yes, it hurts not to have contact with someone you are used to having contact with every day and the lost you feel is tearing you apart but that's normal at the being. I miss my ex terribly and every text message or phone call I receive my heart makes a jump and hopes it's him (even though I asked him not to contacting me).

 

Nevertheless, you first need to understand why your relationship had turned into an unsettle one with some fights before you should try to get her back or even think about getting her back. If you don't understand what has happened it will happen again and the fighting would continue if you both would have another try.

[dack27]

To sum it up, one of us would initially get upset from being jealous. ie she is the kind of girl who makes friends easier with guys so I get jealous when she's around these guys all of the time or her getting upset when certain other girls talk to me. Taking a step back it all sounds so stupid and childish it's ridiculous to think we broke up over it. The main reason I don't think it's over is because we've been so up and down these past few months over the same issues. We would say we're broken up but a few days later it was back to normal. This time it's different becuase of the no contact on her part and this is what I'm having trouble figuring out. I don't know if I should just 100% assume she's done and move on or if we just need some time to actually work out our issues instead of just jumping back into a relationship.

 

I wish every text/call was her but I know it's unhealthy to think like that. And I realize why we fought, we would never communicate to each other what was wrong. It would start over somthing so small but becuase neither one of us would acknowledge it, it would build until we fought over it. It seems so easy now to see it all once I've stepped back and looked at it, I just hope I can talk to her about it before it's too late/not too soon

[Jimmm]

I just went through a ton of fights with my ex right before the end as well.

I won't say our issues we're the same (not that jealousy isn't dangerous) but there was more to it in our case.

 

The fighting kept going and going and going until we split.

 

The thing is, I don't think there was anything we could have done while we were together to fix it. I am only 4 days in, and I'm still reeling, but I know that together we weren't able to stop the pattern. No amount of love and good times together could make the bad times easier. They only got harder until we got to the point we're at now.

 

I needed this, personally, I can fix the problems with myself that were making us fight and hopefully she can use that time to do the same. I'm not giving up on her, but I'm giving her to herself because it's the right thing to do for both of us.

[dack27]

Wow Jimmm, that's it in a nutshell. I love this girl to death but when we fought it was WWIII. It was such a small percentage of the time we spent together tho but that doesn't make it any better.

 

I get what you're saying about the vicious cycle. I'm pretty much floating in the same boat here. I think it had to come to this for us to either resolve our issues on our own or move on. I wish I could say I was as optimistic as you, but you have the 100% absolute right outlook on this.

 

I know I need to resolve my jealousy issues before I can even begin to start working out our issues, it's not fair to anybody and it's something that can effect me for the rest of my life unless I take a good, hard look at it. Like you said, I guess all I can do is fix myself and hope that she can do the same.

 

I'm still uneasy on the NC rule though, I know I can hold out for awhile but I don't know how long she'll be able to. Should I wait til I've resolved my issues before I entertain the idea of talking to her again so we don't get back on this horrible cycle??

[Jimmm]

I would not try to talk anything out, at all. That is if your intentions are to get her back now. It sounds like your breakup just has to happen. It's the ****ing hardest thing in the world to accept. And it's scary because you know when you accept that while you still NEED them, you're going to hurt - no matter what.

 

But if you want her back later, or a chance later, then I think that it's better to leave things on a positive than a negative. You may take one shot to let her know you're ok with things, because that's all she wants to hear and she's probably not prepared to give any answers. She's at this point because shes tired, fed up, and maybe a little angry. Pushing her into making you feel better will just make her more mad. If you are thinking you want this girl back you want to gracefully bow out, letting her know that you want whats best for her, and that you understand this is it. You also know that it's best for you, you're ready to improve yourself, to move past your own problems and you're looking forward to being that new better person. Be caring and strong, let her know she was special - if she was, but do not let her think she can keep you on the back burner either.

I'm having an issue with this myself. I feel like writing a letter to fix the last contact I ****ed up this morning before going back full NC

[dack27]

You hit the nail on the head, it needed to happen, I'm still having trouble accepting it but the fact of the matter is that it had to happen. And obviously I do want her back now. If I go through with the NC and I find that I'm better off than so be it, but right now priority number one is fixing my issues so that if the chance arises I can work on fixing ours. And I see your point about not talking it out with her right now. The only thing that would happen if we were to talk is a) another argument or b) we'd end up back in that cycle.

 

I don't know if I should try for that last contact though. The last time I tried talking to her it was the calls and texts a la why won't you talk to me, this isn't going to help etc. Thankfully I only sent 2 maybe 3 and only called a few times. I didn't call incessantly or get angry in the texts, just upset. However the last text was something along the lines of I'm sorry for the fighting and all of the BS that comes with it, I still care about you and I hope we can talk soon. I don't remember exactly because I deleted it all not long after I sent it but I'm still wondering if I should try and clear the water like you suggested. Seeing her and saying it's ok, I want the best for you and we both needed it and aside from the fighting I really enjoyed my time with you and just leaving it at that.

 

How can I avoid being that fail-safe? I want her to know that I'm doing things for me and making myself happy but I don't want her to think I'm just waiting on her either. Any suggestions?

 

By no means am I an expert on the NC rule, but you have to draw the line somewhere. If you feel like things were left on a negative note and don't reflect your future intentions with her then I would seriously consider some one sided contact (letter, email, text etc) because you don't want to fall back into anything too quickly or get emotional from seeing her in person. That's just my $.02 on it, but you seem to know what you want from yourself and what you're hoping for in return from her so I would say seriously consider it, re-read it, sleep on it and see if you feel like it was the right thing to do. Weigh every possible outcome and go from there because once it's in the mail there's no taking it back

[Jimmm]

I think the trick to being that fail safe is to really be happy with yourself. You have to be confident, stable, moving forward and not carrying the weight of your break up with you. If she thinks you're not any of these things, she will never "want" you more than anyone else, you'll be exactly what you don't want to be. Someone she can settle for. You have to distance yourself, overcome the faults in yourself that you know you have, and especially the ones that hurt your relationship. When those are gone, and you are confident, fresh, with a new outlook and inner happiness, she will want you - at least I think - if there was ever real love there it's possible.

You might not want her at that point, but if you can find it in yourself to forgive her, still love her, and be strong enough to move forward it will work out either way for you.

 

 

This is the draft that I have sitting here to send to my ex.

 

 

 

xxxx, I know I ****ed up this morning. I only meant to say a few words to you and didn't mean to push you into giving me answers you didn't have but somehow ended up there anyways. I'm disappointed in myself, I know you didn't need to talk, but you let me talk and then I took advantage. I'm sorry and I can't wait to put that kind of **** behind me. I cant believe I made you leave here on the verge of tears again. I'd regret it but my goal is to learn from my mistakes, not dwell on them.

I'd like you to know that I'm not giving up on you, but rather I'm giving you up. I'd fight GSP and Randy Couture in a 2 on 1 ****ing death match if I thought that was the right thing to do. But fighting for you now isn't right for either of us. I'm giving you back to yourself. So you can find what you need to find, and be who you want to be. I think the world of you and I always will. You're the best. The absolute best ****ing girl I've ever known, in every sense. I regret nothing, I'm so glad to have our memories and will always cherish them. I will always remember how awesome you were and how perfect our good times were, and when I talk about you it will be "yah, she was ****ing amazing" and if they ask what happened I'll say "we needed to live our own lifes for the better but she'll always be special to me." because that's the truth.

I am grateful that my last 5 years was spent with you. I am grateful that because of you I will be a much better person in the future. I know what so many of my faults are because of you, no one else could ever call me on my bull**** like you. I'm not perfect, never was, and I'm glad to have had you to help me realize it. You're part of the reason I want to be a better person, becasue I know that you were right about me, if I can be the man you deserve then I'll be good enough for anyone. I wish that I was able to fix those faults while I was with you, but that never would have happened. I need to do it on my own, I need to find myself again. I made all of my goals "our goals" and it robbed us both of our independence. I'm excited to get back my sense of adventure and to open myself up to other people again. I know you can do the same. I hope a year from now you feel better about you than you've ever felt.

I won't be pining for you, talking to you, or seeing you, but I will never stop loving our memories and your character. I will always hold you in the highest regard.

If our love was real and I think we both feel it was, thats was why we tried to hard to stay together, then maybe we'll talk again someday when we're past our issues. Maybe our spark will be there and maybe not. And if that day never comes, if we both move on for the better, then it's obviously meant to be that way. But no matter how it goes, there is nothing to be sad about, we're both getting what we need and deserve with this breakup. Have fun, live life, and always be happy.

[butterfly2011]

dont send that to her. Keep that as your own journal. give her some time and space. It hasnt been that long and you two have a history together. A long history. Fix you in the mean time. She will come around cause she will miss u too. That letter sounds like a good bye when maybe just maybe space is all that is needed. I am a female and that would just make it worse.

[euthanasiaserriete]

Интернет-магазин шин и дисков Iточка У штурвала бригантины. сексуальные типы мужчин молоденькие девчонки порно сексуальный гороскоп на сегодня для скорпиона порно ролики с говном И улыбка без сомнения... секс овен стрелец www фото порно ru секс втроем советы бывалого порно букину скачать видео смотреть порно онлайн с японочками фото женщин инцест журнал секс знакомства радио рекорд нам нужен только секс

[dack27]

I wouldn't send it jimmm, I know you have the best intentions in mind but it's just going to stir up emotions again and set you back to square one. I understand it's so hard not to send it/ pick up the phone but we both know now isn't the right time. I'm looking forward to the day when I can see her or hear something about her and not get upset by it. I hate this version of me that's just down all the time but I know it's just a phase and it's on me as to how long it lasts. And I agree with butterfly, keep it as a journal. It's good to get your emotions out somehow and it'll be good to look at later when you're over all of this and see what kind of state you were in. Do you think sending her that letter would do anymore good? Do you think she'll read it and change her mind? I know we're both hoping for a yes but the truth is we're already this far in, we know we were both in a bad cycle of ups and downs in our relationships so there's no use going back to that. We might as well ride out this no contact and see where it takes us, we've got nothing to lose but this depression/sadness/whatever you want to call it but we've got everything to gain. A new better life with a positive outlook at the least, and if it was meant to be with your girl it'll come around in due time

[dack27]

Jimmm, if I can be with in 20 ft of my ex and not walk up to her and say anything knowing that she saw me, you can resist sending that letter man. It was honestly one of the hardest things I've had to do relationship wise, I absolutely hate not saying a word or doing anything, I'm sick to my stomach knowing she was right there but I hope it feels like the right thing when I wake up in the morning...