ohno777 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Hello everyone. I am new here. My breakup story in a nutshell--we dated for 3 years, lived together, and I wanted to marry him. He was younger, less experience, and got GIGS. He broke up with me in early September, we tried to be friends, but it ended badly (of course). I have been no contact for almost 3 months now. I have been on a couple of dates but no love matches. I haven't really wanted to date or do anything with a guy. My heart is still with my ex and it sucks. It is very unlike me to not want to go out and have a good time, make-out with cute guys, etc. I have never been so sad or uninterested in other guys after a breakup. Ugh. My ex has been dating someone seriously for the last 3 months of no contact. That is why I went no contact. Well, last night I had sex for the first time in 4 years with someone who wasn't my ex. It was a one-night stand and I am feeling so sad, scared, and ashamed. I am worried about STD's because we didn't use a condom. I asked the guy many many times about if he was clean and he promised. He said he had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship a week ago and he hasn't been with anyone but his ex for the last 4 years. I told him it was the same for me. I kept asking him this morning about being clean as well and he kept promising. But of course, I am still worried because I don't know this dude! I feel like such a fool and I am mad at myself for not being smarter. Also, overall I am just sad, sad, sad. Did any of you get sad after making-out or having sex with someone new after your ex??? I am just feeling really down today about my stupid actions last night and I am mad that I am still not over my ex enough to enjoy being free (even though I need to be free AND smart when it comes to sex). Any words of wisdom? Thanks in advance.
Little_Bee Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 First of all, allow yourself time to heal. It's normal that you don't want to date other guys as the break up is still too fresh. Don't rush into anything as your heart is not able to start anything new yet. Regarding STD; you know yourself that it was rather irresponsible to have sex with a stranger without any protection and even if they say they are clean - well, maybe they think they are but they are not if you are unlucky. I would suggest that you see your doc for some advise with regards to STD tests to be on the 'safe' side.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I agree, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to get involved with someone right after a relationship ends, or even for longer periods of time. It may be that you are just become more mature with your thinking and realizing that you need to take time to heal. I can understand that you are feeling bad about having a one night stand. I'm also the type that is not comfortable with just casual sex. But, you did something that you regret and feel bad about. That's ok but don't beat yourself to death over it. Go and get tested for STDs. Hopefully all will be fine. Use this as a learning tool for yourself. If it makes you feel bad, refrain from doing it. Good luck!
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