What's with the sarcasm?

[lalka]

Hello again,

 

So it has been over a month since I've seen my boyfriend and lately I've noticed that when we talk... we have nothing to say. Literally. We can be on the phone for 30 minutes, but we talk for a total of 10 minutes. plus, every time I mention anything or ask about his work (for example, when he's ending his shift) he answers me sarcastically. ALL THE TIME. Even is his text messages - sarcastic one-worded answers.

 

Finally, i asked him what the hell his problem is and the way he talks to me in that manner, and how i get the feeling that he treats me more as a friend as opposed to a girlfriend. He gets angry/upset... ANNDD.... His answer? "well then how about you start acting like one?"

 

I'm dumbfounded. Completely speechless. I've been loyal, honest, caring, loving, devoted, anything and everything. I write him texts when he's working, emails so he can read them when he checks, I tell him how much i love him how much i miss him, i check ticket prices daily, hoping that i can go see him for a weekend, I'll call him.. I mean.. i can go on and on.. theres just so much more. I've never cheated on him - nor do i plan on doing so. The mere thought of cheating makes me feel sick.

 

Can anyone give me some insight? Has anyone been in this situation with their S.O??

[january2011]

He's upset about something. I suggest asking him how he wants a girlfriend to act.

 

Though having said that, your behaviour may not be the root cause of his upset. He may be upset about something else and it's manifesting as his shoddy attitude towards you.

 

Since you've not indicated otherwise, you are not a mindreader. Whether he's upset about something else or upset at you, he needs to talk to you directly about it so that you can both discuss how to deal with the issues and get back to being happy again.

 

If he deflects, pushes it back on you to be a mindreader and continues to be rude to you, I think it's time to consider whether or not you want to remain with someone who refuses to engage in making your relationship better.

[walkingwithhim]

If I were you, I'd straight up ask him. Maybe he's stressed about something at work or he's pulling away because he wants space. That's usually what that means.

[Feelin Frisky]

He is showing you contempt. And when one person in relationship gets to the point of showing contempt to the other, it over for them. Many people choose to be in denial about this and carry on anyway. But the bottom line to me is contempt equals disgust and even hatred. And I don't feel so small that there is anyone I'd want to overlook that from. It's good bye. I suggest being the dumper in this case and stick to it.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

maybe he's still holding grudge for that birthday incident and his resentment accumulated along with other little arguments you had in the past.

 

resolving resentment is quite difficult, especially if you think you have not done anything wrong and the other party has ridiculous expectations from you and can't seem to see it from your perspective.

 

his sarcasm is his passive-aggressive way of getting your attention. however, you are not a mind-reader so he needs to tell you exactly why he's feeling that way towards you.

 

if you are still willing to fix it, talk to him. apologize and tell him that you are not aware what you have done for him to feel this way. the ball is in his court, and that is to forgive you. if he cannot move on from there and he just continue to rehash old fights, then maybe it's time to let go.

[Els]

Surely you asked him what he thinks you have been doing wrong, after he said that?

[creighton0123]

Don't get upset. Communicate. You two are having a failure in communication where neither of your expectations are being met.

 

He may feel that your text messaging and emails while he's working are very disruptive. He may be feeling bored with the type of communication you two are having. He may be getting bored with your long distance relationship.

 

If you haven't already, you should have regular (bi-weekly) sit downs where you talk about the relationship between the two of you in a rational and calm manner, discussing very direct benefits, problems, expectations, desires, etc.

 

You felt resentment and added to that by proverbially twisting the knife you stuck in him. If my boyfriend ever said to me "What the hell is your problem?" I wouldn't take too kindly to it.

 

You should also abandon text-message based communication. I haven't read ONE example where cell phone txt'ing has been beneficial for communication for a couple. In my opinion, text messaging to communicate feelings only ever harms a relationship.

 

Toss things up a bit. Just because you're in a long distance relationship doesn't mean you can't make things feel new. Examples:

 

1. If you're tired of communication, you can play some online video games together. OMGPOP has some cute ones where you can both play the same game at the same time.

 

2. If communication is repetitive, don't place so much emphasis on it. There's no harm in leaving a video channel on Skype open while you both do your own thing. In fact, that can be quite beneficial because it simulates sharing a living space.

 

3. Asking questions about routine things (like work) will almost always get you routine (short) answers. Work seldom changes.

 

4. Try to cope with your anger/frustration in a different way. Practice relaxation techniques so that you're able to let go of things that might not impact you in the long run.

 

5. Figure out where you're going. You're currently in a long distance relationship. Any idea on when the distance might be removed? If not, that should be a goal in your mind and one that you discuss every month or so until things are figured out.