The shy, smart girl.

[Hules]

Ok so last week I had a bit of a relapse about my ex (over that now thank god).

I'm now seeing a girl I met of OKC, just went on our second date.

 

for a bit of context I talk about her briefly in this thread:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270380/

 

So first date ended up been a coffee meetup in the morning on Tuesday at a bookstore. I could tell she was very nervous she gave me a sort of awkward hug that felt, not natural. I had to lead the conversation for first 5-10 minutes as she was a bit flustered (I thought this was kind of cute tbh ). After that though she seemed more comfortable and started asking me questions etc.

 

(On her profile she had stated that she was often quite shy when she is first getting to know someone so I was prepared for this kind of reaction)

 

Talked for about an hour and half, she is a very bright girl very passionate about what she is studying but she was interested in what I was studying as she hasn't met to many people outside the course shes doing. She was somewhat rigid as I could tell she was nervous but I did manage to get a few smiles, laughs out of her.

 

Walked and chatted some more to where she was catching her tram to uni, talked some more while we waited for the tram as the tram was approaching I gave her a hug this one didn't feel awkward and forced. I asked her if she wanted to see me again to which she said "Yes, I do." To which i replied "Great i'll be in contact then" waved goodbye and went to catch my train.

 

Messaged her the next day (she doesn't like talking on the phone) saying that I enjoyed meeting her/chatting with her and would like to see her again on Saturday for dinner if she was free. She replied saying that she would like to see me again as well but she is busy on Saturday and suggested dinner on Sunday instead. So we picked out a one of her favorite Vietnamese restaurant's near where she lives.

 

Texted each other a few times throughout the week but nothing to much.

 

Anyway onto second date. Met at agreed place she had a big smile when she saw me and gave me a big hug (about 10 seconds). Started walking down to where the restaurant was. I had to start the conversation again but she wasn't nearly as nervous. Unfortunately her favorite restaurant was actually closed but this area had tons of other restaurant's so we went for a bit of a wander and ended up picking a place that looked nice.

 

Ended up getting a few dishes and sharing them. She was much more relaxed this time. I was getting some good vibes from her (teasing, flirting, playing with her hair/jewelery etc). Conversation flowed very well no awkward moments. Ended up talking for near 3 hours.

 

Walked down to the train/tram stop talked along the way. Now this is where things went a bit pear shaped (imo). All those positive vibes I had gotten earlier seemed to have dissipated replaced with nervousness, I could tell she was somewhat uncomfortable. I had been planning to go in for the first kiss earlier because of the positive vibes I was getting before but now I wasn't so sure. Before I could do anything she gave me a hug and thanked me the lovely evening and that she had fun. I said I had fun too and smiled.

 

She then asked me how I was getting home (asking if I was catching tram or train) to which i replied "I wasn't sure" (I didn't know the area that we had ended up in that well and was trying to figure out in my head what would be the best way to get home.) She then said "you don't know how you getting home?" and gave me a bit of a odd look I said "I think ill take the train" I then asked if she wanted to catch up again later in the week she replied "Yes, I think so, I'm still getting to know you" this kinda threw me (what the hell does that mean?).

 

Anyway I told her I would call her later and she said "Ok, talk to you later" we waved goodbye I went to the train station and she caught her tram.

 

I then realized that I think she saw my comment about me not been sure about how to get home as me looking for a green light to go back to her place. (which really was not the case I was genuinely unsure about how I was going to get home because I didn't know the area very well). So with a 30 minute wait for my train (Sunday public transport sucks in my city) I thought I should defuse any misconception she might of gotten from that comment. So I shot her off a quick text saying "Should of taken the tram next train isn't for 30 minutes. I really don't know this area very well :S"

 

She replied instantly with a cheeky text saying "Haha I'm already home! Looks like I win at public transport :p".

 

Anyway not sure how I feel about how the date ended the "Yes, I think so, I'm still getting to know you" comment sort of really threw me off. Thinking about how i should proceed next. I do like this girl and I'm happy taking things slow and I get the feeling thats what she wants as well.

 

Few things to consider.

 

a) She has a massive study load atm she spent most of the weekend studying just so she could come and see me.

 

b) My ex was a very academic girl as well, part of the reason we broke up I believe is because she felt I was distracting her from her studies (among other things personal issues she had).

 

So I'm a bit hesitant to bother this girl too much over the next week. Thinking I might ask her in a couple of days if she wants to go out again later in the week.

 

Any thoughts/comments/insight from girls (shy girls would be awesome! ) would be much appreciated.

Edited March 27, 2011 by Hules

[welikeincrowds]

Don't worry about that comment dude.

 

1. She's already established that she's not the smoothest socially

2. It's usually not a good idea to plan or talk about the "next date" at the end of the last date.

 

I think you've been handling the situation well so far and that you don't need to doubt yourself now. The worst thing you could do is be apologetic about your affection. I am confident you will be conscientious about her other needs and that she will be able to assert herself if she needs space to focus on other areas of her life. That's only a significant problem "you should just know about" if you're a creepy **** blowing up her phone.

 

I think you should carry on as if everything is fine, because it is.

[Hules]

Thanks, after processing it a bit more I realise she probably said that comment out of nerves more than anything else (she was noticeably flustered by this point). I agree that usually it's not a good idea to talk about the next date at the end of the last date.

 

However this type of girl is what I'm most experienced with (as they are generally the ones I end up falling for). If she was more of a outgoing girl and more socially confident, I wouldn't have even mentioned anything about the next date.

 

With this type of girl if I ended up getting closer with them I've found out a mix of the following with all of them.

 

A) Generally have had very little one on one experience with guys.

 

Or

 

B) The experience they have had with guys was not a positive experience. Because the guys they had gone out with were immature jackasses who would ostracise them because they were not comfortable jumping in the sack with them after one or two dates.

 

For me mental stimulation is very important to me in a partner (more so than physical stimulation I would say I have a lower than average sex drive, for a guy.) If a girl I'm seeing is unable/not interested in intelligent conversation I quickly find my interest waning. Not saying I don't have a fun/silly side because I do . Just that I've come to realise this is something important to me in building attraction towards a girl.

 

And

 

C) Can be dense as guys (or more so) in picking up subtle hints that I'm interested in them. (Always told me later on they really appreciated that I made it obvious to them I was interested without coming out and saying I like them).

 

Haha no I'm not a creepy blowing up phone type of guy. I actually don't really like communicating via text/phone myself, much prefer talking in person because I can pick up on subtle hints that are very hard to pickup otherwise.

 

I'm also quite busy with my own studies and work so I usually only send 1 or 2 texts a day if that usually I'm quite busy. I make the effort to at least touch base with a girl I like once every 2 days. But as I said I prefer to keep most conversation for in person.

 

Already picked out the next place I would like to take her if shes interested in seeing me again.

Edited March 28, 2011 by Hules

[Hules]

Well I'm seeing her again in couple of hours and felt like sharing, because I'm pretty excited tbh

 

Found out on our last date that we share one mutual friend (small world I guess, considering we met online). So I'm taking her out to meet a few of my closer friends and the mutual friend is coming along too (not to many people don't want to bombard her with to many new faces). Hoping she will be a bit more comfortable and come out of her shell a bit more tonight we shall see.

 

Haven't really spoken that much this week as we are both quite busy atm, just in contact with her to make plans and a small amount of small talk. She sent me a text last night saying "looking forward to seeing you tomorrow :)". Pretty happy atm

[Hules]

Urggg well that didn't go so great. I will not be contacting her again, thats for sure. :\

 

Anyway arranged to meet her at a train station near where we were going to be having dinner with my friends. I got there about 10 minutes before the agreed time. She came on the dot, saw me gave me a big smile and came over and gave me a hug.

 

We did the usual small chat thing catching up on how each others weeks had been since we hadn't really talked that much during the week. My friends were obviously running late got a phone call from one of them 5 minutes later. I excused myself and answered it. There train had been delayed and they were going to 15 - 20 mins late.

 

So I told her and suggested we go for a walk while we waited. So we went around the immediate area and I pointed out some of my favorite haunts/places she showed me hers. She seemed very comfortable around me at this point I didn't have to lead the conversation like I did on the last 2 dates. She was asking me a lot of questions about all sorts of stuff.

 

I made a few jokes which she laughed at etc. So far so good I thought anyway we met up with my friends.

 

Bit of context: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269257/ The friends are talked about here.

 

Anyway Anna and Steve + three other friends showed up about 20 mins later and we headed down to where we were having dinner.

 

Dinner was ok (food was awesome though ). She sort of retreated back into her shell at first so I had to talk to her to get her to come out again. I tried including her in conversation with my friends but she wasn't very receptive for the first 10 minutes or so. I got her talking to Anna because they study the same field and she came out of her shell so I thought ok good.

 

So they struck up a conversation so I chatted to Steve for a bit about random stuff. Steve was been himself which is loud and somewhat crude at times, very funny though. Anyway after dinner we went to a place near by for dessert by now she seemed somewhat comfortable with my friends and was talking with them with my help and I was trying my best to make sure she felt included, whilst making conversation with her myself.

 

To be honest it was a lot of work trying to avoid awkward silent moments but for the most part they were avoided. Anyway my friends were catching a train back home and my date was taking a tram about 10 minutes walk away from the station. It was pretty late and the area was known to have a pretty bad rep for drunks behaving badly on a Friday night. So I didn't feel comfortable letting her walk there herself.

 

Anyway she seemed a lot more comfortable once my friends were gone and went back to talking about random stuff. There was a lull in the conversation about 5 minutes of walking towards the tram stop. I caught her eye and she was looking into mine so I stopped and she stopped. I tested the waters by moving her hair over her ear. She didn't flinch or try to avoid me doing so. So I saw this as a sign she was comfortable with me touching her. I went in for the kiss she didn't try to avoid it.

 

Lasted about 4-5 seconds then she pulled away and immediately went into the "Your a really nice guy and have been really respectful and patient with me. After this I pretty much tuned out was the usual bull**** yada yada yada I want to be friends etc blah blah blah sorry if I gave you the wrong idea."

 

I was pretty ****ing pissed off by this point, because I felt she had lead me on quite badly, which really really pisses me off I can handle a girl not been interested in me as long as they don't string me along. I wanted to say some nasty things to her but I decided she wasn't worth it.

 

So I said very coldy that I appreciate her honesty and said I was sorry if I made her uncomfortable. Then I walked off without saying goodbye or anything (I know probably rude on my part but I was fuming).

 

Went back to the train station. My friends were still waiting for the train, they asked me what happened. I told them what happened and Steve been Steve told me that it's not my fault that shes socially retarded... lol. Oh well, guess it's time to start looking again.

 

Edit: forgot to mention that the one mutual friend we share didn't end up coming, glad she didn't now tbh.

Edited April 1, 2011 by Hules

[Hules]

Bleh, feeling pretty **** atm. Sometimes I wonder if I'm better off been single I seem to be happier for the most part :\

[SweetDaphne]

Bleh, feeling pretty **** atm. Sometimes I wonder if I'm better off been single I seem to be happier for the most part :\

 

 

Hules - not better off single - just better off without her.

[Hules]

Thanks Daphne that makes me feel a bit better

[Hules]

Woops! ment to make a new thread. New thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271726/

Edited April 1, 2011 by Hules

[NoMagicBullet]

I'm sorry things didn't work out with this girl, Hules. But I don't understand why you think she was leading you on. You had only been out on three dates with her. If you'd been dating for a month or more, I could see it, but it seems like you were just getting know each other. It's not her fault if she didn't feel quite the spark you did; she may have been trying to give it the best chance possible by going on three dates, instead of just one or two.

 

I also don't understand why you went with a group outing for a 3rd date:

So I'm taking her out to meet a few of my closer friends and the mutual friend is coming along too (not to many people don't want to bombard her with to many new faces). Hoping she will be a bit more comfortable and come out of her shell a bit more tonight we shall see.

 

Maybe you wanted to make her more comfortable, but I think it had the opposite effect. Basically she was confronted not only with trying to get to know you better, but also meeting your close friends whom she didn't know. That was a lot of pressure for a shy preson. And if it were me, I'd feel like the guy's friends were there to judge if I was worthy of their friend. I think I'd also feel like he was rushing things by wanting me to meet them so soon. In the future, I'd recommend avoiding group dates until you've gone out with someone more often and/or a longer period of time.

 

Just my 2 cents. Hope things go better with the next girl.

[green_tea]

If she had told you after the 1st date that she only wanted to be friends you probably would have been angry that she didn't give you a chance.

 

Your reaction when she said she only wants to be friends was really rude, and completely self centred. Do you know how hard it is to tell someone that you are not feeling the same way? And her being shy makes it even harder.

 

As the previous poster said, it was only 3 dates, that is not leading someone on, that is getting to know someone. Online dating is hard, every one I have been on I have had to give the let's just be friends speech, and let me tell you, it is a really hard thing to do.

 

You have probably really put this girl online dating, and made her feel like all guys will get angry at her if she doesn't develop feelings for them.

[Hules]

If she had told you after the 1st date that she only wanted to be friends you probably would have been angry that she didn't give you a chance.

 

Your reaction when she said she only wants to be friends was really rude, and completely self centred. Do you know how hard it is to tell someone that you are not feeling the same way? And her being shy makes it even harder.

 

As the previous poster said, it was only 3 dates, that is not leading someone on, that is getting to know someone. Online dating is hard, every one I have been on I have had to give the let's just be friends speech, and let me tell you, it is a really hard thing to do.

 

You have probably really put this girl online dating, and made her feel like all guys will get angry at her if she doesn't develop feelings for them.

 

Actually no I wouldn't have cared if she had said she wasn't interested after the first date. I would of respected her honesty.

 

Sorry for my lack of sympathy but I have a extremely low tolerance for bull****. I felt like a complete idiot and embarrassed that I had kissed her. Her giving me the lets just be friends speech was rubbing salt on the wound.

 

Yes I know what it's like to give that speech and I've done it many times myself but I don't make up bull**** about wanting to be friends. Iv'e been slapped called horrible things which I don't care to repeat, I think my reaction was mild at best.

 

How was I ment to react, may I ask?

 

We all know its bull**** she has no intention of been my friend or ever talking to me again. Any friendship that would of been made would of been forced at best.

 

To the reason why I brought her out with my friends, she was asking when she could see me next during the week I tried setting up another date for the weekend we were both busy.

 

I had already made plans to meet my friends on Friday I asked her if she would feel comfortable meeting them or would she prefer to spend more time together alone.

 

She told me she wanted to meet my friends.

[green_tea]

Actually no I wouldn't have cared if she had said she wasn't interested after the first date. I would of respected her honesty.

 

Sorry for my lack of sympathy but I have a extremely low tolerance for bull****. I felt like a complete idiot and embarrassed that I had kissed her. Her giving me the lets just be friends speech was rubbing salt on the wound.

 

Yes I know what it's like to give that speech and I've done it many times myself but I don't make up bull**** about wanting to be friends. Iv'e been slapped called horrible things which I don't care to repeat, I think my reaction was mild at best.

 

How was I ment to react, may I ask?

 

We all know its bull**** she has no intention of been my friend or ever talking to me again. Any friendship that would of been made would of been forced at best.

 

I think you should have reacted as you would have if you she had said she wasn't interested after the first date - i.e. respect her honesty and just move on. You got angry because you thought she led you on, but all she was doing was trying to get to know you. Nothing you said she did was leading you on, in my opinion. It may have taken that kiss to give her an opportunity to see how you really felt and to let you know she didn't feel the same. Don't get angry about things like this, you'll feel better if you just let it go.

 

I replied to this thread because I am online dating at the moment, and it is so hard, I think about giving it all up sometimes. I haven't yet met anyone on there that I felt a spark with. And you know, the let's just be friends isn't always just said to soften the blow. The latest guy I met, we have loads to talk about but I just didn't feel anything for him, and so if he wants to, then I have every intention of keeping in touch with him.

[D-Lish]

H, you didn't react badly- I don't know wtf this chick was thinking accepting another date if she only wanted to be friends.

 

She led you on, and you had a right to be upset over that.

[green_tea]

H, you didn't react badly- I don't know wtf this chick was thinking accepting another date if she only wanted to be friends.

 

She led you on, and you had a right to be upset over that.

 

That's ridiculous. So you have to decide right away on meeting someone whether you want a relationship with them or not? What happened to getting to know someone to see if feelings develop?

[Hules]

That's ridiculous. So you have to decide right away on meeting someone whether you want a relationship with them or not? What happened to getting to know someone to see if feelings develop?

 

No, no one is suggesting that however there is a thing called mutual respect. If I was unsure about a girl I certainly wouldn't agree to meet her friends. I gave her the opportunity to say "hey look I think we should get to know each other better before I meet your friends.". Instead she insisted that she would rather meet my friends than spend more time alone with me.

 

She then had 3 days into which she could of told me she wasn't interested. She could of left after we had dinner. Instead she chose to hang around for the better part of 5 hours with me and my friends. She then chose to allow me to kiss her (don't even try to suggest she didn't know it was coming, I was very slow and deliberate in my actions she closed her eyes as I moved in).

 

Then has the audacity to go "Hey yeah um I don't like you, but we can totally be best friends forever!".

 

If this situation had been posted in reserve by a girl. The guy would be bashed and called a douchebag (and rightly so) for leading the poor girl on. Oh but when a girl does it, its all so innocent she just wanted to get to know me because she thought I would make a awesome friend. Please thats a double standard if I've ever seen one and its bull****.

 

No one is worth my self-respect and dignity this girl certainly wasn't. Just for the record I was once shy as well too, I still dated but I would still never pull this **** on someone because I know it's a really ****ty thing to do. I have yet to meet a girl who used the "lets be friends line and actually mean it" its just a cop out and adds insult to injury. I did not raise my voice with her I was very calm and composed. Inside I was really quite pissed off, just like she has every right not to like me she has no right to expect friendship of me (if she did mean it which I very much doubt.).

Edited April 2, 2011 by Hules

[NoMagicBullet]

I gave her the opportunity to say "hey look I think we should get to know each other better before I meet your friends.". Instead she insisted that she would rather meet my friends than spend more time alone with me.

 

She then had 3 days into which she could of told me she wasn't interested. She could of left after we had dinner. Instead she chose to hang around for the better part of 5 hours with me and my friends. She then chose to allow me to kiss her (don't even try to suggest she didn't know it was coming, I was very slow and deliberate in my actions she closed her eyes as I moved in).

 

Then has the audacity to go "Hey yeah um I don't like you, but we can totally be best friends forever!".

 

 

Having this additional information makes things a lot clearer as to why you are upset. Given this, I understand why it feels like she led you on, and I would be upset, too. Don't feel stupid for kissing her -- it sounds like it would have been the perfect time for that first kiss. You handled the situation well, and she handled it poorly.

 

However, I doubt she intended to deceive you; from your description of her behavior over the 3 dates, I get the impression that she has a lot of uncertainty (maybe not just about the two of you, but also about herself) and likely lacks dating experience. It's great that you've done the work to get past your shyness, but I'm guessing she has a long way to go in developing her social skills.

 

So it goes with dating, online & IRL. People screw up or act like idiots, and it usually has nothing to do with you. Try not to take it personally, just chalk it up to her inexperience and like green_tea suggested, let it go.

[Hules]

I'm fine now was just a bit upset yesterday. Yeah I know she most likely didn't mean to intentionally deceive me, that doesn't change the fact that her actions were hurtful but I'm trying to not take it personally.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271726/ explains why I used to be shy myself (still am in some regards). I think the whole experience has given me a higher than average sense of empathy for others. It's why I gave this girl a honest chance when most guys would go "pfffft what a waste of time".

 

I'm sure she has her own reason for been shy, most shy people are shy due to some sort of traumatic experience. Please do not take how I post here as how I act in real life. This is how I feel on the inside not how I project myself to others.

 

You would be hard pressed to know that I was upset or angry with you. I am very stoic in nature and would rather beat myself up first than take out my frustration on others.

 

@green_tea

 

Sorry if I came across as been mean yesterday, I was just venting my pent up frustration here rather than keeping it bottled up. I know online dating is very hard, it's really hard for guys odds are stacked up against us.

 

I've been doing it for about the last 3 month's and met some cool people from there I've had to let a few girls down. A few girls have let me down all very respectful and I didn't let it escalate to a point where I could of been leading them to believe that I was interested when I wasn't.

 

All but one took it very well, she ended up saying some god awful things to me but oh well. :\

 

All the other girls that were not interested in me straight up told me "I had fun meeting you but I don't think it would work out between us.". Which to me is a lot more respectful than trying to sugar coat it with talk of fake friendship.

 

The whole softening the blow thing with "lets be friends" doesn't wash with me I really appreciate people been honest with me and to me this speech always comes across as hollow and insincere but thats just me.

 

I think I'm going to give online dating a break for a bit. Was a interesting experiment but it is honestly very emotionally draining. I think I need a little me time to recharge my batteries before jumping back in the ring now.

Edited April 2, 2011 by Hules

[Hules]

So not impressed right now -_______________-

 

3 days after that cluster**** of a night, she texts me "blah blah blah sorry about Friday, I was confused and yada yada yada"

 

I think she is ****ing with me, most likely was seeing another guy as well went out with him on Sat/Sun got shot down and now see's me as a backup plan. Paaalease I'm not that ****ing stupid.

 

Even if there is a small chance she is been sincere, that whole lets be friends speech pretty much killed off any attraction I had for her. *sigh* Which is a real shame because I did like her.

 

Free advice of the day for the ladies: Been indecisive is a major, major turn off.

 

Please excuse me while I go strangle some kittens.

[NoMagicBullet]

Indecisiveness is a turn off for women, too.

 

Funny, but I've had an experience similar to yours. When I was online dating, I tried to arrange a face-to-face date with this guy who seemed really interested, but he'd never follow through with a place, date and time. When I finally said "Okay, I see that you're not really interested in meeting", he finally committed to a coffee date. It seemed to go well, but afterward I got an e-mail that he had met someone a few weeks ago and he wanted to see where it went. Well, thanks for wasting my time! I just replied, "I thought it was something like that." At least he was honest about it, it was only one date (if coffee even counts as a date), he didn't give me the "friends" speech, and he didn't contact me again.

 

I assume you're going NC with this girl. Whatever's going on with her, the fact remains that if she was sufficiently interested in you, she wouldn't have given you the "friends" speech. Sorry about it, Hules, but thanks for sharing this example of bad dating behaviour.

[Hules]

Indecisiveness is a turn off for women, too.

 

Funny, but I've had an experience similar to yours. When I was online dating, I tried to arrange a face-to-face date with this guy who seemed really interested, but he'd never follow through with a place, date and time. When I finally said "Okay, I see that you're not really interested in meeting", he finally committed to a coffee date. It seemed to go well, but afterward I got an e-mail that he had met someone a few weeks ago and he wanted to see where it went. Well, thanks for wasting my time! I just replied, "I thought it was something like that." At least he was honest about it, it was only one date (if coffee even counts as a date), he didn't give me the "friends" speech, and he didn't contact me again.

 

I assume you're going NC with this girl. Whatever's going on with her, the fact remains that if she was sufficiently interested in you, she wouldn't have given you the "friends" speech. Sorry about it, Hules, but thanks for sharing this example of bad dating behaviour.

 

Sorry to hear that and I will never understand why people do it, so bloody rude and disrespectful. I'm starting to think I am a dying breed (at least where I live) is it really that much to ask for some basic common decency?

 

I understand people changing their minds and all but don't waste my time and yours if your not interested! Yeah I'm going NC I don't reward women behaving badly, she will never hear from me again. Besides if I managed to go strict NC with the only girl I ever truly loved 2 days after she broke my heart with a sledge hammer for the last 7 months. This girl has no hope in hell .

[elaina]

She then said "you don't know how you getting home?"

Lol

 

and gave me a bit of a odd look I said "I think ill take the train" I then asked if she wanted to catch up again later in the week she replied "Yes, I think so, I'm still getting to know you" this kinda threw me (what the hell does that mean?).

It means she's still getting to know you. Don't worry, it's not bad. The "think so" is a little something to possibly be concerned about, but I don't think it's a negative statement.

 

I then realized that I think she saw my comment about me not been sure about how to get home as me looking for a green light to go back to her place.

Maybe... I would sorta see it as you didn't have a plan, as in she could be thinking "well how are you planning on getting home then if you don't know how?" I don't know though.

 

(which really was not the case I was genuinely unsure about how I was going to get home because I didn't know the area very well). So with a 30 minute wait for my train (Sunday public transport sucks in my city) I thought I should defuse any misconception she might of gotten from that comment. So I shot her off a quick text saying "Should of taken the tram next train isn't for 30 minutes. I really don't know this area very well :S"

 

She replied instantly with a cheeky text saying "Haha I'm already home! Looks like I win at public transport :p".

That was a good text to send her, and it seems she enjoyed it, and it also answered her earlier question.

 

Thinking I might ask her in a couple of days if she wants to go out again later in the week.

 

Sounds good

Any thoughts/comments/insight from girls (shy girls would be awesome! ) would be much appreciated.

My advice is to definitely text her sometime within 2 days and ask her if she wants to go out again and when would be the best time for her. I think she'd appreciate it. I think she does like you, though yes of course she's still getting to know you. Shy people take longer to get know people and feel comfortable than nonshy people. This isn't a bad thing. Maybe the 3rd date, you could give her a kiss if all goes well?

[Hules]

Haha thanks Elaina, might want to read the rest of the thread though a lot has happened since then, she didn't turn out to be that nice ~_~

[elaina]

Haha thanks Elaina, might want to read the rest of the thread though a lot has happened since then, she didn't turn out to be that nice ~_~

 

Oh. I just read the thread. That's sad... I have no clue though why she would go out on dates with you if she wasn't interested? I have never ever gone on a date or out alone with a guy I was not interested in... I only go alone somewhere with a guy (on a date or whatever) if I'm interested in having a romantic relationship with him.

 

Do you usually have this experience with girls though of them wanting to just be friends?

[Hules]

Oh. I just read the thread. That's sad... I have no clue though why she would go out on dates with you if she wasn't interested? I have never ever gone on a date or out alone with a guy I was not interested in... I only go alone somewhere with a guy (on a date or whatever) if I'm interested in having a romantic relationship with him.

 

Do you usually have this experience with girls though of them wanting to just be friends?

 

It's happened a few times, I'm really attracted to shy girls for some reason (especially smart, shy girls ) I couldn't tell you why, just am. Maybe it's because I used to be shy myself?

 

Mostly later on I found out it had very little to do with me (they actually did really like me) but their insecurities/timing got in the way. All of my exe's have tried to friend zone me. All of them were extremely hurt when I refused to be their friend after the breakup (I just cant do it).

 

I have been told by many people, I look several years younger than I actually am. So generally girls my own age aren't interested in me because they think I look to young (been told this too ).

 

So the girls I end up dating are generally in their very early twenties and I have learned the hard way that as a general rule. They are still finding themselves and do not know what they want (especially in the case of shy girls with very limited experience with guys, relationships etc).

 

It's ok I'm a tough cookie (with a chewy center ) I will keep looking, hopefully I'll find someone.

Edited April 4, 2011 by Hules