StrawHat Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 (edited) Recently broke up with my gf of 2.5 years. One reason involved me moving for grad school a few thousand miles away from her. I didn't see myself able to commit to an LDR while focusing on school nor did I feel that her following me to where I am going to be in the fall would have been conducive to my focus and time. She is a wonderful and beautiful girl, and appreciate everything she did for me and the time spent together. However, I knew that the break was going to come now or later, so I might as well have done it at this point rather than drag her along until some imminent day in the future. I know I sound selfish, but this grad school and future job have been dreams of mine since I was young and to have this opportunity is unbelievable. She understood my intentions, but was clearly destroyed when I brought it up. She thought I was THE one and saw herself with me all through grad school and beyond. But our own ideas (marriage, kids) for the future just could not meet reasonably. So I know that her plans came screeching to a halt at that moment. On the day of the break up (after the initial crying & talk) she asked about still being able to talk to me and helping her with a few things going on in her life. I said I would be ok with that, and offered to keep the lines of communication open between us and agreed to hang out, go on walks to talk and still be on friendly terms. This was about a week ago. I have yet to hear anything via any form of communication. If she wanted to keep all of the above, which I agreed to, isn't it reasonable that she would be more present and accessible to reach? Or is it too soon to re-initiate contact? Is it possible that she came to a realization that trying to be on friendly terms EVER AGAIN would not be good for her? She doesn't have much of a support system, and essentially depended on me for a long period of time. Which is why I feel so bad about not being there for her anymore. I'm done crying about it. I just want to know about her own well-being at this point. Thanks for everyone's input.. Edited March 27, 2011 by StrawHat
Movingthrough Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Recently broke up with my gf of 2.5 years. One reason involved me moving for grad school a few thousand miles away from her. I didn't see myself able to commit to an LDR while focusing on school nor did I feel that her following me to where I am going to be in the fall would have been conducive to my focus and time. She is a wonderful and beautiful girl, and appreciate everything she did for me and the time spent together. However, I knew that the break was going to come now or later, so I might as well have done it at this point rather than drag her along until some imminent day in the future. I know I sound selfish, but this grad school and future job have been dreams of mine since I was young and to have this opportunity is unbelievable. She understood my intentions, but was clearly destroyed when I brought it up. She thought I was THE one and saw herself with me all through grad school and beyond. But our own ideas (marriage, kids) for the future just could not meet reasonably. So I know that her plans came screeching to a halt at that moment. On the day of the break up (after the initial crying & talk) she asked about still being able to talk to me and helping her with a few things going on in her life. I said I would be ok with that, and offered to keep the lines of communication open between us and agreed to hang out, go on walks to talk and still be on friendly terms. This was about a week ago. I have yet to hear anything via any form of communication. If she wanted to keep all of the above, which I agreed to, isn't it reasonable that she would be more present and accessible to reach? Or is it too soon to re-initiate contact? Is it possible that she came to a realization that trying to be on friendly terms EVER AGAIN would not be good for her? She doesn't have much of a support system, and essentially depended on me for a long period of time. Which is why I feel so bad about not being there for her anymore. I'm done crying about it. I just want to know about her own well-being at this point. Thanks for everyone's input.. While she may have legitimate issues that she needs to talk about, you still broke up with her. It will not be easy for her to deal with this and therefore is probably in her healing stage. I wouldn't be surprised if you never heard from her. Girls in general seem to be hit hard in the beginning of a breakup but when they are over it, they are over it. I respect them for being able to do that, i think guys hold onto it a little more maybe due to our egos. Overall the whole lines of communication open thing is just a way to make the breakup "easier" when in reality you are broken up and communication should not be going on anyway. I feel relationships are very black and white, you are either together in each other lives, or not.
optimistgirl Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Strawhat, I'm sure you do care about her well being, but she's going to need some time to grieve the end of the relationship and to emotionally distance herself from you. A week is simply not enough time to get over someone, especially when her world has come to a screeching halt. There are a whole host of emotions that she is going through right now from hurt to anger and it's going to be an emotional rollercoaster for a while. If she maintains a relationship with you right now, when she really wants to be more than just friends, it's going to do her a lot more harm than good and prevent her from getting over you that much faster. It's going to be hard, but you should wait a while... Good luck to you at grad school! Op
danrs Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I would say keep the communication very limited. Every time you do communicate with her, she's going to take it as a sign of hope that you can work things out and she will analyze the communication to the nth degree. She'll try to read a reconcilliation into every message you send, and it will keep her hopes up and keep her from moving on. I think we see here and elsewhere the dumpee always complains when they hear nothing from the ex. "He never cared", "why is he moving on so fast", "didn't I mean anything to him", and "how can he just walk away so easily". But we all know that's almost never the real case that the dumper didn't care, even if it's a case of the Grass is Greener syndrome. And it seems when there is no contact, the dumpee seems able to move on faster, even if they then have doubts about what they meant to you. Be kind, but make certain you are not saying or doing anything that can be misconstrued as you looking to take her back. And if she does move on quickly and start dating, don't dare pop back into her life then just to see why on earth she was able to move on so quickly or to comfort yourself. This was your decision. Do not torment her by using her to ease your possible feelings of guilt, lonliness (missing her), etc.
Author StrawHat Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 Thanks for the responses everyone. It's just a bit frustrating not knowing what's going on over on her side.
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