walp Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 This is something I have never done before.. I guess I am finding myself desperate for advice... This is not something I feel comfortable saying out loud to people who know me. I just celebrated my 10 year marriage anniversary. I am 31 years old, and married this man because I got pregnant. I have a strong value for family, and stayed with him. We carried on, and ended up having 3 kids. They are 9, 7, and 5... I have just continued to pray that I would "fall in love" with him... He has never been able to satisfy me sexually... Having sex with him is really a "chore" that I feel like I need to do... and he LOVES sex!! About 2 years ago, I tried to leave him bacause of many good reasons... verbally abusive, anger problems... I couldn't stand him... but stayed for the kids. He never hit me... but I developed major resentments towards him because of his anger and the way he talked to me. So... 2 years ago I built up the courage to leave him. I went to my mom's to stay and he begged me to come home, and promised to change... Ok, so the last 2 years he has been GREAT. He really did change... He is a great husband... but I don't feel like I love him, and frankly I am sexually frustrated on top of it. I pretend to love him for the sake of our children, our stability, finances, etc... I earn enough money to make it on my own, but I feel like it is so selfish to leave him and put my kids through a divorce.... Anyone been through something similar? I dont know what to do!
You Go Girl Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I don't want to address everything in your thread, but your sexuality jumps out at me like a red flag. Unless you are having affairs, you don't know being married at only 21 and for ten years, that another man would do better sexually with you. I guess my thought is this--why don't you take control of your sexuality and make it happen for you in the bedroom? If you need him to move differently, or whatever the case is, then it is your responsibility to verbally let him know just what does work for you. I see complacency and passivity in your quest for sexual satisfaction. I don't think that is all him. I think that is you, and you need to fix that, no matter what man you are with, as it is your responsibility. If you are ever going to leave him, or not leave him, it doesn't matter, this issue needs to be fixed, and only you can fix it. Even if you did leave him, and I certainly am not suggesting that you do, your problems will follow you wherever they go, because they are yours, not his. Perhaps in the details that you aren't sharing there is something specific he fails to do to please you, but it seems after ten years of marriage you can pretty much insist upon it, assuming it is a behavioral change within his boundary limits. People have to learn to assert themselves wherever and whoever they are with. Why don't you try asserting yourself with your H sexually? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You could learn that not all the problems in your marriage are with your husband. Some, at least this one, appear to lie within you.
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