Where to go from here?

[here4her]

I met a girl a couple months ago. We have the same exact personalities, our interests are a little different, but nothing severe I could enjoy her interests with her. Everything seems to be going well I met her kids, her family, ect... we talked and texted everyday, and would go out or just hang out for a movie once/twice a week. We pretty much agreed we didnt wanna rush anything, but become friends and see where it goes. She has been thro a lot, a Very bad marriage, then started dating a co-worker, who left her after she found out she was pregnant. They been separated over a year, but have a child together and fight all the time regarding parenting time as he never seems to show up on his days. I also think he says things to her to make her feel bad about dating, Yet he left her to be with his ex. They both were recently fired from work and so now shes also unemployed. I see so much in her and feel so bad about her past and what shes been through, She really does deserve so much better, and I would do and say the things I felt she deserved. I would often tell her I missed her, Id send her flowers at home to brighten her day, just really wanted to show her shes worth so much more then she realizes. So about two months pass I notice small changes, I would say I miss you and she would reply but kinda skip the whole I miss you too part. then one night we had plans for a movie night and she blew me off so she could go for a walk with a friend. After that night she seemed very distant I asked her about it and she said it was nothing and she was happy. I let it go, even tho It seemed to get worse over the next couple of days.. seemed like forever but about 4 days later she told me she wanted to still talk, but she didnt feel butterflies the way she thought she should, She said she didnt think there was any chemistry, and didn't feel right about being with me. I been through a lot too and know after my last relationship when I started dating I didnt feel right being I spent the past X amount of years thinking I was going to be with someone else the rest of my life. (I am not sure if thats what is going on with her) anyway I was kinda rude, I tried to be nice but said no I don't wanna be friends, and ended it with that, I was a little hurt and really didnt understand how her feelings changes so quickly I kinda thought she found someone else. A couple days later after thinking about it everyday I did send her a message telling her I was sorry for the way I acted and if she ever needed some thing or someone to talk to I would be there for her. She replied saying she was sorry, and shes not sure why she feels the way she feels, She likes me and likes being around me, but it just feels wrong, and admits maybe her past is affecting her and she just isn't ready for a relationship. We go back and forth with messages and I explain to her about how my feelings were when I started dating again after my last relationship. a couple days pass and she asks me to come over and help her with something at her house. I agree to do it, I went over helped her and then left. I didnt want to linger around the house and make her uncomfortable cause Im really not sure how shes feeling. about 10 min after leaving she texted me saying I could of stayed longer and she wasnt sure why I left so quickly. Next couple of days we send very few quick texts messages back and forth, and then she asks me to join her and her family at a function. I thought about it the whole day wondering if I should go or not. Then thought whats the worst that could happen, So I went again kinda keeping some distance to avoid making it uncomfortable. Following day she texts me asking a pretty simple question I think she would already know the answer to I answer it and she said thanks. that night sends me a pic of something she did. I tell her I was surprised and throw in she deserves dinner and a movie for it, she texts back saying she was tired and laying down. Then a couple hours later texts and says she was bored, I said I guess you should of took me up on that dinner and a movie, she replies I didnt know you meant tonight I would of deff. went. So anyway Im kinda confused and dont really know how to touch this. I dont wanna be stuck in a friends zone. Dont get me wrong I do really like her, but dont wanna persue this and just get hurt cause I feel something she might not. I would love to pick back up where we were and wanted to tell her that but dont wanna make her uncomfortable or seem pushy. I have dated other people but really feel our personalities sync perfectly. I don't think shes seeing anyone else, and noticed when I went over her place to help her she still had the flowers I got her on her table (although they were dead) they were still there I doubt shed keep them if she had someone else in her life. What should I do? Im trying to keep a distance I rarely initiate conversation with her now I want to but I hold back. I use to tell her good night every night but again resist. ahhh I HATE dating! Please help

[kiss_andmakeup]

I'm not going to read that until you throw us a bone and break it up a bit. Paragraphs, dude.

[here4her]

Sorry, It will not let me edit.

CAN A MOD PLEASE DELETE THIS? I'll repost when its deleted.

[somedude81]

Just post it again in a new thread.

 

And for the love of god, type it in word first with proper spacing

[Lucky_One]

I read it.

 

Well, she sounds conflicted. I don't know much about this "friend zone" thing that I read about here (I am in my early 40's, and that just isn't anything I am familiar with).

 

Personally, I think you were right when you told her that you don't want to be her friend. You don't - you want to be her BF, and that is way different.

 

So don't get sucked into being the "doing things for her when she gets in a pinch" guy. If she needs help with someone around the house (non-emergency), then she can find someone else. If she DOES have an emergency (a busted water pipe, a snake in the house, a tree through her roof), I would certainly help her with that (she is a single mother with an infant, after all), and part of being a good human being is helping others who need help.

 

She has recently ended with a guy who got her pregnant and dumped her for someone else, and now she has a lifelong (but adorable) reminder of him staring her in the face 24/7/265. She may feel that she doesn't deserve someone treating her nicely (and of course we all deserve that).

 

I tend to be pretty staight forward, and I would ask her to dinner. If a good time came up towards the end of the evening, I would ask her what she was feeling and thinking about, that you care about her a lot, that you want a romantic R with her, but that you weren't willing to put your heart on the line if she wasn't on the same thoughtwave as you.

[here4her]

Thanks

I understand the post isn't in the best shape and its kinda all over the place!

 

Don't get me wrong, I would be friends with this girl the rest of my life! I know with our personalities we would be great friends, and I strongly believe that a strong friendship foundation is important before building anything on top, But I don't think its a good idea if we are on two different pages.

 

The whole doing things for her, She really doesn't ask. She asked one time for something very simple. I seen her do things that I didn't think she could do and refuse to accept help. She pretty much seems to be out to prove she can do everything by herself!

 

I am very straight forward, and fear that is what got me into this mess. Maybe me being so thoughtful, caring, and open made her feel nervous. It went from a no pressure kind of thing to a something serious thing when she wasn't really feeling that yet.

 

She has sense Invited me out with her and her family and asked me to come visit her 2 times in the past week after all this took place. It makes me feel like there is some kind of feeling there where she wants to see me. I just can't get over her saying "I don't feel any chemistry". I'm not really sure if she meant it the way I took it. Or if it simply meant she doesn't feel that strongly yet (which is 100% understandable) and might take her more time from what shes been thro. She also said she's scared and doesn't want to be hurt, and doesn't feel right dating. All of which could be nice ways of saying no I don't like you, or being honest and needing more time to develop trust, and feelings. She has had a rough past with relationships!

 

I really don't want to ask her to define what she said, cause I think Its best to let things run course and not pressure it. I am trying to read her for signs, but they seem to be all over the place. I just don't want to make a move without being certain its the right one, she has proven to be very special to me and I don't really want to turn my back over something I might have taken the wrong way.