Tube Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I am a married man but have fallen for someone else. Its affecting my marriage as I am distancing myself from my wife. I am unsure whether the other person has feelings of the same kind for me and I am just done in by the whole situation. I was never the kind to turn heads- no one seemed interested or I didnt see signals- I dont know- except one person and I married her. That was 10 years ago this year. Since the middle of last year however I have changed somewhat. Its as if I was living in a dream -under a dark cloud. I have lost a good bit of weight, people are remarking on how well I am looking, my confidence has soared and it seems I am finally starting to live a life. I know this is all very egotistical but its my thread so. Anyhows last year they moved a colleague into my office. We had worked in the same section for years but I never really got to know her. Things were awkward at first - being in the same room for hours on end but we did speak and things took off from there. She went through a bad divorce and there were tearful days but most were blissfully happy with loads of laughs. I have never known a more genuine, honest and warm person than her and to top if off she is stunning. I first noticed that she laughed a lot at my jokes then that she was very complimentry. She paid odd compliments like she liked my handwriting and things - of course my interest was sparked. So months passed - I did ask her out to lunch one time but she was busy so I left it. We became facebook friends as well. We would text back and forth. When Im not in work she would text and say she missed my fun but recently she said she missed me. When she went on holiday one time I arrived into my work and there was a single choclate left by her on my deskchair - she said to put a smile on my face . Anyways an office became free and she had to move. She said that she didnt want to move and would miss my fun. At Christmas I left surprise gifts for her in her room - she texted me and said that she had a wee cry at her desk at my thoughtfulness. Since then we speak most days and have been going out to lunch mostly at her instigation. She has always said that she finds funny attractive and also that finds me very funny (ok not in same sentence but you know what I mean). I have spoken to friends of hers who have said, out of the blue, that she is always talking about me. Strangely enough I also met her mother who said she spent many nights giggling at my facebook antics (she being my work colleague not her mother). Green lights? You might think so. Or maybe Im clutching at straws. We talk about everything she knows my marriage is rocky but has appropriately tried to persuade me to work at it. We talk about her lovelife - she is trying to get together with a guy but he seems to be full on one min and cool the next so (I am getting to a point here- bear with me) she told me over lunch on Friday that she has a lack of confidence in personal issues. I assumed she meant she was afraid to ask a guy out but she said was her looks she wasnt confident about. Now so picture this- here is the most beautiful, genuine, warm, funny and loveable human being in my world saying to me that she was unsure about her looks. She wasnt trying to bag a compliment or doing the whole 'poor me' thing - she was totally exposing her fears to me. I told her that she was stunning - totally beautiful and that she had a heart to match. I told her I hated to hear her put herself down or feel she is not worthy of any man. (PINKs song F*&KING Perfect just popped into my head as I typed this) She blushed but did not seem unhappy that I said that. In fact she positively seemed to be glowing Anyhows I cant remember what happened next as my heart was pounding so much it kinda deafened me. We returned to the office and I went down to see her before going home- I asked her were we ok as I did not want any awkwardness between us. She replied we were and that i was only trying to build her confidence. Over the weekend she has liked a facebook comment that I said 'Wit charm humor I am these' and she has poked me (we poke back and forth too -didnt I say that?) So there you have it - what do I do? Does anyone think I am stuck in the friend zone? Or does everyone just hate me for treating my wife so bad? Am I even in the right Forum?
MarlyStar Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 What is it you want? If she's interested are you going to dump your wife? If she's not interested, are you going to stay married? Was your marriage rocky before she came along, or was it like all decent 10 year old marriages, not fabulous but satisfying? If you were dissatisfied before she came along, how hard did you work to fix it? Or did you just quietly seeth? You know she's not really as wonderful as you are writing, right? You know you are infatuated and your imagination is working overtime, right? You understand that a midlife crisis is a real thing? Even if you dump your wife and marry this woman, it's not going to turn out the way you are fantasizing. Are you just looking for an affair? A marriage you'd dump if someone better comes along is not a bad marriage. A bad marriage is one you'd dump even if you don't have a safety net. The problem in your marriage is you. You are on a disaster course, that train wreck everyone can see coming, but telling you that won't help. You are going to go forward with her if you think you can. You are going to hurtle towards that misery. So there's not much for anyone to say.
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