skt2020 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Hey guys, So i've been doing the whole "acting like we are in a relationship" without the commitment bull***t. and it has only backfired extremely. We have been broken up for a little over a month after 4 years. (high school sweet hearts and mid- 3rd year of college break up). Well, i have been trying the tactic of being sweet, patient, loving, (not begging, but hoping me being "perfect" will show him. stupid, i know). Everything was going well, we saw each other multiple times during the week, cuddled, kissed, said i love you, talked on the phone etc. This last week he had a horrible toothache in the middle of the night and i called 12 diff 24 hr emergency doc's to get him a 3 am root canal. I drove him 1 hr into downtown to get a dentist to open his practice to operate on his tooth and i sat there and held his hand until 6 am, drove back in rush hour traffic and had to go to work at 9 am till 7 pm. Well, last night i had an asthma attack, woke up barely breathing (i have had pretty bad asthma my whole life) and my family members that live close are out of town. I called him asked him if he could help me out and he ended up brushing me off not giving two sh*ts that i was at the ER. I ended up taking myself and i called him when i got out, all he could do was shrug it off. I tried to confront him about it later, i felt used and felt that my emergency was his inconvenience and i felt slapped in the face after the fact we have been acting like a couple the past 2 weeks. We ended up hanging up, i was crying telling him to leave me alone and he was glad to, saying i'm not worth anything to him anymore and to go find a guy who cares because he doesn't anymore and was laughing at me. ( I know when i type this how bad it sounds but i feel numb to the treatment i put up with) Its all a sick sick circle, i wish i could get out of it. I now at least have a reason to not contact him, but i need a little shove, some sense slapped into me. I'm so jaded by friends advice so i am seeking the help of you guys. How can i gain some back bone? I am really bad at being a b*tch. i'm known for being way too nice. But its time i get some dignity back and i need some tips and support!
smudge21 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I don't think you should be looking at how to be a bitch towards this guy as that will mean you keep contacting him, and quite frankly, he'll get off on that. Going NC with him now and staying there will do more damage as I expect he's waiting for you to keep getting in touch, probably even expecting you to come back begging for him. Don't give this POS the time of day ever again. If he tries to contact you then ignore him, totally. You need to get him out of your life for good. He's clearly not worth yours or anyone elses time. Move on, there are better out there. Good luck.
turokturok5 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 don't be a bitch...ask yourself honestly, what is revenge going to get you? satisfaction that you may possibly hurt another human being in the way that they have hurt you? sure you may feel a bit triumphant at the time, but in the long run it'l only slow you down, you'll feel guility for the way you treated him despite the way he treated you and you will end up contacting him and your healing will slow down
2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Revenge is a dish best served up cold, ignore him from now on. 2011
Country_Girl Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 The OP never said anything about revenge...and I think what she means by being a bitch & growing some backbone, she means "no longer being his bitch" which might come across as bitchy to him. OP- If it helps, I was kind of in a similar situation. My break up has been 3 months now, but this last month he was texting/calling/emailing, saying he loves me and misses me. He would call for emotional support, he was feeling down. After 2 weeks of that I kinda blew up at him, saying I can't do this anymore. It wasn't fair to me, he was getting all the benefits of being in a relationship without actually having to be in one. Well, it didn't end there, it was the same vicious cycle for another 1.5 weeks, us not being able to let each other go, still contacting, exchanging I love you's. Finally we both agreed for the zillionth time that we can't do this, I told him it was hurting me, and I think he finally got it. Today will be day 4 of NC for me. I think NC is your best route. I wanted him in my life, I wanted the Low Contact, but to be honest, it was just setting me back. I was crying again for the first time in a month, so I know it set me back emotionally, even though at first it didn't, or maybe I tried to convince myself it didn't effect me. But I guess what fueled me to go NC was reading some similar stories, of people that had their heart strings tugged at for years. Then a year and a half later had to deal with the breakup all over again. The thing is, if you are a part of his life, he doesn't have to choose. He can maintain the status quo and he will be satisfied with that. You probably won't be. Trust me, you don't want to be playing the same song and dance for over a year, it will eat you alive. If he has you as an emotional support, it will be easier for him to get over you. If you hope to get him back, I say NC, that way he's forced to choose. Otherwise, you risk this staying in limbo for god knows how many months or years.
Author skt2020 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 I'm glad you understand what i mean when i said being a b*tch, i just meant not being his personal b*tch. Sorry idk if we are allowed to cuss on here haha. I have so far heard nothing from him, i know i should expect to but the anger is what is pulling me forward. The fact that i was in a dire situation and really truly needed his help and got slapped in the face for it. I really hate this limbo, and i really did start to realize that giving away my heart for free is at the expense of my self worth and dignity. I know i am worth more than that, and everything i have to offer should be cherished. I'm really thankful you shared your story with me because like you, when i hear similar stories i feel stronger. I am definitely going NC, i have a deal with my close friends and i know if i break that NC i will not only let myself down but also my close friends who are trying to support me through this. Its so weird to lose someone who protected you from all the hurt and lifted you higher than anyone else and now they are the one hurting you and you are only left with yourself to be protected from all the pain. Such a mind f*ck.
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