pennyflame Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 It's a matter of opinion. Some people are okay with that and if there partner can deal with that fine. But if you're with someone who isn't either respect it or move on.
pennyflame Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 It's not cheating and anyone who thinks it is has to get a life. It kinda sounds like you've had partners who thought other wise and now you're taking it out on other people but no one relationship is the same. Some people have different a different outlook on that, doesn't mean they are a bad person...
dreamingoftigers Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Fascinating argument. I almost second-guessed myself thinking I was browsing an online gaming forum for teenagers. :lmao: Okay. Thanks. Where would we be without such solid guidance?
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 No.. flirting isn't cheating.. but........ There is flirting and there is flirting I flirt with women all the time..and my wife and child are present.. but it is all in being nice and getting a laugh.. My little 3 year flirts with women too.. The thing with flirting is the intention.. my intention when I flirt with the waitress who is serving our meals (one example) is to bring some lighthearted laughter and friendliness to our meal.. My intention in flirting is never to make their heads turn or arousal or even have any sexual overtones, it is only to be friendly.. If a person flirts with the intention to turn their heads or arousal, or it has sexual overtones then I would consider that totally inappropriate and on the edge of doing something that I would consider cheating.
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 It's wrong and disrespectful to the other person you're with. It is wrong and disrespectful to the other person if that person doing the flirting is aware of their boundary.. if they are not aware of the issue they have with flirting then it isn't disrespectful or wrong.. IMO... unless of course they cross into the sexual territory
Darren Taylor Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Not sure I would call it cheating, but it's definitely inappropriate. It has the potential to create an ugly situation. I wouldn't flirt with someone else while in a relationship because 1)I wouldn't like it if my GF did that with some other guy and 2)This is how affairs start. It may seem like innocent flirting at first, but this is how many affairs start. Why look for trouble?
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 It has the potential to create an ugly situation. What ugly situation are you speaking about ?
Darren Taylor Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 What ugly situation are you speaking about ? Did you read the rest of my post? Affairs start that way. It starts out as harmless flirting, then it leads to more.
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Did you read the rest of my post? Affairs start that way. It starts out as harmless flirting, then it leads to more. Of course I read your post.. you seemed to paint all flirting with your affair brush.. that is why I was inquiring about "what ugly situation" I think you are being a bit presumptuous that just because someone flirts that an affair will start or was even intended.
Author zengirl Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 No.. flirting isn't cheating.. but........ There is flirting and there is flirting I flirt with women all the time..and my wife and child are present.. but it is all in being nice and getting a laugh.. My little 3 year flirts with women too.. The thing with flirting is the intention.. my intention when I flirt with the waitress who is serving our meals (one example) is to bring some lighthearted laughter and friendliness to our meal.. My intention in flirting is never to make their heads turn or arousal or even have any sexual overtones, it is only to be friendly.. If a person flirts with the intention to turn their heads or arousal, or it has sexual overtones then I would consider that totally inappropriate and on the edge of doing something that I would consider cheating. This comes back to how we define flirting. To me, just being fun and friendly is not actually flirting. I do agree it's all about intentions. That's a very good point!
thatdog Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 This comes back to how we define flirting. To me, just being fun and friendly is not actually flirting. I do agree it's all about intentions. That's a very good point! Agreed. I used to be an outrageous flirt apparently. Until it was brought up by my parents of all people when we went to dinner once and my mother jokingly asked if i managed to get the waitress' number! After this i spoke to a few other male and female friends and they all agreed that once they thought about it I was pretty flirty with staff/bartenders etc but it just would seem that way because i often treated them with the same playful familiarity most people reserve for their friends. I think there's two kinds of flirting behaviour: 'icebreaker' flirting and 'I want some attention from you/want to entertain the idea of sleeping with you' flirting. The former is shortlived, usually done with complete strangers and NEVER involves any form of sexual innuendo. If it involves innuendo, inappropriate physical touching, or continues for a regular and protracted period of time then it falls into the latter camp and is certainly NOT OK. I still don't think I would call it cheating, but it definitely falls into the category of behavior that is not appropriate for someone in a committed relationship. **** small addendum. extended non-sexual flirting may be ok with a friend that you have developed a long platonic relationship and comfort with. But only provided that there has been no sexual/emotional past between you and you should still be prepared to give that kind of rapport up if you partner still has any kind of issue with it.
ComputerJock Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Many people here have been here because their SO's started flirting and it grew into an affair. Everyone has an opinion, no one is right, no one is wrong, and everyone is entitled to there opinion without criticism. We are not here to argue, but to help those who are hurting.
Art_Critic Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) Many people here have been here because their SO's started flirting and it grew into an affair. Everyone has an opinion, no one is right, no one is wrong, and everyone is entitled to there opinion without criticism. We are not here to argue, but to help those who are hurting. This thread was a poll... the OP was asking if it was considered cheating by us.. I posted my thoughts... Edited March 28, 2011 by Art_Critic
dreamingoftigers Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 This thread was a poll... the OP was asking if it was considered cheating by us.. I posted my thoughts... You troublemaker, not going with the consenus......
Fugu Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Flirting is not really cheating unless the intent is to initiate a response that might led to something else -- then it's merely the first step on a very long road. But just smiling and getting a little giggly around someone or telling a joke knowing that it might create a buzz, no, that's not cheating. That said, there are lines that should not be crossed. I don't think someone should make it obvious that they're flirting in front of their partner, and I think that anytime flirting can lead to ambiguity about what the intentions may be, then you've gone too far.
seeker2010 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 A year ago, I would have said that flirting is (relatively) harmless. Now I don't think so. In the meantime, I found out that my husband was cheating on me. Then I found out that over at least the three years we had been married, he had been having highly inappropriate 'friendships' with a raft of women, which he called 'flirtations'. All of these had been hidden from me, of course, because "I wouldn't understand". Then I found out that he had been doing this throughout our entire relationship. This has completely floored me. Strangely enough, I have always felt somewhat uneasy in our relationship in that regard, like he wasn't really "there" for me completely, and IMHO, this 'flirting' confirms it. While I was the fish on the hook, he was trolling for more. All the time. Woman after woman after woman... and many of them I *was* jealous of! And he'd make me feel like a complete jerk because I was "paranoid". He always said he was "just a flirtatious kind of guy and he'd never do anything!" So some of these flirtations got pretty racy, with hot chat, etc, and eventually one of them went way, way, way too far, right to the full deal. He never quit, BTW, he was caught. He now says he will never do this again, that he's learned his lesson, etc, but at the same time he acts angry about my asking him what was up with these women. I can't really find it in my heart to believe that this was a mistake. When I hear about how long it went on for and how many there were and how carefully they were hidden, I don't have a lot of hope for real change. I think it's only a matter of time before he starts again--I think it's a flaw in his character. So there's flirting and there is flirting. My rule now is that if you are doing something you think you'd have to downplay or explain to your SO, you'd better ask yourself what exactly are you really up to? My take on it is that if I *really* was that important to my husband, then why did he place the value of our relationship so far below all these cheap flirtations? Why did he continue (and lie to me and make me feel like it was all my fault) when there was stuff going on? It seems to me that his constant flirtations indicate that I meant little to him.
seeker2010 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Flirting is not really cheating unless the intent is to initiate a response that might led to something else -- then it's merely the first step on a very long road. But just smiling and getting a little giggly around someone or telling a joke knowing that it might create a buzz, no, that's not cheating. That said, there are lines that should not be crossed. I don't think someone should make it obvious that they're flirting in front of their partner, and I think that anytime flirting can lead to ambiguity about what the intentions may be, then you've gone too far. And if you are hiding your flirtations, then you probably have already gone too far.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 A year ago, I would have said that flirting is (relatively) harmless. Now I don't think so. In the meantime, I found out that my husband was cheating on me. Then I found out that over at least the three years we had been married, he had been having highly inappropriate 'friendships' with a raft of women, which he called 'flirtations'. All of these had been hidden from me, of course, because "I wouldn't understand". Then I found out that he had been doing this throughout our entire relationship. This has completely floored me. Strangely enough, I have always felt somewhat uneasy in our relationship in that regard, like he wasn't really "there" for me completely, and IMHO, this 'flirting' confirms it. While I was the fish on the hook, he was trolling for more. All the time. Woman after woman after woman... and many of them I *was* jealous of! And he'd make me feel like a complete jerk because I was "paranoid". He always said he was "just a flirtatious kind of guy and he'd never do anything!" So some of these flirtations got pretty racy, with hot chat, etc, and eventually one of them went way, way, way too far, right to the full deal. He never quit, BTW, he was caught. He now says he will never do this again, that he's learned his lesson, etc, but at the same time he acts angry about my asking him what was up with these women. I can't really find it in my heart to believe that this was a mistake. When I hear about how long it went on for and how many there were and how carefully they were hidden, I don't have a lot of hope for real change. I think it's only a matter of time before he starts again--I think it's a flaw in his character. So there's flirting and there is flirting. My rule now is that if you are doing something you think you'd have to downplay or explain to your SO, you'd better ask yourself what exactly are you really up to? My take on it is that if I *really* was that important to my husband, then why did he place the value of our relationship so far below all these cheap flirtations? Why did he continue (and lie to me and make me feel like it was all my fault) when there was stuff going on? It seems to me that his constant flirtations indicate that I meant little to him. Attachment problem. Check out some EMDR for him. Usually it is childhood linked and he won't be able to alter his own brain circuitry at the drop of a hat. It isn't about how important or not you are to him. He is not great with his judgment.
betterdeal Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 By flirting what do people mean? Being tactile? Being sensuous? If so, I have no problem with being tactile or sensuous. If they are thinking about that person when they're with me, if they use that person for emotional or sexual release, that's when they've gone over the threshold that makes me upset. I won't play second fiddle to anyone's tune. It's more about jealousy - fear of loss - than anything for me.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I wouldn't call it cheating but I definitely wouldn't appreciate my GF flirting with other men. It'd be enough for me not to take her seriously anymore, and just keep her around for fun and sex.
sniffys Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 yes it is. i ..used to be a serial cheater. it would begin in phases when my s.o. would neglect me either unintentionally or intentionally and i would begin to look for praise elsewhere. it seems harmless at first but it can quickly escalate into something else. as for marriage, i think this should be completely avoided.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 So what helped you to stop being a serial cheater?
Memphis Raines Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I hold myself to a standard that within a relationship, flirting is cheating. Do others? I've never had it be a problem with any of my BFs (they seemed to feel the same, though I never "impose" it as a rule on them, as I know some flirting is harmless to some people), so I'm guessing at least some others do. I was wondering on others thoughts. I do. Because if one is flirting, they are showing an interest in someone else. Call it testing the waters, seeing what may happen. whoever said there is no hurt in a little flirt are obviously the flirters.
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