SandyFall Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Would you start a LDR if you didn't have an exact or even approximate endpoint? Let's say you and your SO want and plan to reunite eventually in the same location. But what if you don't really know when that time will be? The reason why I ask is because I'm in a situation currently where we may end up reuniting 1 year from now, 2 years, 3 years, or even 4 years. Due to school and work, our opportunities to reunite will be in yearly intervals (eg. summer 2012, summer 2013, etc). There's absolutely no way I can predict at this moment which year it will be and to tell you the truth, I'm making myself quite frazzled since I can't see into the future. My family and colleagues continue to remind me to stop stressing right now. They say that I should worry about crossing that bridge when the time comes and be happy that the endpoint at maximum should be no longer than 4 years. I understand what they're saying. However, it would make me feel much more optimistic in general if I could say with certainty when our endpoint is. Any opinions on this topic? FWIW, my SO and I are less than 1000 mi apart.
Faded_x Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I was in exactly the same situation when I first started my relationship. I was (well, still am) at uni, and he had work where he lived. I wasn't sure whether it would be 1, 2, 3 or 4 years away. It could possibly have been longer, depending on what happened when I graduated (I was doing education, and where I live, teachers are sometimes posted at certain locations rather than having a choice). It's obviously a lot more difficult when you don't have a definite end date in mind, but I found it quite easy to go with the flow at the beginning. I didn't see the point of worrying that much about what would happen in the future, when we'd barely even had a chance to spend time together and see if we were compatible enough. I agree with your family and colleagues; there's no point in worrying about the future right now. I think that will only put strain/stress on your relationship. Enjoy it for what it is now, and think about the future when it gets a bit closer.
HeavenOrHell Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Once you're an established couple and both want to stay together long term I think an approximate end date is important, unless you are the sort of person who is ok with the future being vague and can carry on like this indefinitely. Me and my partner have a rough time scale, no more than 18 months-2 years, (been together a year), I would struggle if it was 4 years, but then I'm in my 40's, I might feel differently in my 20's.
folieadeux Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 My boyfriend and I are also less than a thousand miles apart and have NO concrete end date in sight. We've always been long distance. It's really infuriating at times and I'm getting impatient.
Author SandyFall Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 My boyfriend and I are also less than a thousand miles apart and have NO concrete end date in sight. We've always been long distance. It's really infuriating at times and I'm getting impatient. But do you have a rough estimate? Or is it indefinite right now? In my situation and opinion, 4 years is a long time. If I have to wait 4 years to reunite with my SO, I'm unsure if I can do it. One year wouldn't be a big deal at all. I think I could handle 2 years. Three years would be pushing it.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 i personally want an approximate endpoint and goals/plans of meeting in between
folieadeux Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 But do you have a rough estimate? Or is it indefinite right now? In my situation and opinion, 4 years is a long time. If I have to wait 4 years to reunite with my SO, I'm unsure if I can do it. One year wouldn't be a big deal at all. I think I could handle 2 years. Three years would be pushing it. We both agreed we wouldn't do it for another year. However, that's only a very rough estimate and anything can happen. I hate not having anything set in stone, but understand too that it's hard in these circumstances to establish one where there are so many other variables in play. For my boyfriend and I, it all depends on work right now and work only. So in a way, I realize we're lucky, I was just having a bad day yesterday.
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