found_it_myself Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Hi, everyone. This is my first post here, but I'm looking for any feedback and advice I can get regarding attempting/suggesting a semi-open relationship. (In case it matters, I'm 19 and female.) I've been close friends with a girl named Lily for about a year now, during which she was in an open relationship and living with her boyfriend. The three of us had a few threesomes, but generally just hung out together. I grew to very much love and care about Lily, and became increasingly saddened and helpless that she was staying with her boyfriend after multiple discoveries of him violating the terms of their relationship (sleeping with her friends without prior consent). However, it seems she has finally had enough, because she broke it off a couple weeks ago. Now she is moving out and needs a place to stay, so immediately offered one of the rooms in my apartment which she gratefully accepted. From the start of our relationship, Lily has told me that she is crazy about me and would love to be my girlfriend if she hadn't been attached. However, my problem is that the guy I've been seeing for three months (Jackson) told me last night that he'd like to start dating me exclusively, because he realized that he is happier being around me than anyone else. I'd love to date him for the same reason, yet I feel the same way about Lily. Jackson and I haven't had the chance to talk about this in person yet, but he's coming over on Monday and I'll need to bring it up then since Lily will be moving in soon. When he and I first started seeing each other, open relationships were discussed in passing and he mentioned that he doesn't have a problem with them, but has never seen an example of one that worked long-term. I know that Lily would be happy with an open relationship arrangement, but how do I suggest it to Jackson? I very much care about him and can easily see myself falling in love with him. I definitely don't want him to feel like there's anything lacking in him that makes me want to date her (and I would only be interested in being with Lily and Jackson, no one else), but I don't know how to assure him of that. It's simply a matter jumbled timing, unfortunately. If Jackson doesn't feel comfortable with the idea, how should I handle the situation? Eeek! If anyone has any ideas that could help, please let me know.
Nexus One Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Lady Gaga for example is bisexual. In an interview she mentioned that her biggest issue when it comes to relationships was that guys would be happy to have a relationship with her, but without an extra person. I think you might run into the same issue and the reason is that if he's in love with you, then he's in love with YOU and not anyone else. Open relationships and love triangles can work, but I think you'd have to be a master of romance and social situations to make it work. I've only ever known one girl who pulled it off successfully.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 As a bisexual who has had similar situations I can relate to this. You need to let Jackson meet Lily. They have to get to know eachother and be comfortable with eachother. Since it's like you and him and her are in something like a polygynous marriage. (There are websites that speak about the issues in such arrangements that you might find useful too.) Once they have gotten to know eachother you can have a genuine three person relationship. Just like with two people everyone needs to get to know eachother a bit. Perhaps have a meal with the two of them in the apartment...almost like a sort of date. However be prepared for the possibility that they may not like eachother. In which case that just won't work. Good Luck.
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Being bisexual has nothing to do with this really, its about choosing one or the other. Same case if it were two women you were interested in, or two men, at the same time. Just seems you're more into the open relationship thing rather than one on one, monogamy. And that's okay, as long as everybody is on board and understands the rules. Sadly though, keep in mind you may have to choose one or the other if your guy isn't into this idea of sharing you with someone else, even if it is with another female.
Macaw Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I'd ease him up to the news. 1) Tell him that you have a friend in need of a place to stay coming in to live with you. Do not tell him you two had a romantic history together unless he specifically questions it. 2) Introduce them to each other for a day. Let them know each other. When he leaves for the night, ask Lily what she thought of him, and if she wants to be in a 3-way relationship, or at least share you with him. 3) After a day or two goes by since Jackson and Lily met for the first time (or more if you're busy) get into someplace private with Jackson, alone, and tell him the whole story. Tell what Lily thought of him and wheather she's open to having threesomes with him or not. Then see how it goes from there. Good luck.
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