siuys Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Hi all It's been a while since I've been on LS. Wasn't going to post but need to let it out... hopefully someone can learn from this. Met and been with xMM for just over a year. During this year he flipped and flopped – going back to his wife, not going back, going back, not going back, then asked for a break for 6 months, then came back. Then moved back with wife, then told me he was moving out... then latest, 'I am not ready to be in a relationship'... let me tell you, i NEVER thought one can waver this much! It's like come on! Anyway, I don't even want to go into all the details it's so f*cked up so I won't. You can read all the dysfunctional crap in my previous posts if interested. It's been 10 days since I broke it off. Had had enough. I didn't even cry. I was angry for a bit, but today, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel quite happy!!!! I feel like myself again, and I feel like I've gotten rid of some toxic growth in my body! My sleep came back in a matter of days, and am feeling much better all round. I did waver and wanted to contact him once, but my good friends took care of that one! All I am saying is that for those of you involved with a MM and thinking and hoping he is really leaving, don't even go there. It's easier said than done I know when you're all in love and stuff. Let this story be another wake up call for you and good luck. I feel free! Free of pain and anxiety of wanting to be with a married person (he was separated for 6 months mind you, which I now know means absolutely NOTHING). I look back and wonder what got into me! Since it's still early days I am sure I will have down days still but blimey, for the first time I feel so good! I've forgotten what that feels like!!!!!
desertIslandCactus Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Hi all It's been 10 days since I broke it off. Had had enough. I didn't even cry. I was angry for a bit, but today, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel quite happy!!!! I feel like myself again, and I feel like I've gotten rid of some toxic growth in my body! My sleep came back in a matter of days, and am feeling much better all round. I did waver and wanted to contact him once, but my good friends took care of that one! I feel free! Free of pain and anxiety of wanting to be with a married person (he was separated for 6 months mind you, which I now know means absolutely NOTHING). I look back and wonder what got into me! Thanks so much for your update Siuys. This is what I've been trying to say to some others, regarding breaking up and NC. A good NC happens when you have had enough and when you are ready. Then it is successful, and with a feeling of strength, freedom. And as if a burden has been lifted. To return to the woman you were beforehand. Since it's still early days I am sure I will have down days still but blimey, for the first time I feel so good! I've forgotten what that feels like!!!!! I wish you the best.
TurboGirl Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Wow I know how hard that was for you. It's almost like you can't believe somone can flip flop like that! Good for you, I am glad that you went NC. Hope that you continue to feel better and move forward with your life!
fooled once Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Hi all It's been a while since I've been on LS. Wasn't going to post but need to let it out... hopefully someone can learn from this. Met and been with xMM for just over a year. During this year he flipped and flopped – going back to his wife, not going back, going back, not going back, then asked for a break for 6 months, then came back. Then moved back with wife, then told me he was moving out... then latest, 'I am not ready to be in a relationship'... let me tell you, i NEVER thought one can waver this much! It's like come on! Anyway, I don't even want to go into all the details it's so f*cked up so I won't. You can read all the dysfunctional crap in my previous posts if interested. It's been 10 days since I broke it off. Had had enough. I didn't even cry. I was angry for a bit, but today, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel quite happy!!!! I feel like myself again, and I feel like I've gotten rid of some toxic growth in my body! My sleep came back in a matter of days, and am feeling much better all round. I did waver and wanted to contact him once, but my good friends took care of that one! All I am saying is that for those of you involved with a MM and thinking and hoping he is really leaving, don't even go there. It's easier said than done I know when you're all in love and stuff. Let this story be another wake up call for you and good luck. I feel free! Free of pain and anxiety of wanting to be with a married person (he was separated for 6 months mind you, which I now know means absolutely NOTHING). I look back and wonder what got into me! Since it's still early days I am sure I will have down days still but blimey, for the first time I feel so good! I've forgotten what that feels like!!!!! Hi Siuys. Glad you are doing okay. So glad you posted -- so many others who are in your situation need to see the 'reality' for what it is. Not that many leave, many flip flop and many stay put. Each day you are getting stronger and stronger. I think you have finally gotten to the point of ENOUGH already! GOOD for you!
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 It's been 10 days since I broke it off. Had had enough. I didn't even cry. I was angry for a bit, but today, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel quite happy!!!! I feel like myself again, and I feel like I've gotten rid of some toxic growth in my body! My sleep came back in a matter of days, and am feeling much better all round. I did waver and wanted to contact him once, but my good friends took care of that one! Hi S, nice to see you do an update, was wondering how things were with you. Glad to hear you're feeling better all around. Sounds like you're on a healthier path for yourself! All the best.
datura_noir Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 He sound sounds very innefectual as a person...not able to make a decision and be confident of it. Has not come to that point in his life where he is the master of his own destiny. Fortunately for you, you have matured past the point of "which cookie tastes yummier?" It seems strange, but I as a happily married woman keep running into these great younger single men by the dozens (most of them knew my daughters, who are now out of town). Maybe they aren't so great, maybe they are. But who knows?? They are single and ready and willing to embark on a relationship. I myself feel like a mother to them, and try to guide them to suitable women whenever I can. If you are ever in the north east US, and wish to meet up with some great self sufficient and single guys, please PM me. I don't know how old you are, but I think that an age range of 27-40 can cover a lot of bases??
MLC64 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Ok, I need to thank you!!! I really needed to read this as I am embarking on NC for the first time....(well first time I really am going to give it my all). I never was told my MM would leave his wife but I can't take the rollercoaster ride anymore. It is nutty and has turned me into someone I am not. I am exhausted from the tears today and self loathing...but hopefully tomorrow will be better....I am so gald you are feeling great, it gives me (and I am sure others trying NC) a lot of hope. tx again...
mizliz Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Yay, sweetie! I read the relief in your post. So happy for you! Liz
Author siuys Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 He sound sounds very innefectual as a person...not able to make a decision and be confident of it. Has not come to that point in his life where he is the master of his own destiny. Nope he is indecisive. I know he is a mess. I don't care anymore. Have fun being a mess. I want no part of it anymore. Fortunately for you, you have matured past the point of "which cookie tastes yummier?" It seems strange, but I as a happily married woman keep running into these great younger single men by the dozens (most of them knew my daughters, who are now out of town). Maybe they aren't so great, maybe they are. But who knows?? They are single and ready and willing to embark on a relationship. I myself feel like a mother to them, and try to guide them to suitable women whenever I can. If you are ever in the north east US, and wish to meet up with some great self sufficient and single guys, please PM me. I don't know how old you are, but I think that an age range of 27-40 can cover a lot of bases?? Thanks but I am happy to be on my own for a while after all that! Plus am not in the US!
Author siuys Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 Ok, I need to thank you!!! I really needed to read this as I am embarking on NC for the first time....(well first time I really am going to give it my all). I never was told my MM would leave his wife but I can't take the rollercoaster ride anymore. It is nutty and has turned me into someone I am not. I am exhausted from the tears today and self loathing...but hopefully tomorrow will be better....I am so gald you are feeling great, it gives me (and I am sure others trying NC) a lot of hope. tx again... I am so glad I can be of help. Stay strong. You will probably waver but hopefully you will stay strong enough to stop all contact for good. The roller coaster ride is indeed VERY nutty! At least a real roller coaster ride is fun! I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who was also involved with a MM but pulled the plug after about 8 months. 2.5 years on he is still there. Yes, he is miserable. But he is still there. I honestly sometimes wonder why men don't leave. To be honest, not many are that strong I realise. Mine? An absolute WUSS if you ask me. I have been thinking of getting flip flops for him for his next birthday hahahaha! You know, seriously, my friend and I are both thinking of contact our prospective xMM in two years time. We met a hundred bucks they'll still be there, and if not, it's because their wife left them! Stay strong. Heal and move on! It will be best thing you can do for yourself. All the best.
PorkRinds Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I honestly sometimes wonder why men don't leave. Because they don't want to.
Author siuys Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 Because they don't want to. I think also coz they're **** scared and wimpy, and can't be alone.
MLC64 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 (edited) I think also coz they're **** scared and wimpy, and can't be alone. I have to agree with you 100%, in my MM case anyways. To add that I am the idiot for falling for this guy who is now on his fourth or fifth affair but claims he won't leave b/c he feels he made his choice to marry her and has to suffer with it? Seriously....the only reason he stays and strays is the fact she makes about three times what he does and he like the lifestyle she provides. Bottom line, that is all. Scared, wimpy and can't be alone......couldn't have said it better myself. I am on day two...it sucks and i am going to read as much as I can here to keep strong. I feel sad and missing him is very difficult....I hope I can do it. I want to send an email in response to his last one on Friday.....to state a point but I know it won't serve a purpose. It just doesn't matter, he has hurt me enough. I almost wrote it but came here....sheesh....so glad you are all here. Edited March 27, 2011 by MLC64 can't spell worth crap today....
Author siuys Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 I have to agree with you 100%, in my MM case anyways. To add that I am the idiot for falling for this guy who is now on his fourth or fifth affair but claims he won't leave b/c he feels he made his choice to marry her and has to suffer with it? Seriously....the only reason he stays and strays is the fact she makes about three times what he does and he like the lifestyle she provides. Bottom line, that is all. Scared, wimpy and can't be alone......couldn't have said it better myself. I am on day two...it sucks and i am going to read as much as I can here to keep strong. I feel sad and missing him is very difficult....I hope I can do it. I want to send an email in response to his last one on Friday.....to state a point but I know it won't serve a purpose. It just doesn't matter, he has hurt me enough. I almost wrote it but came here....sheesh....so glad you are all here. MLC, whatever you do, do not write anything to him. Believe me, there are still moments I want to make a point, tell him this, or that. What is it going to achieve? You will have opened the door to more pain. To him treating you like crap. To him thinking he can do anything and you'll just sit there and take it. So don't do it. You know, my xMM actually ADMITTED that he was scared and afraid to be alone. He is not the only man I know who would admit that. Obviously not all men are like this. But he is. And that's enough for me to know. A friend said to me it's good that i went NC. You know, the difference this time is I don't see it as NC anymore. It's over so naturally when it's over in a situation like this would be NC. No other alternative. Stick to NC. Good luck.
26pointblue Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 You know, my xMM actually ADMITTED that he was scared and afraid to be alone. He is not the only man I know who would admit that. Obviously not all men are like this. But he is. And that's enough for me to know... My MM has said that too. I think there are many men who don't want to be alone. [And women - but it seems more prevalent among men.] My MM says he likes being in a relationship & having a partner & wouldn't know what to do if it was just him all alone. I was really shocked when he admitted that because I think a lot of people feel that way but don't admit it? For me I prefer being in a relationship but I'm not afraid to be alone. I think many men, especially men who have been married for a long time, are. I've read studies that show that marriage benefits men more than women. And that after a divorce a man tends to wilt while a woman tends to blossom. Of course these are generalities & there are exceptions but I think men like the comfort & security of a relationship, which is ironic because we women are the ones given the reptuation for wanting to tie a man down & rush towards commitment etc. ;-)
26pointblue Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I have to agree with you 100%, in my MM case anyways. To add that I am the idiot for falling for this guy who is now on his fourth or fifth affair but claims he won't leave b/c he feels he made his choice to marry her and has to suffer with it? Seriously....the only reason he stays and strays is the fact she makes about three times what he does and he like the lifestyle she provides. Bottom line, that is all. Scared, wimpy and can't be alone......couldn't have said it better myself. I am on day two...it sucks and i am going to read as much as I can here to keep strong. I feel sad and missing him is very difficult....I hope I can do it. I want to send an email in response to his last one on Friday.....to state a point but I know it won't serve a purpose. It just doesn't matter, he has hurt me enough. I almost wrote it but came here....sheesh....so glad you are all here. Wow, what did you see in this guy? I'm not trying to poke fun at you, I am just seriously wondering. This guy who mooches off his wife has been able to find four or five women willing to be his OW? Someone commented in my thread that it must be the size of his . . . um . . . equipment . . . so in your case maybe that compensates for the lack of money, ha ha. I know how much NC sucks & I feel for your pain of missing him. I think that whenever you feel down you should just remember the bolded part & anything else negative about him [mainly the fact that he's married & never ever leaving his $ugar momma wifey, ha ha, & realize you can do better. :-) And to the OP thank you for posting your update & I'm glad you are ready to move on once & for all! Best wishes.
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