lost and alone Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Being seeing someone for like a little over 2 months now and we arent dating yet. Not because i dont want to but he says he isnt ready. Now when we first started talking we both shared how we wanted to find someone we could be with and make each other happy. Now 2 months later I feel like he is only wanting sex. He says he isnt says he isnt talking to anyone but me nad likes me and cares about me I just need to be patient and it will come but yet it seems like if I tell him no when he wants to fool around like im a bad person and he keeps pushing it until i give in and give him what he wants but yet if I mention that I feel thats all he wants I am pushing him and he just needs time. I do not know what to do. I am a single mom with 3 kids I have been used and treated like crap by every guy I have every dated. I just dont want to lose him if i am asking to much but I also dont want to feel like that all I am. He wont meet my friends. I havent meet his. He says its not time yet. WTH. I have never been with someone who was like this before. Pleasae give me advice before I lose my mind.
LostMyHeart Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Hi lost and alone - so sorry for what you are going through here. From what I am understanding here, the two of you are not going out on dates, he's not wanting to meet your friends nor introduce you to his friends. But yet, it sounds like the two of you are having sex. First off, it's up to you to put a stop to his behavior and treatment of you. Second, are you sure he isn't married? If a man has been seeing you for two months for only sex and doesn't want a real relationship, you are not the bad person and you need to stop giving in and giving him what he wants. While you don't want to lose him, I have to ask...what are you really losing at this point?? You may want to do some reading here on this site....may help you with letting this guy go and understand how women get into these situations and get treated like crap by certain types of men. http://www.baggagereclaim.com/ Hang in there and find your strength.
geegirl Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 (edited) It's been 2 months. No dates. Just sex. You haven't met one friend nor has he met your friend(s). You give. He takes. You fulfill his expectations and needs while he tells you to hold off on yours until "it" comes. He likes you and cares about you only enough to just have sex with you. He doesn't see you worthy enough to even introduce you to his circle but you're good enough to have sex with. You don't want to lose him because you feel you don't deserve better. Any man is better than no man. You settle to just be with someone, doesn't matter if it does not fulfill you or nourish you, you just sit and repress all that discomfort just to have someone there. Maybe you have co-dependency. You said every guy you ever dated has treated you like crap. You're used to crappy and settle for crappy because that is all you have been exposed to. I've been in two crappy relationships back to back. It has beaten my self-esteem to a pulp but I am working through therapy, self-help, and planning a life that revolves only around me. One thing I can safely say is that if your INSTINCTS are telling you something, and it is something you don't like, LISTEN TO IT. Also, if he isn't ready, you should have BOUNDARIES. He gets to have his cake and eat it too and you're sitting there feeding it to him. What do you expect and want/need from a relationship? What type of relationship do you want? What kind of partner do you want? What values do you have and expect your partner to have? What type of partner do you want for your kids? When you have these answers, ask yourself if this is working for you. The fact that you are questioning it in itself is your answer. If your daughter was being treated this way by a man who just wanted sex from her and is not giving her anything more than just some nice words about caring and liking, what would you tell her? Edited March 26, 2011 by geegirl
Author lost and alone Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 (edited) Ok we have gone on dates. He just doesnt want to be my boyfriend. He comes over here has dinner with me and the kids. We have gone out togehter. Not so much in the town we live in since there is nothing to do in this small town. But on a date yes. Not just sex but everytime we see eachother there is always sex. he says he likes me and cares about me and I am wanting more and he knows that. He says it is not just sex for him but he doesnt show it. Thank you guys for your input. Yes I have no self estem and my worst insercurity is that I am not good enough or do not deserve better. I think I need to just let him go any do some me time and fix myself before trying to envolve someone else in my life. Edited March 26, 2011 by lost and alone
geegirl Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 So he puts in the bare minimum and gets sex and that's as far as he can go. He said he does not want to be your boyfriend. When a man tells you what you don't want to hear, again, listen. He gets his needs met. That is all it is. He throws you a few words about how he likes and cares and gives you a few crumbs such as a date here and there and dinner with your kids to keep you hanging on to him. I'm not even sure why you exposed this man so soon to your kids. In any case, look at his actions, not his words.
geegirl Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 How about you tell him that from now on, you don't want to have sex and to just spend time getting to know each other. This way he can prove that it is not all about sex and that he cares about you enough to spend this time to get more insight into whether you two are right for each other. Maybe he can use this time to also find out if he really wants or is ready for an R or maybe this "quality time" will help him decide if he wants or can be in an R with you.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Geegirl has it on point. You are letting him use you, and you are settling for words instead of actions. When a guy says he wont be your bf, wont meet your friends, and wont take pride in you, it means you are a booty call to him. You will never get a relationship from this guy, he doesnt see you that way. So you can keep getting sex only from him, or cut him off and find someone who is interested in you. Its alot harder when you have three kids, but you have to put in work to get the type of guy you want.
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