Being alone is better than compromising ones self for a relationship.

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't know man. Whenever I tell people I'm in foreign policy research and analysis, I always get all kinds of questions, especially now with the whole Libya thing going on. You want to talk about stuff most Americans don't know about? Other countries is where you begin. So I kind of feel your pain here.

 

I never get annoyed though. Even if someone thinks they know more than I do, but it is funny listening to the stuff some people believe. Once I had to struggle to keep a straight face as a girl insisted that the Soviet Union still existed.

[fishtaco]

Once I had to struggle to keep a straight face as a girl insisted that the Soviet Union still existed.

 

In Soviet Russia, straight face keeps you!

 

Anyway she sounds hot.

[Mrlonelyone]

I don't know man. Whenever I tell people I'm in foreign policy research and analysis, I always get all kinds of questions, especially now with the whole Libya thing going on. You want to talk about stuff most Americans don't know about? Other countries is where you begin. So I kind of feel your pain here.

 

I never get annoyed though. Even if someone thinks they know more than I do, but it is funny listening to the stuff some people believe.

 

What you go through is probably pretty simmilar. To get you to the level of disconnect with everyday experience I'm talking about... Suppose you met someone who did not know what a "country" or "government" was. :|

 

Yet they still took offense to being told that the USSR didn't exist.

 

That's what does me in... What I deal with is far removed from the everyday human scales. Either very long or very short time periods. Very large or very very small distances. Objects as large as the whole universe...and smaller than a proton.

 

It makes my head ache to think about all of it sometimes.

 

Once I had to struggle to keep a straight face as a girl insisted that the Soviet Union still existed.

 

 

Trust me I would defer to your expertise on international relations.

 

I know enough to know what I don't know about.

 

@fishtaco.

 

It's not so much wanting to date the ID person. It's that TBH allot of people don't want to date someone who's not well liked...or controversial. The ID people and young earth bibilcal litteralist are a large enough block that they can make life hard.

 

ie. I 'm at a party. I am unfortunate enough to approach a young earth creationist woman (a 50/50 chance of that)... they hear what I do and that I don't think Genesis is the literal truth.

 

I have had such people...since I was a snot nosed kid interested in science... start a whisper campaign against me. I'll be across the room talking to someone else...getting a good vibe from this woman.

 

Then the creationist chick and perhaps one other friend will corner the woman I was talking to... tell her something or the other... suddenly she's not interested any more.

 

This has happened more times than I can count.

 

In my dealings with men this does not happen, of course.

Edited March 27, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[fishtaco]

Yet they still took offense to being told that the USSR didn't exist.

 

And the LHC will create a blackhole and kills us all! Oh the humanity! Remember that one? Some douche actually filed a lawsuit of some sort to attempt to stop the operation of LHC.

 

ie. I 'm at a party. I am unfortunate enough to approach a young earth creationist woman (a 50/50 chance of that)... they hear what I do and that I don't think Genesis is the literal truth.

 

Yes, and this is where the magic of having a giant social life and you can pull in high quantities of strangers will help balance the equation.

 

It's a number game. If you're not getting what you want, you can increase the percentage (self improvement) or you can increase the quantity. I say do both.

 

You will ALWAY get nay-sayers. When I get turned down, for any reason, I just shrug and hit on the next one. At least you get a reason, in your example, having to do with your job/passion or something. Most of the time I don't even know why. And I don't care why. If it's a no, it's a no.

 

The last woman I hit on before I stopped multidating was this hot girl. She's out and about and I see her with different men all the time. So I figure, why not, I want to be part of her harem too. Plus my friend said he'll give me 10 bucks if I managed to get her on a date. She turned me down. Don't know why, don't care either. Recently she's with a pretty boy. But I've seen her with dorks too. In fact, one of the guys that was previously part of her harem, and was probably dropped, got drunk, and we ran into each other at a 24 hour restaurant after hours, and he started a drunken rant about what magic I used to get all the women to like me. So I guess he thought I was a player. The funny thing is, I thought he was a player. I guess grass is always greener.

 

So using him as a measuring stick, I don't believe I'm out of her league. Even though when I hit on someone, that's the first mental block I have to conquer -- get the league concept, at least temporarily, out of my head, so I can do the dog and pony show.

 

I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks because of work and getting sick, so I haven't been out. But I wouldn't be surprised to see her with someone else next time I run into her.

 

And since I didn't give her any grief, she's still pretentiously nice to me as usual. Even gave my hand a little extra squeeze last time I said hello to her. She's the epitome of So-Cal woman. She's hot, she's flirty, she's an attention whore, her fake nice will confuse anyone not used to how the game is played locally, and yes I'd do her.

 

The game, play it. If you put yourself above the game, guys like me will be more than happy to take your spot.

[Mrlonelyone]

I know. With all the filters that are up I just have to talk to that many more women to find one who's a keeper.

[SummersEve]

Just do you...the people who are meant to like you will. So be you. Do you. Put being true to who you are and what you like first.

 

I agree with this, when it comes to matters of substance, of who you really are.

 

But I think the surface things can often be changed for the better. First impression (physical or behavioral), things like pockmarked face, bad teeth, nervous high pitched giggle, coming on too strong or too weak, not in shape, unflattering or embarrassing clothes, bald with too much lunatic fringe... but it doesn't change who they are.

 

The other thing is dating pool changes. Again, it is a change that can help but doesn't go too deep. Like learning to recognize and accept when someone is only into them enough to use them (for sex or money or somebody to hang out with when there's nothing better to do). Kick those out of the pool. Add to the pool by considering different age, nationality, personality type, if they haven't considered it.

 

But on the big things, I agree, be yourself.

Edited March 28, 2011 by SummersEve

[Mrlonelyone]

You know with a screen name your just asking to be called a douche?

 

However you would not deserve that right now. I agree with your reply.

[SummersEve]

You know with a screen name your just asking to be called a douche?

 

However you would not deserve that right now. I agree with your reply.

 

Well, when I signed up I thought it was extremely funny. I could not stop laughing. Now I am having second thoughts, lol.

[ascendotum]

[So you know what society expects of me and that I'm not giving society that. Society sees certain images of black (and American Indian for that matter) people. Images that don't really include higher education.

So a woman will express interest in me a "black" man.. Expecting certain things... then when I quickly prove to not be those things they aren't interested.]

 

Mr.LO - In regards to the above, the women who you express interest in that have difficulty reconciling the fact that you are doing a masters/teach physics, are we talking african american women or caucasian women?

Just curious also given that post you made in respect of white people lynching members of your race. I would not have thought that the majority of university educated black women would have hangs up with you expressing your passion for science.

 

I realise the bulk of the focus here has been on women being put off by your intellect and profession, but you are actually not your 'stereotypical black guy', in other respects. You are upfront on being bisexual and also spent a period in your past as a transexual. Thats certainly some sort of different for women. I would expect some (or most) of the women who have gone cold for you may have no knowledge of this, but I find it hard to believe that the characteristics that made you successful as a female with numerous guys wanting to get in your pants back then, are not going to hamper your success with women now.

I have contracted at numerous companies over the past decade and I notice that the majority of guys that seem to be long term single, are not what women would consider masculine guys.

 

As regards your opening post, short answer is I agree but up to a point. Some give and take is needed for a successful long lasting relationship, as long as its not your core principles.

[Mrlonelyone]

You mention university education.

 

I don't live in a bubble of people who are all BS or BA holders. Only 40% of Americans have an Associates degree or better according to census data. When I go out to socialize at a party or club there is a 60% chance whoever I meet will not be college educated. There is no way to know who has a degree by looking at them either. I see an attractive woman and I approach.

 

Black and white women as well as women have had a problem with my being as into science as I am. Once again I point out OK Cupids data which showed that everyone writes down to black people including other black people. People in the online dating world expect that a black person either will not understand or will not respond to more sophisticated writing and speech. Consider that some people think it's ok to make plastic dolls like these so called "lil homies".

 

http://thatblueyak.blogspot.com/2009/02/homies-toy-fair-and-things-that-people.html

 

http://worstlist.tumblr.com/page/5

 

Yeah there's one in a cap and gown... does that undo the attitude displayed by the stereotypes memorialized with all of them? That such a collection was made not but 5 years ago says we haven't came so far from images like the following. (I found out of these in 2002 or there about when a good friend who was East Indian and his white GF started to collect them. They would hold them up and "talk like black people"... needless to say when I saw this I said it was offensive and they never did that in my presence again.)

 

Like the image on this can of N**** head Oysters (an image so racist that I think it's NSFW) or the so called "Lawn Jockeys".

 

Some black women would react negatively too. For them it's more a matter of their saying that my Midwestern accent means I'm "talking white". Such women have the same problem with my being into science.

 

As for my sexual orientation and gender identity there is no way for a woman to know that by looking at me.

[utterer of lies]

If you read a bit more carefully you would see that I am working on my MS Thesis right now. I also teach undergraduates. So yes I am "in academia".

 

Well, you're simply a student.

 

Which is not a better answer than saying I am a theoretical physicist because it only prolongs what I have found to be an uncomfortable conversation.

 

As for what I am working on right now... here is the title of my thesis.

 

"Cosmology in Context: Current studies of the early universe through astronomy and particle physics, experiments, observations, and theories."

 

That is my thesis right now my committee is reviewing it and the defense may or may not happen in the next quarter.

 

In the meantime I am working independently on a unified theory which accounts for dark matter, gravity and cosmic inflation as a unified framework.

 

I have been accused of both talking down to people and being "grandiose" when I say things like that.[\b]

 

 

But that IS grandiose. You are a student working on your MS. Working on 'independently' means its a hobby.

 

And your goal is to solve something that even the giants on which shoulders you are supposed to be standing have failed, up to now. You might be the unrecognised genius that can provide a working GUT - it's just that the probability for that is really, really low.

 

So, I'm sorry, you are not a researcher, at least not yet. Finish your studies, and maybe then you might become one.

[utterer of lies]

blablabla...victim of racism, reverse classism, ...

 

No, racism is not the source of your problems. But it's much easier to blame that than looking at yourself.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Mr Lonely, I didn't really want to post this here.. but.. come on man.

 

You have a masters and you're not in grad school atm, which means you're probably not in academia. Now, I'm not aware of non-academia research in early universe theory. In fact, what exactly do you do for your job? I am fairly certain you're not doing analytical stuff, just because very few people get paid to do it, and most of them are either professors or their immediate PhD students. Most cosmology "theory" now days tend to be hydrodynamic/filimintation -type simulations, not quite novel "theory of gravity" type research. I can also see how an MS can work on data analysis, but you suggest that you work at very high redshifts, so I'm not sure what the data analysis situation is in the microwave range..

 

Essentially, I'm betting that behind all those pretty words, what you do is pretty down to earth. If you want, then perhaps I can help you define how to say what you do so that other people understand and can relate to you without you having to compromise anything. After all, I don't have trouble with introducing myself, it's just I don't phrase my work as "nano-confined highly correlated fermion systems"

 

Thank you!

[Kamille]

In another thread, the OP stated that he was looking for empathy and not solutions to his problems. Idream of Tigers aptly summarized what the OP was looking for:

 

What you want is to be understood where you stand. You want people to see that you aren't asking for their help in finding a solution because you can probably find one on your own or you are convinced none exists.

 

As such, out of respect for the OP, I suggest we offer him the empathy he wants and understand him where he stands. He feels alienated and alone, that he has tried all the solutions and feels that the best one for him is to not compromise himself, at the risk of being alone. The posters who understood his loneliness got a lot further with him than the solution-oriented ones, myself included. It is clear to me that the OP is coming here for solace and has found a solution to his problems that suit him: to be himself and not compromise his beliefs. I respect that and I suggest others do the same.

[Mrlonelyone]

Thank you!

 

Look further down where I corrected him. I am still in school I am doing research on my thesis and I teach undergraduates. So I am very much in Academia.

 

This is what the early career of a scientist looks like. Not very glamorous.

 

Utterer

 

"Simply a student" makes it sound like I am doing classwork. Someone who's "Simply a student"... makes me sound like an undergraduate. That's what most people think when they think student.

 

I am not working on a GUT in the sense that you are thinking of. A GUT tries to unify gravity with the strong force and the electroweak force.

 

It could be said that I am working on an extended theory of General Relativity. This is a field called f® gravity.

 

It's also not a "hobby" since I am being paid to study physics and I am doing just that...while I wait for my thesis to be read and then defended. IT takes a long time.

 

I don't want to undersell myself either.

Edited March 28, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[utterer of lies]

"Simply a student" makes it sound like I am doing classwork. Someone who's "Simply a student"... makes me sound like an undergraduate. That's what most people think when they think student.

 

You are simply a student because you are enrolled as a student. You do not have your degree yet.

 

If any of my students would call themselves researchers I would laugh at them.

 

It's also not a "hobby" since I am being paid to study physics and I am doing just that...while I wait for my thesis to be read and then defended. IT takes a long time.

 

I don't want to undersell myself either.

 

 

You are being paid to study physics? Maybe I misunderstood you.

 

Is your research being funded? Or are you a student who is paid to teach undergrads but who is working on his theory independently (=unpaid).

[Mrlonelyone]

My funding is a combination of grants, loans, and proceeds from my teaching and tutoring. The school I attend is very expensive. So I have to hustle anyway I can to make ends meet. So yes I am a working scientist who makes a very modest living off science and teaching science and writing about science.

 

What else does a "scientist do"? Or does on only become a scientist once they are a full professor with tenure and a staff? :/

[utterer of lies]

My funding is a combination of grants, loans, and proceeds from my teaching and tutoring. The school I attend is very expensive. So I have to hustle anyway I can to make ends meet. So yes I am a working scientist who makes a very modest living off science and teaching science and writing about science.

 

What else does a "scientist do"? Or does on only become a scientist once they are a full professor with tenure and a staff? :/

 

A scientist is a person whose research is funded, that is, who gets paid for doing research. The idea behind the money is to further the advance of science.

 

 

A student is a person whose studies might be funded by scholarships or such. The idea behind the money is to improve the education of the student.

 

 

Well, maybe it's different in Chicago, but bachelor and master students aren't called researchers where I work.

[Mrlonelyone]

Here in Chicago a student is called a research if they are doing research.

 

A BS student who's just learning the basics not a reasearcher.

 

A BS student who's a senior and doing an internship at fermilab or argonnelab... researcher.

 

A MS student who's working on coursework but not their thesis yet and who is not an RA or TA.. student.

 

A MS student who's an RA or TA and/or working on their thesis... Researcher.

 

In fact many physics students in Chicagoland who help out on big research projects and collaborations get their names on the research papers with coauthor credit (along with every other person in the collaboration) regardless of their degree. It matters much more around here what a person is doing with their education.

 

IMHO a person who has a PhD. but never does a thing with it.... is a burn out and not a researcher. Wouldn't you agree?

[fortyninethousand322]

A scientist is a person whose research is funded, that is, who gets paid for doing research. The idea behind the money is to further the advance of science.

 

 

A student is a person whose studies might be funded by scholarships or such. The idea behind the money is to improve the education of the student.

 

 

Well, maybe it's different in Chicago, but bachelor and master students aren't called researchers where I work.

 

Sometimes those lines can be blurred though. I have a friend who will be graduating this May and is an economics major. Currently he works as an intern for the Federal Reserve. He has already been offered a permanent position that will be begin upon the completion of his studies. Essentially he'll be doing the same job he is now but with a (modest) pay raise and he'll work 5 days a week instead of 2. So, does he refer to himself as an intern, or an economist?

[Mrlonelyone]

IMHO a person with no formal education who does some work that gets published in a peer reviewed scientific journal is for all intents an purposes a scientist and a reasercher.

 

@49332

I know you did not ask me... but in a social situation your friend should probably call themself and economist. Call themself an intern at this point is underselling themself.

 

If someone probes deeper they can say they are a economics intern who will be doing the same job in a few months without the word intern in front.... but who cares that much? To me and people around here the job title is not as important as the job function.

[fortyninethousand322]

IMHO a person with no formal education who does some work that gets published in a peer reviewed scientific journal is for all intents an purposes a scientist and a reasercher.

 

@49332

I know you did not ask me... but in a social situation your friend should probably call themself and economist. Call themself an intern at this point is underselling themself.

 

If someone probes deeper they can say they are a economics intern who will be doing the same job in a few months without the word intern in front.... but who cares that much? To me and people around here the job title is not as important as the job function.

 

Yeah that's exactly the point I was trying to make, that sometimes the rules about job titles and what not aren't always cut and dry. The guy working as a cashier at the grocery store while getting a degree in biology can't exactly call himself a biologist, but situations like yours and the one I mentioned are a different story.

[utterer of lies]

IMHO a person with no formal education who does some work that gets published in a peer reviewed scientific journal is for all intents an purposes a scientist and a reasercher.

 

Indeed, this is a definition I can fully agree with. So...did you publish one or more papers in a peer-reviewed scientific journal?

[Mrlonelyone]

No but I am working on my thesis research and my book has been cited in published papers. Which for a book is just about as good.

[ivalm]

You are simply a student because you are enrolled as a student. You do not have your degree yet.

 

If any of my students would call themselves researchers I would laugh at them.

 

 

 

 

You are being paid to study physics? Maybe I misunderstood you.

 

Is your research being funded? Or are you a student who is paid to teach undergrads but who is working on his theory independently (=unpaid).

 

I would second utterer of lies.

 

My research is funded, I'm working on PhD (so not working on classes and not teaching undergrads/etc), and yet I would still call myself a student. When people ask me what I do I say "I'm a grad student". As far as I know that's also how all of my grad student friends refer to themselves. Even postdocs usually call themselves "postdocs", not "researchers." Researcher brings to mind professor or a staff scientist.