nowwhatnow Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I have been NC for about 6 months and broken up for almost 7. Since the 3 month mark I have plateaued on my healing. I am well functioning, i do go out and I have met tons of new people. I was seeing a therapist for a while as well. I feel that I am going nowhere with my healing. I am considering sending my ex an email to see where his head is at. I know that this sounds like a really stupid idea after being NC for so long but the truth is that NC is not helping me anymore. I moved away for a while for work and as the date for returning home approaches I keep having dreams/thoughts of him confessing his love for me. i cant keep setting myself up for this when i know i will be disappointed. if i send him an email telling him how i feel and he responds will this make me feel better? or will it make me feel something other than this? i cant keep living in this 'waiting' period i am in. something needs to change.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Stick it out, depending on how long you were in that relationship, you could still be thinking about him in excess of a year. It will go away slowly, it just takes more time.
Fern Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 If you still harbour hopes of getting back together with him, contact is a TERRIBLE idea. If he wants you back he knows how to get in touch. Contacting him and telling him how you feel only lets him know you're still hanging on and will only serve to push him further away from you. Plus, if he does reply, your healing will be set back exponentially. You need to tough it out until you KNOW you can be okay without him. Then and only then will it be beneficial for you to contact him. You do NOT need anyone to be happy. You need to get yourself to a place in your life where you know you can be happy and content alone. Only then can you have a mutually fulfilling relationship.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Getting in touch with him will probably give you that "temporary fix", but within days you will probably be right back at square one, having to start all over again. Try to ride these feelings out and stay NC. In the long run it will be healthier for you.
Author nowwhatnow Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 i just feel like if i get in touch and get destroyed again, at least something is happening. perhaps if i get destroyed enough times it will finally go through my head. perhaps if i get broken down enough i will no longer have hope.
betterdeal Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Perhaps if you start loving yourself you'll see how crazy that idea is.
MissBennett Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 i just feel like if i get in touch and get destroyed again, at least something is happening. perhaps if i get destroyed enough times it will finally go through my head. perhaps if i get broken down enough i will no longer have hope. I know exactly what you mean. for the longest time, I knew it was bad and unhealthy, but I just wanted that contact, negative or not. it was just something/anythng to prove that he wasnt so very far away. maybe it was also a case of at least if he was getting angry there was still some emotion there (albeit negative). there was still some part that cared (as opposed to indifference). It will not necessarily be that you dont have hope, but porbably more that you fear the response.... or not getting a response at all. with me, It got to the point where I got broken down so many times that I'm just plain scared of what the outcome will be. I'm scared of being that hurt and broken again. I dont ever want to feel that again..... EVER. that's what gives me the strength anyway.
1784 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 It will not necessarily be that you dont have hope, but porbably more that you fear the response.... or not getting a response at all. with me, It got to the point where I got broken down so many times that I'm just plain scared of what the outcome will be. I'm scared of being that hurt and broken again.. That's really how I feel, too. Even though she contacted me last night I haven't responded for a few reasons. One is that I'm pretty dead set on NC. Another reason is that, if I were to respond to her I'm really afraid of what I would/wouldn't get. She said last night, via text message, "I really miss you". If I respond to her I know I'll be HANGING on getting a response back. I don't want to do that. I also am afraid of the response that I could get. Would it be "Yeah, no one said this would be easy" or "I'm sure you'll be fine". Maybe she'd be like "Maybe we should talk". Any of these responses just really just put A in anxiety. Of course another part of me wants to respond
Pavle Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Nowwhatnow: Are you the dumpee or dumper? If the latter, and you still want to get back together, that's extremely selfish of you to expect him to be the one to get in touch with you after you took the initiative to end your relationship. If you're the dumpee, which given your post is probably the case, the obverse of the above sentence.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Whatever you do, dont contact them ,you will feel much worse than you do now, and you dont want that, trust me. All you need to make you feel worse is to contact them and see how cold and distant they are to you, possibly hurrying you off the phone. Dont do it.
Pavle Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) [tried to delete this stupid thing does not have discernible delete feature; 30 seconds of my time is far to great to figure this out. end post] Edited March 28, 2011 by Pavle
Author nowwhatnow Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 @ pavle: i was the one who was dumped i guess my thoughts are the feeling something is better than feeling what I am feeling now...
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