timchambo Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I am 3 months out from a relationship that lasted over 7 years. I was her high school sweet heart. Basically she left me for a guy she works with. I provided for her financially, was a complete gentleman and from all accounts a "great man" to her. We were engaged and all. It was completely out of the blue so for a while I was a complete mess. Things have turned for the better over the last month or so. Despite my request (after numberous contact attempts by her) to leave me alone, she contacted me again recently. To my knowledge she is still with this new guy, mr right. I know I do not want her back, but for some reason I do still tie a bit of self worth to her reaction to our current situation. I know this is not ideal, but it is working for me at the moment. Her most recent contact was a message along the lines of "I am so sorry for hurting you. I hope one day you can forgive me baby, for everything". People say to forgive but never forget. I don't know if I will ever forgive since to me someone just took the life of the person I cared most about; it just so happened to be by the hands of that person. She no longer exists as the person I love, so this was/is such a huge loss. I do not plan on ever contacting her or responding, especially since she has still not owned up to her actions. If she were ever to show up in my life somehow I think I would listen, but I really have nothing to say to her. If I have one question I guess what would be your guess as to her emotional state right now? I wonder sometimes how happy she really is with what she has now. If things are so great, why feel the need to relieve guilt? If the reasons she gave for leaving ("not in love", etc..) were valid, why is there guilt to begin with. She must know that heartbreak is part of a breakup, so there is no need to be sorry about that. She has said this all before, so this message now really is meaningless.
VJohnson32 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Thats tough and i know it hurts. Especially when the person you love and care for so much has left you for somebody else. As far as the messages, her emotions and reactions for what she did to you have come out and shes no longer distracted by her new found boyfriend since their "honeymoon" period has passed and just feels guilty and maybe hurt a bit. But if I was me, id never forgive her ... and just keep what you doing and try to do the impossible and erase her from your life.
Am4Real Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 If I have one question I guess what would be your guess as to her emotional state right now? I wonder sometimes how happy she really is with what she has now. If things are so great, why feel the need to relieve guilt? If the reasons she gave for leaving ("not in love", etc..) were valid, why is there guilt to begin with. She must know that heartbreak is part of a breakup, so there is no need to be sorry about that. She has said this all before, so this message now really is meaningless. Tim, The breakup although 3+ months past, is still relatively “fresh” for you both. You are still working hard in figuring it out and understanding how it will affect you, perhaps even change you in some ways. Meanwhile you’re looking forward, working on you and your life, in a progressive motion. Your EX however began her forward motion with a jump, a new interest and an eventual new relationship. It’s been 3 months and she is slowing down, looking backwards, looking back at you in some way. [highlight]See how things have changed for you both[/highlight]? With these contacts by her you’re going to slow down a little as well. Stay strong and focused and this shall pass and when it does you will be on your way free and clear of the past; you will probably have little to no lasting internalization over this event other than the memories of what was a great relationship. Your EX’s last message to you sounds like she is in the midst of internalizing her current situation and now that faults have likely shown themselves she has begun to compare you with that of “today” and, in turn is feeling the effects of what is now truly gone all the while feeling sorry for the way it happened. What you’re describing is pretty typical of a DUMPER, especially after a relationship of 7+ years. There is no need to worry for her, she will be fine. She may go on to find the next really great guy for her or even be with such a man now, or she will bounce from relationship to relationship hoping to recreate what you two had. Whatever her future let it not concern you for it is only her that can make her bed. Any involvement from you will only confuse matters for her and set you back. In case in crossed your mind: I’m sure you’ve come to realize just how hard it would be to accept these three months into a reborn life with her…it’s probably next to impossible. It would be so for me.
betterdeal Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 If I have one question I guess what would be your guess as to her emotional state right now? Unstable and backward facing. But that's just my guess. What's your emotional state right now?
love is dangerous Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 i would ignore her and make it seem like your doing great , make her regret her decision. she left the one she loves ( i assume as youve been together 7 years) for the one she likes, and she WILL regret it . you should never do dat , unless there was serious problems in your relationship. but i dont think you should forgive her easily . mabye for your own self but not her.
Author timchambo Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Emotionally I would say I FEEL around 80% of the way recovered. I think clearly now, not with my heart anymore. I worry about her in a sense of how I would worry about my sister. She doesn't have any stability financially, and this new guy is not capable of providing that for her. I don't want to see her struggle in life. I started another thread a couple days ago which has more updated info. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271573/
love is dangerous Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Emotionally I would say I FEEL around 80% of the way recovered. I think clearly now, not with my heart anymore. I worry about her in a sense of how I would worry about my sister. She doesn't have any stability financially, and this new guy is not capable of providing that for her. I don't want to see her struggle in life. I started another thread a couple days ago which has more updated info. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271573/ you are such a sweet guy, shes so lucky to have you cared about her like that , she just doesnt realise
betterdeal Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) Emotionally I would say I FEEL around 80% of the way recovered. I think clearly now, not with my heart anymore. I worry about her in a sense of how I would worry about my sister. She doesn't have any stability financially, and this new guy is not capable of providing that for her. I don't want to see her struggle in life. I started another thread a couple days ago which has more updated info. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271573/ The only advice I think appropriate for her is to let her know it's okay to ask for help (from people other than you). I'm several months into recovery (from a lot of things) and whilst my ex helped me as much as she could (and I her) the closeness between us makes us precisely the wrong people to help each other. After that, no more contact. Edited April 4, 2011 by betterdeal
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