EmeraldEyes81 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum, and what a way to start a first post... Anyway, I would like some opinions on a text I received from my husband recently. We have been married for 9 years and have small children together, so I know things are at that stressful point in marriage. I get it. What i don't understand is why he would text me something like this: "Once upon a time there was a man who asked a beautiful woman to marry him and she said "no" and he was happy. He was then able to go out and (insert perverted activities here) and drink as much as he wanted. She never asked him for child support or alimony and he never had to listen to her bitch about stupid things. (Insert more perverse stuff here) and he was even able to leave the toilet seat up whenever he wanted. The end." Real classy, huh? So my question is, why would he send me that? He claims it was just a joke but I don't think so. Thanks everyone.
seibert253 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Read that exact same "story" on another board. It is a "joke" amongst us guys. But for your H to send it to you seems as a very bad attempt at humor. Tell him that and how you feel about it.
betterdeal Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Many a truth said in jest, as the saying goes, although in this case, many a thought revealed in jest is more accurate. It has upset you receiving this and you've identified a most likely root cause for him sending such a Freudian slip of a joke. Might be time to have a talk about your relationship with each other and take a review of the situation, see what can be improved, what is going well, any concerns either of you have.
Zapbasket Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 A friend of mine emailed that exact tale to me in a mass emailing. I was unamused; I rolled my eyes and hit "delete" half-way through reading it. I think your husband sending that to you falls under the "men can be really dense sometimes" category. His timing stinks given the stress your relationship is feeling right now, but his intentions, I'll bet, were entirely benign, just unthinking and in poor taste. If I were you, I'd put the why's of his sending this crass little fable to you out of your mind, and focus instead on how the two of you can work together to strengthen your relationship out of this rough patch. And if you want to have a little fun with it, write a women's version of the fable, send it to him...and then tell him you'd like to talk about the hard times you've been having as a couple. Good luck
Kismetly Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whoever she pleased and farted whenever she wanted.
slehcar Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whoever she pleased and farted whenever she wanted. I love the part about farting!!! That's great. I'd totally send that back to him in reply.
Star Gazer Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 "Once upon a time there was a man who asked a beautiful woman to marry him and she said "no" and he was happy. He was then able to go out and (insert perverted activities here) and drink as much as he wanted. She never asked him for child support or alimony and he never had to listen to her bitch about stupid things. (Insert more perverse stuff here) and he was even able to leave the toilet seat up whenever he wanted. The end." Oh, reeeallllyyy?? How about sending him this? Once upon a time there was a handsome, smart, successful, funny gentleman who asked a beautiful woman to marry him. She said yes, and for the rest of their lives, he made her happy. The End. Oh well, SO MUCH FOR FAIRYTALES...
Author EmeraldEyes81 Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 Thanks again everyone for responding! The thing that really caught my attention is how many of you said you've seen this before... Does it really happen that often??? Really?! What is wrong with some people?
Woman In Blue Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I say, choose your battles wisely. This is such a non-issue and a totally silly thing for anyone to get upset over. Seriously. If you can't have a sense of humor and laugh about something so innocuous, he's just going to look at you like you're a sour puss who can't find any humor in anything. Lighten up.
desertIslandCactus Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Thanks again everyone for responding! The thing that really caught my attention is how many of you said you've seen this before... Does it really happen that often??? Really?! What is wrong with some people? I think I interpretted the posters to mean, they had seen it on the net as a joke. Not someone sending it to their spouse. I would ignore (easier said than done), and take it under submission. Or take from the two prev posters who had other versions from the wife's side. A wife who has every right to romance and encouragement in the M.
Woggle Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I bash marriage all the time and I admit that I see many marriages I would want no part of but I would never trade my current life for the world. Does he have a friend or know a man who is going through a nasty divorce or having problems in his marriage? That might be where this is coming from.
allenmj Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Oh, reeeallllyyy?? How about sending him this? Once upon a time there was a handsome, smart, successful, funny gentleman who asked a beautiful woman to marry him. She said yes, and for the rest of their lives, They made Each Other happy. The End. Oh well, SO MUCH FOR FAIRYTALES... There, fixed that for you.
You Go Girl Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 It was in bad taste unless he is taking a jab at you personally, which would be far more serious. It's immature and not really funny. But it's also no big deal, just somewhat stupid. Was he drunk when he sent it? Honestly, I'd only be worried if I was you if I suspected my H of having some severe resentment issues, or worse, was a chauvanistic pig. So ask yourself--do you think he has resentment issues? Or...do you think he's a chauvanist? If no to both of those, then forget about it altogether and chalk it up to that nobody can be mature and tasteful ALL the time.
seibert253 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said "No!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whoever she pleased and farted whenever she wanted. I thought this one was also funny.
nezbo Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Life cant be so bad if this is the issue on your mind lately
Woggle Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Both jokes are pretty funny and they make fun of the worst case scenario for a bad marriage. It doesn't mean all marriages are like that.
ReturnToSender Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Im with "choose your battles wisely"... Ill bet he got it, thought it was funny and passed it on to you. During Christmas, I got a joke that I passed on to pretty much everyone I knew "whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three hos"... all the women thought it was hilarious and most said they passed it on..not a single guy replied to me. (which made me tee hee even more lol) Guys can just be strange with the humour sometimes too...like when I was with my ex, he used to make jokes about marriage all the time, but it was him, not me always talking about wanting to get married. go figure... Its nothing to read into, and def not anything to start reflecting on the relationship about. Now if there are other real issues going on, then yeah, those should be addressed, but dont take what really is a "chain mail" joke to heart...
dreamingoftigers Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I think he must have felt pretty secure in your marriage to send you something like this, a cute little joke. At first reading it (and by your tone actually) I was like, "what the heck?" Then when I read the female one, it clicked. You are fine, he is fine, this isn't a 'sign' that he is 'stressed'
Author EmeraldEyes81 Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 Ah, well that's a relief if it's just a joke going around. The one I received didn't have any "Fwd:" attached to it, so I thought this was coming directly from him and his mind. He insists it's a joke so I will chalk this one up to a "whatever" moment and move on. Thanks everyone.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Anyone want to trade marital issues with her?
xxoo Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 He insists it's a joke so I will chalk this one up to a "whatever" moment and move on. Thanks everyone. Instead of asking why he sent it, I'd ask if the joke reflected his feelings about marriage. I'd say--"The joke is that being single is better than being married. Do you feel that way?" Ask with concern, not accusation. (concern about his happiness in the marriage)
Author EmeraldEyes81 Posted March 27, 2011 Author Posted March 27, 2011 Okay, I wasn't going to defend myself or my original post, but since most people responding seem to think I'm this petty "flake" with no real marital "problems" except for this text, let me just say that I came at this from the perspective of not knowing it was an Internet joke. Like I said, it did not have the "Fwd:" in front of it to indicate it as such, and H didn't bother to inform me it was a joke at the time he sent it. So (because we DO have a lot of marital issues, none of which I'm ready to share yet) I thought this text was a reflection of how he felt about our M. In hindsight, knowing it's a joke NOW, I realize the "mistake" of posting this in the first place. I know I've probably offended those on here who have real problems with their SO's. So please forgive me for thinking my H was having a passive-aggressive moment and trying to tell me in so many words that he's miserable and me coming here looking for a little insight. Looks like what I got was a lot of assumptions based on nothing from some of you...Hmmm, the same thing I was "guilty" of when reading that text. Ironic, no? And for those who made genuine attempts to shed some light on the subject, I appreciate it.
Sparty97 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I think the fact that it bugged you so much says more about you than it does about him.
allina Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Okay, I wasn't going to defend myself or my original post, but since most people responding seem to think I'm this petty "flake" with no real marital "problems" except for this text, let me just say that I came at this from the perspective of not knowing it was an Internet joke. Like I said, it did not have the "Fwd:" in front of it to indicate it as such, and H didn't bother to inform me it was a joke at the time he sent it. So (because we DO have a lot of marital issues, none of which I'm ready to share yet) I thought this text was a reflection of how he felt about our M. In hindsight, knowing it's a joke NOW, I realize the "mistake" of posting this in the first place. I know I've probably offended those on here who have real problems with their SO's. So please forgive me for thinking my H was having a passive-aggressive moment and trying to tell me in so many words that he's miserable and me coming here looking for a little insight. Looks like what I got was a lot of assumptions based on nothing from some of you...Hmmm, the same thing I was "guilty" of when reading that text. Ironic, no? And for those who made genuine attempts to shed some light on the subject, I appreciate it. It helps to "talk out" issues on LS and get some outside perspective no matter how big or small the problem is. I think that the "joke" struck a nerve with you because it may have touched upon the real issues in the marriage. Do you fight over chores and the house? Does he accuse you of nagging? Is he happy with your sex life? While a bad joke can just be a bad joke, this could be your husband's way to (poorly) hint at his feelings.
pennyflame Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Sometimes men just make the most horrible hurtful jokes... and to them they really don't mean anything by it, it's simply that, a joke. I know. Hard concept for us women to understand since we love, coddle and take care of the comedians. But it really doesn't mean anything, my boyfriend has cut down on things like that now because I've talked to him enough about it.. Maybe you should explain to him, yes I know it was a joke but it was a hurtful joke so could you please refrain from joking as such?
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