exiled13 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Hello, I am a 33 year old male in a 10 month relationship with a 35 year old female. Until recently this relationship has been the best I've ever known, so much so that I've contemplated marriage with this woman. A couple weeks ago she became noticeably less affectionate, less talkative, and generally appeared less interested in me. When I inquired she stated that she was tired, or frustrated with work, and that I had nothing to worry about. A few days ago I borrowed her phone, and inadvertently discovered a text message conversation between her and another man that, in my opinion, was cause for concern. The conversation began with him inviting her to the bar for drinks, her accepting, and the two of them flirting in a sexual context. They met again the next night at the hotel where she is employed, and he is currently living. When I asked her who the guy is, and let her know that I was hurt and concerned she told me is a 22 year old from out of state staying in the hotel for several months while working here, and reassured that she has not and would not cheat on me, and that she is happy with me, and also added "I'm a flirt, if you don't like it don't stay with me, I wont change for anyone". Since this discussion they have continued to text flirtatiously, and last night I again expressed to her that I was hurt and concerned about their relationship. She told me that this is just how she jokes with her male friends, and that I was overreacting. Any input on this matter would be appreciated. Thanks.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Hi, just read your post. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Quite honestly, you have every right to be hurt and upset. Whether she has actually committed the act of sexually cheating, her behavior is completely inappropriate if she is having "sexually" based conversations with this man, and if she is meeting him for drinks. This is showing complete disrespect for you and you do not deserve to be treated that way. If this is "how she is" then she may not be the one for you. Personally, I would not be able to accept this from my SO. I wish you the best.
Bryanp Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be so acceptable to this as you have been? Her comment that she likes to flirt with men and if you don't like then leave says it all. Why you would wish to be a relationship with this type of woman that shows such disrespect to your relationship is beyond me. She is totally selfish and it is all about her. She does not respect you at all. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
whammy Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 she called you out and you did nothing? You cant control a womans actions but you can control your own. You should have walked right when she said "if you dont like it, then leave." You stayed and became her puppy dog right then and there. She is telling you who she is and that is actually romantically entertained by a kid! Your a third wheel in this bro. If your scared that youll never meet a nice lady at your age, if you leave, dont be...rolling over for this woman will be something that you always regret. You think it gets better from here? you think she is going to say, "what was I thinking? I love you and never want to talk to another man agian." this girls sucks and doesnt care about you. You. Need. To. Leave. she doesnt even respect you
allenmj Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 All the other replies have been spot on, and I'd be willing to be she is cheating on you. Hes staying in the hotel where she works and they've "met for drinks" multiple times? If it looks like a rat, and smells like a rat.. then well, it's a cheating rat.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 And on another note, she doesn't value or respect her job. I had a friend who once worked at a hotel and the BIG rule was not to get involved with guests. It was a classier type of hotel. I'm not sure if that is how all hotels operate, however. But, it's crossing the line with many.
BobbyD Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I had a very close situation happen to me. Thread is below "Having or has had sex" This is a easy one: if she feels she has to flirt with all her male friends you better RUN RUN RUN. Be glad you caught the texting between them, because there is no telling how much of it had been going on in the 10 months you didnt see. What do we think she told that guy when he ask "are you seeing anybody or in a relationship" Also how in the world did they exchange numbers to start with??
seibert253 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Where there's smoke, there's fire. Ray Charles can see you GF is cheating on you. You need to dump her immediately. Pretty simple, tell her you will not tolarate her lying and cheating, and never speak to you again. You deserve way better than the disrespect she's showing you.
Macaw Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be so acceptable to this as you have been? Her comment that she likes to flirt with men and if you don't like then leave says it all. Why you would wish to be a relationship with this type of woman that shows such disrespect to your relationship is beyond me. She is totally selfish and it is all about her. She does not respect you at all. If you do not respect yourself then who will? This. You're still very young. You'll find a better woman.
jnj express Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Either let her flirt, and hope she is telling the truth---that it is nothing---or you walk---its your choice as to how much you will tolerate from a partner---this is a 35 yr olf woman who is available but probably likes to play---as in why is she messing with a 22 yr old---except that she probably wants sex with him---IMHO---you should tell her---- the party's over---and you have left the building
joanofarc Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I'd run...she craves attention at any cost... With disregard to your heart or ferlings
Sebstian Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I'd dump her immediately. Don't know if she's cheating, but it sure looks like it. Anyways, inappropriate texting and meeting strangers for drinks is cheating in my world, and regardless of definition I would have none of it. The biggist real deal breaker here imo, is that she doesn't even regret or stop her shameful behaviour - not even when you say she's hurting you. Good thing is, you're a 33 old male, so you've got plenty of mojo left in you for finding the right attractive and respecting woman.
impz Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 she called you out and you did nothing? You cant control a womans actions but you can control your own. You should have walked right when she said "if you dont like it, then leave." You stayed and became her puppy dog right then and there. She is telling you who she is and that is actually romantically entertained by a kid! Your a third wheel in this bro. If your scared that youll never meet a nice lady at your age, if you leave, dont be...rolling over for this woman will be something that you always regret. You think it gets better from here? you think she is going to say, "what was I thinking? I love you and never want to talk to another man agian." this girls sucks and doesnt care about you. You. Need. To. Leave. she doesnt even respect you QFT. Get. The. Hell. Out.
Memphis Raines Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 exiled. oh she is cheating alright. or at the very least wanting to and planning on it. get rid of her immediately.
Kelemort Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Time to dump her. Not only did she cross the line, she's acting brazenly unapologetic about it and telling you, "If you don't like it, deal with it." She's not concerning your feelings here about this issue. Does she take a my-way-or-the-highway type of approach to everything? Just envision this for the rest of your life. When it's time to enroll your kids into school, she'll crow, "They're going to a private school. That's where I went and that's where they'll be going, and you'll just have to deal with it." The money? "I always spend it on 20 packs of cigarettes a week. You don't like it? Too bad." So what should you do? Approach her and say, "I understand that you enjoy flirting with others and you told me that you were not going to change. But I don't have to accept this behavior or treatment. You don't consider my feelings and you're unwilling to discuss it further, so I am unwilling to continue our relationship."
fripFilia Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 The State Of Jobs In West Sussex 'Recession Proof' Jobs in West Sussex Finally the phrase we all believed was coming has arrived, 'Recession'. For the past few months the word has been intentionally avoided however leading economists and even the Bank of England have finally admitted that recession is on its way. Not a massive surprise with most of the normal public appearing to consider we're already in one. So it's all doom and gloom now and nobody's job is protected proper? Not so. A few of West Sussex's residents need worry less. Traditionally some jobs have proven to be 'Recession Resistant' but which jobs are they? Primarily they are jobs in organisations that present items and companies that remain a necessity at the identical time as we tighten our belts. The areas thought-about to be fairly safe include: o Schooling - Youngsters do not stop developing because the market shrinks and do not stop requiring an education. West Sussex's numerous colleges, faculties and Universities including Chichester College and The university of Chichester are still keenly recruiting. Academic institutions also require administrative, catering and different assist staff. Educational jobs in West Sussex should remain secure. o Public Sector - Government is a definite consistent during a recession. Our cities, cities and nation should continue to go on providing services and making certain things carries on heedless. The Chichester District Council and The West Sussex County Council still want a large array of employees so public sector jobs in West Sussex ought to beat the recession. o Security - Sadly, crime doesn't cease during a recession (in reality, although I am unable to claim to know the statistics, there are clearly associated monetary elements which may increase it!) We're fortunate in West Sussex to have a comparatively low crime charge but we still need our protective companies such The West Sussex Police. In addition they require their support staff so these with security jobs in West Sussex have a lesser have to worry. o Healthcare and Pharmaceuticals - Sickness and injury still happen during a recession. In Chichester it's honest to say that we've got an ageing inhabitants due maybe to the standard of life we're lucky enough to receive here. (As long as St Richards Hospital stays open!) hospital staff, GPs, ambulance workers, nursing and care employees are still in demand so Healthcare jobs in West Sussex should be fairly safe. o Energy Corporations - We may all turn into a little extra conscious of our power outgoings as part of our belt tightening however we continue to have an enormous for gas and electrical energy and that is unlikely diminish. Chichester businesses and homes will nonetheless require Southern Electrical, British Gasoline and the wish to preserve us running so these working for power companies akin to engineers and customer providers in West Sussex should contemplate their jobs secure. o Environmental Sector - In West Sussex, as with each different city, our council appears dedicated to improving our 'Greeness'. This is a sentiment additionally taken up by businesses and it is unlikely to be halted during the coming recession. There'll nonetheless be a need for 'Inexperienced' consultants and engineers in West Sussex in the coming months. o Sales and Marketing - This is not an space you would possibly count on to be safe but traditionally and logically anything which makes or saves a company cash is more seemingly to be safe. It's barely dependant on the technique and outlook of the business in specific however sales jobs and marketing jobs in West Sussex could additionally be safe. o Funeral Administrators - Sorry to end on a morbid word but to use the previous saying 'the only certainties in life are death and taxes'! Worried that your employment could additionally be at risk? Unfortunately there are some struggling industries including building, housing and finance and the strongest recommendation I can give you is to make sure your CV is up to scratch do you have got to find your self in the unlucky situation and you have to enter the competitive job market. Also ensure you find a superb job board equivalent to chichester jobs to keep you up to date with the latest jobs in West Sussex. Richard Blackburn is a recruitment professional having spent the last 7 years working as a Recruitment Marketing consultant, hi is Content Editor for jobs in west sussex
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