Oni Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 My girlfriend and I go to separate colleges across the state and only get to see each other once every two or three weeks. We've been dating for three years (since high school) and haven't really dated anyone else seriously. Recently I've found myself becoming more and more dependent on her and I'm worried it's a turn off. I have this big fear that she's going to cheat on me (possibly because I caught my dad cheating on my mom when I was younger) and I obsess over it every waking moment. I constantly worry that I'm not good enough for her and think she'll find someone better than me. And when I say constantly I mean every waking moment... I'm also too overbearing and get jealous easily. What can I do? Ideally I'd like to be more independent and relinquish my fear of her cheating on me… but that seems easier said than done. I've started seeing a therapist and I'm trying to take up a few new hobbies to boost my self-esteem, but so far both of those seem to be getting me nowhere fast. All I do is complain to her about how worthless I am, and that will make me feel even worse about myself, and then I'll complain to her more. It's a vicious circle and it's killing the relationship… What do you think I should do?
Nexus One Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 (edited) Look at it this way. When she DOES cheat on you, then she turned out not to be worthy of your dedication to her. However, unless there is a reason to assume that she will cheat you shouldn't play the jealousy card. In fact I think a man should never play the jealousy card. I'm not a woman, but I find jealous and controlling guys to be somewhat creepy. I think women can sense that too, so take a deep breath and relax, because currently you have no reason to assume she will cheat. Also don't nag to her about finding yourself worthless. If you do that too often you might risk she will start to believe you, even though you're not a worthless guy and she never thought that about you in the first place. Would she have started a relationship with you if she thought you were worthless? I don't think so. But if you are persistent in this attitude then you might end up convincing her or annoy her too much. You're insecure. Everyone is insecure sometimes, but when it becomes a consistent pattern in your behavior it might start to affect your relationships with people. Relax and gain some fresh perspective. Edited March 26, 2011 by Nexus One
Author Oni Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 Thank you for the advice. I really don't want to come off as creepy, but I think that's definitely been the case recently. I tell myself I need to relax about the relationship but so far it hasn't been enough... Maybe I need to try harder...
Thedude22 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Well like many male issues, you're woman cheating on you is often a self-fulfilling prophecy, unless of course she's just a bad person and you're girl doesn't sound like that. Anyhoo if you let on she is too good for you, pretty soon she'll believe it. How to overcome it? It's hard to tell you how not that big of a deal it is to be single. If you're girl did break up with you, you'd be depressed for like two months but then you'd pull yourself up by your boot straps and live life. Hell a lot of your life might even be better. Fact is you need to lower your level of obsession about your girl by realizing she is not the end all be all to your world. She will respect you more for it, and your chances of keeping her will rise dramatically.
Author Oni Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 I'll have to keep all that in mind... I was thinking the other day that it might almost be better if I was single. At least that way I wouldn't have to agonize over a relationship so much that it would start taking over my life.
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