yellowhibiscus Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 So....I've been kind of seeing this guy for the past few months. I say kind of because things never became official. When we first started dating, things were awesome. He was really into me, we hung out a lot, talked a lot. Then things started to change...he explained to me that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now but really liked me. He gradually stopped texting me as much and when I would ask him to hang out he always has plans. I told him I was not into a friends with benefits situation. I said "Ok, we don't have to do that". I would think that if he just wasn't interested in me, I would either say something to me like "I'm not into anymore" or something along those lines, or just flat out stop talking to me....but he hasn't. He texts me about once a day to see how I am or to say hi. I have suspicion that he is seeing other girls too...which is fine if thats what he wants. Why would he do this?? What should I do? A part of me just wants to ignore him completely and try to move on but another part of me is hoping that things will change and he will decide he does want to be with me so I just keep playing along with this "game". I really do like him and I think that we would make a great couple, except for this crap!
curlygirl40 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 He's doing it because he can. He's fishing to see if you're still interested, to keep you interested, or to maintain a friendship even though he's not interested in you in that way. My gut reaction anyway. When he says he doesn't want a relationship, he means he doesn't want a relationship. If you think he's seeing other girls, he's probably seeing other girls. The only person you can control is you. If that's not what you want, then move along and stop focusing on him. I try to keep it very basic sometimes. When it stops feeling good, stop doing it. If it feels bad to you that he's keeping you on the line, don't let him keep you on the line. Move along. Simple really!
confused611 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 this is exactly what happened to me. i would reiterate what was said above: if it stops feeling good, it's not worth it. for me, we went from having an absolutely AMAZING time together to me seeing a totally different person in him i didn't think he could be (in a bad way). it stopped being fun, and it took me a while to wrap my mind around the fact that it wasn't going to be the same as it used to be, and either you can find it in yourself to be ok with just being "friends iwth benefits" and sounds like it will most likely be on HIS terms (he will get to say when you hook up, how you hook up, where you hook up, etc) or you decide that this won't be fulfilling for you in any way, shape, or form, and work on moving on. i'm working on the moving on thing myself.
DollyGirl12 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I agree, if he says he doesn't want a relationship, that is what you have to hear. Now, if you are ok at just being friends, and not having any other expectations, then that's fine. There's nothing wrong with building friendships. But, if you are hoping, in the back of your mind, that spending time with him will change his mind, then you may end up getting hurt. If you are friends than you are friends. However, if you feel he is only contacting you because he's in between a woman, bored, needs a space filler, etc., then you may want to re think the friend aspect, as I'm sure you can find friends elsewhere.
Thedude22 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Oh ladies, this is a problem that seems so easy for men but is hard for women. Kind of like the "I'm super nice to her why doesn't she like me?" question for men. Men are genetically wired to seek out sex at all times, those who do not have full control over there sex drives will be extremely difficult to get into a relationship. Once the beginning stages of dating wears off and you aren't moving forward into a relationship, they become a bit bored with you. Why don't they break it off completely you ask? That would mean that you would be unavailable to them for sex. They don't want to burn bridges with you because they always want to have you ready to go in their contact list when they need you. So if you aren't interested in just having sex with this guy, break it off, because at this point that is all he wants from you. I should know, I use to be this kind of guy .
somedude81 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Thedude is right, he just wants you for a steady supply of sex. He's not going to come around.
Author yellowhibiscus Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 Thanks for all the responses. Reading this has really encouraged me to move on...I'm not getting anything out of it and all it's doing is just stressing me out. I'm going to start ignoring his texts. I don't want to be in the position of just being used. Thanks again!
paddington bear Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Yep, good for you, this is another case of us girls ignoring what was clearly said: "he explained to me that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now" You thought you would make a great couple, he was never in it for that and unfortunately his actions have shown that despite spending time with you, he hasn't get emotionally attached enough. I'm sorry for you hearing this, but I've heard this line over and over again. And it never means I don't want a relationship right now, it means I don't want a relationship with you right now. By you going along with that, the guy thinks you are all fine with the situation. That he has explained his stance and you are okay with it. Whereas women often dismiss what the guy says and hope he will change his stance later on down the line.
confused611 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Yep, good for you, this is another case of us girls ignoring what was clearly said: "he explained to me that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now" You thought you would make a great couple, he was never in it for that and unfortunately his actions have shown that despite spending time with you, he hasn't get emotionally attached enough. I'm sorry for you hearing this, but I've heard this line over and over again. And it never means I don't want a relationship right now, it means I don't want a relationship with you right now. By you going along with that, the guy thinks you are all fine with the situation. That he has explained his stance and you are okay with it. Whereas women often dismiss what the guy says and hope he will change his stance later on down the line. so then what does it mean when he tells you that he cares about you, he's falling for you, he would be in a relationship with you at any other time except for now because of [insert bad timing excuse]?
TryingtoUnderstand32 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 So....I've been kind of seeing this guy for the past few months. I say kind of because things never became official. When we first started dating, things were awesome. He was really into me, we hung out a lot, talked a lot. Then things started to change...he explained to me that he wasn't ready for a relationship right now but really liked me. He gradually stopped texting me as much and when I would ask him to hang out he always has plans. I told him I was not into a friends with benefits situation. I said "Ok, we don't have to do that". I would think that if he just wasn't interested in me, I would either say something to me like "I'm not into anymore" or something along those lines, or just flat out stop talking to me....but he hasn't. He texts me about once a day to see how I am or to say hi. I have suspicion that he is seeing other girls too...which is fine if thats what he wants. Why would he do this?? What should I do? A part of me just wants to ignore him completely and try to move on but another part of me is hoping that things will change and he will decide he does want to be with me so I just keep playing along with this "game". I really do like him and I think that we would make a great couple, except for this crap! He isn't interested seriously. Just likes you as an option
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