shawn923 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I know im probably beating this thing to death, but this sparked up some interest in me. My ex was muslim, meaning they can only be with and marry muslim men. I am not muslim. Earlier in our R she threatened there was no way in the long run she would be able to be with me unless i was muslim, and i agreed to think about it and work on it. Even tho that meant changing myself, i loved her enough to work at it. A few weeks later i snapped on her because i thought she was flirting with someone else. And poof, she dumped me. And said there was no way she would ever give me a second chance. So do u think she was just waiting on me so slip up, so she would have a reason to leave me? She didnt show nearly the emotion i did when breaking up, she acted as if it was a good thing. And do u think this relationship has any chance of salvation, despite her saying never? Just something that came to mind... i felt like texting her asking her this but im not breaking NC for no reason. So i ask you LS!
alphamale Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 So do u think she was just waiting on me so slip up, so she would have a reason to leave me? probably...
Ross PK Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Does seem as though she was just waiting for a reason to split up with you. A similar thing happened to me with a girl that I was in a relationship with online.
westernxer Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Her father would probably beat her ass if she stayed with you.
EyesWideOpen Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Possibly. It is also possible that you showed jealousy far too intensely or far too early into the relationship - and that sent her running for the hills. Could it be counter-stated that you are using the religion issue as a scapegoat for the fact that you acted inappropriately jealousy? Or perhaps it was simply a combination of both religious issues and lack of tolerance for jealous behavior.
depplover_1980 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Very good possibility and Shawn THERE IS NO CHANCE with her, give up the gander, accept and stop pulling your own teeth out.
Author shawn923 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Possibly. It is also possible that you showed jealousy far too intensely or far too early into the relationship - and that sent her running for the hills. Could it be counter-stated that you are using the religion issue as a scapegoat for the fact that you acted inappropriately jealousy? Or perhaps it was simply a combination of both religious issues and lack of tolerance for jealous behavior. I think thats what i did in bold... But im still not entirely sure. And even if it was the reason, is this at all salvageable? I even promised to work and change on that. And she simply stuck to her guns and said "i dont give 2nd chances". Maybe a heavy dose of NC will slowly make her realize what she lost. I would hate to think I will never get a 2nd chance because of what i did... i can definitely change that and work on it.
Author shawn923 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Very good possibility and Shawn THERE IS NO CHANCE with her, give up the gander, accept and stop pulling your own teeth out. Ur right... Everytime i have an urge to txt her for some "extra" closure i run on LS and post a new thread lol. Im sorry. But i'd rather i get the truth from u guys first before i make a mistake a break NC, further distancing myself from her... Bottom line, she knew i wasnt muslim when she met me. She knew i wasnt muslim when we got together. She knew i wasnt muslim when she first told me she loved me. She knew i was willing to work on this issue if we were to get married someday. So knowing all that, she clearly led me on, only to dump me at the first sign of trouble. That is, if her reason was religion... Most likely its not and it was me being insecure. Its just hard to believe my entire relationship which i thought was perfect was destroyed because of one mistake... So is this relationship a wrap? Is there really no way she'd ever come back? Ladies, if this happend to you, and u genuinely loved your bf, would u throw it all away without EVER looking back? Or is she saying "i dont give second chances" because she wants me to give up hope, so she can distance herself and clear some mental space? She isnt dating, so i know theres no one else. Again, ppl i apologize for all the threads lol. I just rather get yelled at by you guys and laugh it off then get yelled at by my ex, and cry it off
geegirl Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I think thats what i did in bold... But im still not entirely sure. And even if it was the reason, is this at all salvageable? I even promised to work and change on that. And she simply stuck to her guns and said "i dont give 2nd chances". Maybe a heavy dose of NC will slowly make her realize what she lost. I would hate to think I will never get a 2nd chance because of what i did... i can definitely change that and work on it. She didn't want to give you a second chance because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. When you nit pick and find reasons to break up with someone, it's because you want out and anything resembling the slightest sign of a dealbreaker is a ticket out. And she wanted out. If she wanted to be with you, she would work at it just as how you want to work at it. Work through the issues i.e. jealousy, etc. and work at the relationship. She does not want to put forth any effort because she does not want to nor does she want to work at having a relationship with you. I'm sorry to be harsh but you are beating a dead horse. You're adamant on your feelings about her feeling a loss one day, maybe she will and maybe she won't. NC is not a test for her to get intouch with her feelings but a test for you to find indifference.
Little_Bee Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Don't take me wrong and I don't want to destroy any hope but being honest, i rather doubt that there is a way back between you and that you need to slowly let her go and start to life your live again. It's normal for the heart to wanting someone back after a break-up but it's more realistic that this won't happen, in particular if there are also religious hindrances.
geegirl Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Her reason for not wanting the R can be anything. Maybe it is religion. Maybe your jealousy. Maybe she now feels there is no compatibility. Maybe her feelings have changed. Maybe she wants to be single and date others. Maybe she got turned off by some of you behaviors. Could be a combination of everything or could be just one specific reason or could be something not even you or I can figure out. The relationship is a wrap. What R do you have with only you in it? I loved my BF so much and was devastated when he wanted out. But how can you hold on to someone that doesn't want to be with you. Call it "throw away" -- I call it letting go. You can't force someone to be with you or ram an R down their throat because you think it's the best thing for the two of you. She isn't dating doesn't mean she is holding on to reconciling with you. She isn't dating because she isn't dating. Don't try and speculate as to what she is doing with her life. In the meantime, your life is shot to hell because you are living hers. Let her be Shawn and try to let go of the hope.
depplover_1980 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Shawn, it is totally fine, we're all a community. But I consider myself a truth giver. Now come and put your head in my boobies and i'll make you smile. Ur right... Everytime i have an urge to txt her for some "extra" closure i run on LS and post a new thread lol. Im sorry. But i'd rather i get the truth from u guys first before i make a mistake a break NC, further distancing myself from her... Bottom line, she knew i wasnt muslim when she met me. She knew i wasnt muslim when we got together. She knew i wasnt muslim when she first told me she loved me. She knew i was willing to work on this issue if we were to get married someday. So knowing all that, she clearly led me on, only to dump me at the first sign of trouble. That is, if her reason was religion... Most likely its not and it was me being insecure. Its just hard to believe my entire relationship which i thought was perfect was destroyed because of one mistake... So is this relationship a wrap? Is there really no way she'd ever come back? Ladies, if this happend to you, and u genuinely loved your bf, would u throw it all away without EVER looking back? Or is she saying "i dont give second chances" because she wants me to give up hope, so she can distance herself and clear some mental space? She isnt dating, so i know theres no one else. Again, ppl i apologize for all the threads lol. I just rather get yelled at by you guys and laugh it off then get yelled at by my ex, and cry it off
alphamale Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Her father would probably beat her ass if she stayed with you. or worse, light her on fire
VJohnson32 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 You are not getting it dude... i cant believe you are obsessing over that girl so much, plus you have went out with that girl for 2 months as far as i can recall. This aint that long, psychologically it takes half of the time you have spent with that person to forget about them (not completely but emotionally). So theoretically if you do NC for a month you are good to go!
depplover_1980 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 You are not getting it dude... i cant believe you are obsessing over that girl so much, plus you have went out with that girl for 2 months as far as i can recall. This aint that long, psychologically it takes half of the time you have spent with that person to forget about them (not completely but emotionally). So theoretically if you do NC for a month you are good to go! That rules stuff is bulls h i t. Each person takes as long as they need to move on, though I admit some need more guidance than others. We're not robots, we're humans.
WTRanger Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 You are not getting it dude... i cant believe you are obsessing over that girl so much, plus you have went out with that girl for 2 months as far as i can recall. This aint that long, psychologically it takes half of the time you have spent with that person to forget about them (not completely but emotionally). So theoretically if you do NC for a month you are good to go! Actually the short term relationships are some of the harder ones to get over. Simply because when it ends it is still during the time when your body is flying high on lovey-dovey endorphins and sunshine. You haven't really begun to find something annoying about that person yet, and as far as you know they still poop rainbows. So just because it may have been short, doesn't mean a person can't still be rock to their core about it ending. But back to Shawn. It may have been religion, maybe not. As much as it sucks, just try to accept it as over. You don't always need to find the answer, because the more you look the more questions you dig up. This soon in a breakup, answers are just keys to more questions.
Duckduckgoose Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 She told you upfront that you not being a Muslim means that it wouldn't work out, you were already waving that red flag to her. Then the "blowup" or fight you described. She probably thought it best to cut her losses now and find someone closer to her religious background and maybe one who was a little less jealous or whatever it was that made you mad. Just a small pointer; getting blown up on early in a relationship is a feeling killer for most all women.
VJohnson32 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 It has nothing to do with being human or robot, however i said "theoretically". The effect varies depending on the person but the brain is wired exactly the same way in each and every individual. All feelings and emotions are controlled by one organism, the brain. And the brain functions by only one principle, self preservation. The more attached you are to that person the more memories you share with him/her in your brain, if you have spent a considerable amount of time with that person and they all of sudden disappear from your life memories kick right in to hold on to dear hope, since we all share visuals and basically live our lifes on pictures, sounds and noises and when we lose that significant frame of our life we switch on panic mode. Just like a computer when it loses a system file and it cannot no longer works properly until its fixed or replaced with another file. So what i meant by that was that you have to over-write the memories ... and thats why no matter what you do how you do it what pills you take what movie or song you listen to the only real pill to forget and get over somebody is TIME, its cliche but true, only time heals. And this is only a theory but it does makes since ... most recent events in your life usually take over the old ones and just pushed them down until nothing particular is happening in your life when they all of sudden appear and we again feel the pain. But with NO CONTACT and with lots of time everything will just be pushed down so deep that will rarely ever come up.
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