PasserBy Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 This one seems to get more complicated the more I think about it. I started with a new company a year ago now and during the interview one of the girls stuck out straight away. Once in the job (she works in another team but just across from me) we wouldn't talk that much but it's always smiles etc etc. Before I say anymore, she is engaged, about to be married in a few months. On a recent night out we ended up back at a party for a few nightcaps and one of the guys started a conversation about who on our floor they would like to sleep with. The question came to her and she said me. Then it came round to me and I said her (I was going to anyway). Apparently the whole night she was talking about me and admitted to the girls that she would like one last fling before she gets married and would like it to be with me. Now people are planning the next work night out so they can make it happen. Now she's a bit embarrassed to even look at me in work now since then but it's the classic scenario for me where you like someone, find out that they like you too then you seem to like them even more as a result. I haven't been able to get her out of my head for the last week. The story with her fiance is a bit of strange one in that he seems to have very much under control (sets her budgets with her OWN wages, bills her for things) and according to others has cheated on her before and some even believe he still does now and that she deserves a hell of a lot better. She told the girls that she thinks he's a bit of love rat, but she has quite low self esteem and some have said that she thinks this might be her only opportunity so is clinging to it regardless. I know that people are just looking out for me and they probably manipulate the truth but it's got to the stage now where I need some kind of closure on it for me more than anything else. I've got my morals and I'm adamant that I'm going to take a step back and not do anything, I like the girl too much to do it as purely a one off thing. But I don't know what might happen if come this next night out the alcohol takes over, i'm torn between my morals and desires. Advice??
EyesWideOpen Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Don't drink. Really...don't drink. You definitely don't want to wind up doing something you regret simply because you got intoxicated. And, I hate to be so blunt...but she's a grown woman who is making the choice to get married. Regardless of her self-esteem issues, his (rumored) short-comings, or the fact that it could be a giant mistake...she's chosen to marry this guy, and undoubtedly has her beliefs and reasoning (right or wrong) of why she needs to do it. You can't change her thinking for her. She would have to do that on her own. Let her go.
Amys Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Huh. I thought my answer would be obvious from the title, but in reading this, I can see your dilemma. I agree you should definitely NOT drink. You don't want to cheat with her, or help her cheat. This is definitely NOT the way to go. I think her engagement sounds terrible, but I am not her, and you probably don't have all the information either. You might be getting a tongue-in-cheek filtered version of their romance. She might like being in a relationship with a guy who tells her what to do and what she can spend. Maybe that's how her parents functioned and she's comfortable with it. It's not your place to judge her or her finance. If you are in love with her to the point where you feel like it is worth it to try and win her, then you need to be prepared for the consequences of confession, which are likely to be disastrous. First, she might (and probably will) be horrified and reject you. For all you know, she was just 'talking'--nothing serious. Second, you might have to quit your job since you work together. Third, if she is serious about 'having a fling' before getting married, then she really does not value committment and won't like to value it with you any more than the guy she is with now. All and all... I would advise that you leave her alone.
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