freestyle Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 http://n-continuum.blogspot.com/2008/08/intentional-infidelity.html All I can say is, "YIKES!!" That sad part, is, I've known people that will use this as a weapon....
Author freestyle Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 I thought they all were intentional. With all due respect, BNB (and I do have great respect for you ) I have to disagree with that---I don't believe every WS deliberately sets out to inflict emotional distress on their spouse.(just some of the more messed up ones) I don't think they all set out with an attitude of, "Well, I'll show her/him!Hmmpf!" I do believe there's a fair amount of affairs that are a result of poor boundaries between opposite sex friends/coworkers---things get out of hand and cross the line---and the BS's feelings aren't even a blip on the radar. I'm NOT justifying that--or excusing it--(it's still wrong in my book) I'm merely explaining that I believe it's not always intentional.
bentnotbroken Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 With all due respect, BNB (and I do have great respect for you ) I have to disagree with that---I don't believe every WS deliberately sets out to inflict emotional distress on their spouse.(just some of the more messed up ones) I don't think they all set out with an attitude of, "Well, I'll show her/him!Hmmpf!" I do believe there's a fair amount of affairs that are a result of poor boundaries between opposite sex friends/coworkers---things get out of hand and cross the line---and the BS's feelings aren't even a blip on the radar. I'm NOT justifying that--or excusing it--(it's still wrong in my book) I'm merely explaining that I believe it's not always intentional. I understand what you are saying, my opinion is if you lie or hide a relationship...it is intentional.
Woggle Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I generally agree with this article but I hate how infidelity is treated as something that men do to women when in reality there are many betrayed men as well.
Author freestyle Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 I generally agree with this article but I hate how infidelity is treated as something that men do to women when in reality there are many betrayed men as well. actually, Wogs, if you read the comment section below the article, that issue is addressed---the author does mention that women can be just as nasty about it.
Woggle Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 actually, Wogs, if you read the comment section below the article, that issue is addressed---the author does mention that women can be just as nasty about it. I saw that and I think she is sincere but this one sided view gets to me.
Author freestyle Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 I understand what you are saying, my opinion is if you lie or hide a relationship...it is intentional. Now this statement I will agree with. Once an affair has begun, the decision to maintain it is intentional--- I think what the article is addressing however, is people who set out to cheat on purpose....They don't already have an OW/OM in mind, but they'll go out looking for one, and find one,just to 'get back" at their spouse. meh---we might be splitting hairs here, Bent.
bentnotbroken Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Now this statement I will agree with. Once an affair has begun, the decision to maintain it is intentional--- I think what the article is addressing however, is people who set out to cheat on purpose....They don't already have an OW/OM in mind, but they'll go out looking for one, and find one,just to 'get back" at their spouse. meh---we might be splitting hairs here, Bent. We good.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 and not being emasculated???? Elizabeth Edwards seemed like a wonderful person, a great mother and highly intelligent and loved by many. However I am sure John saw a different person and there were definitely demons and issues she dealt with (death of a child). This article sounds one-sided and the whole story i am sure is much different then the one the author paints.
whichwayisup Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I understand what you are saying, my opinion is if you lie or hide a relationship...it is intentional. There's intentional selfishness and intentional malciousness. I would like to believe that most affairs are selfish intentional..That is unless it's a revenge affair, then it's the latter.
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I thought they all were intentional. It's an intentional accident, you see.
Author freestyle Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 It's an intentional accident, you see. that was vaguely specific. Specifically vague?
PorkRinds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 The problem with articles like that is they've got so much politics in them it detracts from whatever point about relationships the author was trying to get across. Men were cheating on their wives (and wives on their husbands) long before Rush Limbaugh or John Edwards. The author wants to make her husband's cheating a reaction to her being a strong, assertive woman (like Eliz. Edwards). Since plenty of men have cheated on plenty of non-assertive, more "traditional" women, I can't really buy that aspect of the article.
WorldIsYours Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 With all due respect, BNB (and I do have great respect for you ) I have to disagree with that---I don't believe every WS deliberately sets out to inflict emotional distress on their spouse.(just some of the more messed up ones) I don't think they all set out with an attitude of, "Well, I'll show her/him!Hmmpf!" I do believe there's a fair amount of affairs that are a result of poor boundaries between opposite sex friends/coworkers---things get out of hand and cross the line---and the BS's feelings aren't even a blip on the radar. I'm NOT justifying that--or excusing it--(it's still wrong in my book) I'm merely explaining that I believe it's not always intentional. Lying and cheating on your spouse is always intentional.
wheelwright Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I can agree that an A can be a passive aggressive move in a R. To draw attention to the power to leave without actually leaving. Or even to draw attention to the WS's power for other reasons. Which may be ones they need to show to themselves rather than things they need to point out to BS. Like I am unhappy in the R, but when I tell you nothing changes. So I WILL MAKE IT CHANGE. Or I WILL DO SOMETHING to make self happier. Even if it doesn't have much courage, this type of act does at least allows a put upon indidvidual to consider themself first. Most of this passive aggressive stuff happens subconsciously anyway - few PAs are able to admit to it. And we all do it to some degree. On the other hand, some WSs are narcissists who will s**t on all and sundry. Because they like doing that. I choose to believe those people are a minority.
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