DollyGirl12 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Everyone has come here for one reason or another to deal with a relationship issue or a break up. I actually started reading the forums here about 7 months ago, when my breakup was still very fresh. I only recently signed up for an account and have started posting. Like so many, especially in the beginning, I was extremely hurt and in so much pain. My ex bf, if he hadn't already, was planning to cheat on me, emailing personals at Craigslist, looking up escort services, and probably more that I never knew about. I hurt and I cried and I was angry and I still felt love for him, all at the same time. I call it the mixed bag of emotions. I pretty much burned all bridges. In the back of my head I wondered what I would do if he had contacted me, although, with burning all bridges, I knew that would not happen. First of all, he lied and lied and refused to take any responsibility for what he did. Second, he tried to turn it around on me, telling me I was psycho (gaslighting?). Third, he contacted my 17 year old daughter, telling her what happened, which, at first, made her very angry with me to think he would do something like that (she changed her feelings very quickly however, thank goodness). Fourth, he showed absolutely no remorse for the pain he had caused me. I had to change the lens on my camera to show me the big picture. I made a list of the pros/cons. I had found more things out after everything happened, which pretty much sealed the deal with me. Maybe someday I will post my whole list, but here are a few things. 1. He was dishonest with me in the beginning of our relationship, as he was still actively in the dating scene, while telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me. 2. He was 34 and still living with his mother. One minute he'd have his arms around her doing the "I'm your favorite son" thing, and the next he'd be screaming at her for not rolling up the cereal package the right way. Yup,,,,the way they treat their mother is the way they will treat you. 3. He has a "slew" of female friends. These are not friends that he kept in touch with all the time, long time friends, many are women he had met online. I don't think he would have appreciated it if I had 60-70 men in my phone address book??? Whatta ya think? 4. After the fact, found that he had hundreds of personal@craigslist emails stored in his email address book. Guess he probably didn't realize that when he was sending emails they were being stored. Kinda gross and creepy. 5. Pick, pick, pick, pick. He was constantly picking at something. One time I set my coffee cup on his desk. My arms were full and I needed to put it down so I could unload my bags. He looked at me so nasty and grabbed the coaster to put it underneath. If a minuscule of a cigarette ember flew by in his car he'd start complaining about me smoking in it (he was also a smoker). Needless to say, he was the only one that smoked in one of my bathrooms and I have 5 burn marks on one of my rattan tables, and one burn mark on the toilet seat. He also spilled his coffee or ice tea on at least 4-5 occasions all over my living room rug when he bumped his glass from the table. 6. He had a disability, back injury and failed surgery. So that meant he couldn't do anything I guess. He would leave huge messes on the counter, all his dirty dishes. I once asked him if he could at least put his dishes in the dishwasher when he had his midnight buffets! He was taken back as it was to much for him to bend over to do that. Yet, at his mothers house he had no problem bending down the lift the heavy cast iron pans when he wanted to cook something. Ok, there's more on the list, but that gives you an idea. What I had to do when things ended was take a good look in the mirror. I did love this man. I really felt for him for what he was going through with regard to pain. I was there for him all the time. And with regard to the Craigslist stuff, would I be able to look at myself and like myself if I had taken him back. Sure, I missed those special moments, but I had to realize that was not him, or that there were 2 of him. I did not want to be that woman that went back and then felt anxiety on a daily basis wondering what he was doing behind my back. I did not deserve that. I deserved so much better. I didn't want to turn in to a super sleuth checking up on what he was doing. That is just to exhausting. I had to realize that he had a problem and I could not fix it. He has to acknowledge it (which he never will because it almost seems as if he believes his own lies) to be able to fix his life and better himself. I had to tell myself that going through the pain would bring me to peace at some point. And slowly, but surely, it has. Although I haven't felt like dating, which is by choice, I know at some point when I am in the dating mode, there will be that wonderful someone that comes along. It will, at some point, happen for all of us.
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