headsinclouds Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Hi, I'm new so I appreciate any advice. I dated someone last year for 3 months on a casual basis. He had been hurt very badly in a past relationship, so he is hesitant to get close to someone. He is a great person with very many good qualities, and I didn't want anything serious either, so I was fine with dating casually. However, around the 3 month mark I started developing feelings for him, I told him and I broke it off. For the next 3 months we weren't getting along that well, I genuinely believe he had started developing feelings for me as well, and things were a little weird. We were still friends though. I decided to move on from the situation and started dating again, and he immediately came back. We had a very serious conversation where we openly expressed our feelings and eventually became intimate again. Everything was going fine for a few weeks, and I felt that we might be headed into a relationship territory. Then I blew it. We were out one night and I had a bit too much to drink. I started getting jealous that he was talking to another girl. I don't remember part of the evening, which is scary. I called the next day to apologize and he didn't return my call. I ran into him a few days later and I gave him his space and he eventually came up to me. He said that I said some very mean things to him and he wanted to be left alone for a little while. He caressed my arm and then we both walked away. I feel AWFUL. I genuinely care about this person and I am truly sorry if I said anything to hurt his feelings. I feel terrible about drinking so much that I would act in an uncharacteristic manner. I have no idea what I could have said, but acting jealous is bad enough. I'm not going to contact him, but we hang out in the same social circle. Is there anything I can do to show him that I'm really sorry and I care about him? I'm scared I permanently freaked him out. I am taking actions to work on myself so something like this doesn't ever happen again. I appreciate your advice.
robinseggblue Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 However, around the 3 month mark I started developing feelings for him, I told him and I broke it off. . I don't understand this-could you explain?
Author headsinclouds Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 I called it off because he was not ready for a serious relationship, and I couldn't continue to date him casually because I was developing feelings. He has a lot of walls up and I felt like he had time to get over his issues and now I blew it.
robinseggblue Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Making mistakes sucks. That's for sure. But that's what they are-mistakes. I have made mistakes, and I know what it feels like to be in your position. But I'm sure he has made mistakes in his life too right? I think he should know what it feels like to be in your position too. Without being whiny, I think you should let him know how very sorry you are-again. A sincere apology goes a long way. I know you have probably already done this, but think back to when someone has really hurt you in the past-If they apologized more than once, didn't it seem like they meant it more? Sometimes, if someone apologizes just once, it comes across like they are only doing it because they know that they should. I think the key though is to not sound too desperate when you apologize, if you know what I mean. Time heals things. Eventually, more good memories of you will be replacing this bad one, and the more good memories that happen, well they will overcrowd the bad ones in his mind hopefully. Just make sure it doesn't happen again. You say you are working on it, so that is great. Don't worry too much. You WERE drunk after all. It's not like you said whatever it was while you were sober! Also, I think I would be extremely curious to know what I had said....
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