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Posted

So me and this guy have been the best of friends for 4years, the last year and a half we have been constantly together we sleep at each others houses every night we tell each other we love each other we kiss and cuddle and do everything together..

 

But one night we had been drinking and I had this emotional conversation with a guy I had just met that mostly went about the situation me and this guy are in is just frustrating and I should do what makes me happy,, well that guy was there that night and ended up passing out so I decided to cuddle on the couch with the one I had the convo with. It leaded to kissing which eventually led into having sex. .

 

I never told my guy about it and a few weeks later I snuck out of my guys house to see the one I had the conversation with my intentions were to just drive around and talk but once again it leaded to more and we had sex again.

 

Then a few weeks later after that I snuck out again just to go have another talk and watch a movie we didn't go all the way again but stuff did happen.. I came back home after and cuddled my guy before I drove him to work. .

Later that night the guy I had conversations with told my guy everything that had happened ..

 

My guy wants to work things out with me and so do I.. I feel so terrible for what I had done just the biggest thing that bugs him was my sneaking out and at the same time still kissing him and telling him I love him.. He just wants some advice on the situation and what to do.

Posted

I dont understand you, do you even like your partner let alone love him? You cheated on him more than once, you seem so blase about it. What's the matter with you, you go for advice from someone you cheated with, then do it again. That was bad enough, if you loved your man you would have felt so bad and realised what you had done and been destroyed. Then you did it again!

Posted

The advise he's looking for is to dump you.

You're a mess I don't even know why he wants to work things out.

You'll probably continue to *sneek out* to supposedly go chat with other guys you know very well that your only intention was to sleep with this guy time and time again there's no point staying with your bf if you don't understand why you did this.

Posted (edited)
So me and this guy have been the best of friends for 4years, the last year and a half we have been constantly together we sleep at each others houses every night we tell each other we love each other we kiss and cuddle and do everything together..

 

Does that include sex as well? Or is this a 'Dawson and Joey' thing (i.e. innocent love)?

 

But one night we had been drinking and I had this emotional conversation with a guy I had just met that mostly went about the situation me and this guy are in is just frustrating and I should do what makes me happy,, well that guy was there that night and ended up passing out so I decided to cuddle on the couch with the one I had the convo with. It leaded to kissing which eventually led into having sex.
.

 

Can you be more specific: what exactly is making you frustrated?

 

I never told my guy about it and a few weeks later I snuck out of my guys house to see the one I had the conversation with my intentions were to just drive around and talk but once again it leaded to more and we had sex again.

 

Then a few weeks later after that I snuck out again just to go have another talk and watch a movie we didn't go all the way again but stuff did happen.. I came back home after and cuddled my guy before I drove him to work.

Later that night the guy I had conversations with told my guy everything that had happened ..

 

That's really dishonest and how you could even think about pretending this was ok is beyond me.

 

Does this 'other' guy know 'your guy' then? Are they friends? And would you have told 'your guy' if it hadn't been for him getting in there first?

 

My guy wants to work things out with me and so do I. I feel so terrible for what I had done just the biggest thing that bugs him was my sneaking out and at the same time still kissing him and telling him I love him.. He just wants some advice on the situation and what to do.

 

Questions:

 

1. What exactly do you want from a relationship? What do you expect? And what do you feel you deserve?

Seems like you have serious self-esteem issues that you need to work on.

 

2. How old are all of you? Because you all sound like you don't have enough emotional maturity to understand exactly what a loving, caring, committed relationship involves.

 

I also find it interesting that you don't use the term 'boyfriend' or 'partner' and instead you chose to use 'my guy' as if he's your possession, yours to do with as you wish. Is he a 'friend-with-benefits'?

 

Start being honest with yourself. If 'your guy' isn't man enough to dump you, then start taking responsibility for yourself. And that means either choosing to stop seeing this other guy/sleeping around. Or leaving your boyfriend (if that's what he is) altogether.

Edited by ALonerAgain
  • Author
Posted

So me and this guy are not dating we are pretty much just 'friends with benifits' I been trying to be with him for 2 years now and he hasn't been ready for a commitment and when I heard someone else telling me that this situation between us has been frustrating it made me think stupid things like why on earth have I been hanging around on someone whom doesn't even wanna make a commitment. So I do admit I did things for the wrong reason.

 

This other guy and my guy are friends and now neither of us talk to this other guy because we wanna make things work between us. We're all in our early twenties.. & yes we do sleep together as well.

 

I was going to tell him eventually when the time was right. As for what I did when it was all happening I didn't see it as me doing anything wrong because we have only been classified as friends to everyone we have ever met so it's not like we were in a relationship so I didn't see it as cheating until after he had found out about it and we talked it out. For both of us it's a confusing situation.

Posted

If he doesn't want to commit and you're happy enough to sleep with someone else then clearly you don't care enough about wanting only him as a partner. He doesn't seem bothered enough by you sleeping with his friend either. Why don't you just go your separate ways, it seems neither of you would be terribly hurt if the other was gone. Either you sit down and commit completely and discuss what has happened or You move on and start afresh.

Posted

If there's a specific and well-understood lack of a commitment between the two of you (i.e. despite the last year and a half, he's stated that he doesn't want a relationship), then you didn't cheat. Cheating requires (a) a mutual understanding of exclusivity, and (b) physical or emotional actions by one of the partners that are contrary to that exclusivity.

 

Having said that, sneaking out of one guy's bed to go fyck another guy is pretty tawdry. Relationship or not. Pretty disrespectful.

 

What I really don't get is what, exactly, your "guy"/FWB wants to "work out" between you and him. Get back to how things were, with you and he having sex but not having a commitment? Sounds easy enough. Unless the new understanding is that you and he sleep together, but don't sleep with others. Which would pretty much equal a relationship, wouldn't it?

  • Author
Posted

well he has wanted to date but he has big trust issues with ppl so he wanted to trust me completely before he would commit. i never seen it like that till all of this. he is one of those guys thats not very emotional but when he found out he was so upset he cried and he wants to make us work because im the closest person to him and he said im his first love and he just cant let me go just like that.

Posted
well he has wanted to date but he has big trust issues with ppl so he wanted to trust me completely before he would commit. i never seen it like that till all of this. he is one of those guys thats not very emotional but when he found out he was so upset he cried and he wants to make us work because im the closest person to him and he said im his first love and he just cant let me go just like that.

 

Well, ok. so he has trust issues. You've been 'together' for a few years - what what was/is he doing to overcome these trust issues during this time?

 

He has trust issues - what makes you/him think that he'll be able to trust you now after all that's happened?

 

See, this is why honesty - from both of you - always pays:

 

If you had both been upfront about what you both wanted; expected and feared then you wouldn't have resorted to playing mind-games (that is 'assuming' and growing frustrated) with each other.

 

It's all very well that you are physically there for each other. But if you both can't express your inner feelings and frustrations, then there's no point in you being together.

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