Lorelei_Lane Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Okay, if it's IMVU, I would really say something to her. From my understanding, that place is used mostly for hooking up with people... sort of like an interactive eharmony or match site, ya know? Either way, it seems you've tried many times to make her feel special and she's rejecting you... it's not good.
Author Scorpio6913 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Okay, if it's IMVU, I would really say something to her. From my understanding, that place is used mostly for hooking up with people... sort of like an interactive eharmony or match site, ya know? Either way, it seems you've tried many times to make her feel special and she's rejecting you... it's not good. Oh great! I remember her telling me that people there would meet up at someones place to F_ck, but she claimed she never did... What should I say to her??
Lorelei_Lane Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Just that although she finds it harmless, it bothers you what these guys are saying to her. I'd take it from there honestly, if she's not willing to consider your feelings... nip it in the bud. Don't waste your time on someone that's not going to consider your feelings if they're doing something that bothers you. As much as that sucks... but you have to look out for you. You're more important. That's the way you have to be to be respected by those around you, and those you love. *hugs* I hope things work out for ya, I know how much it sucks to feel the way you feel right now.
Author Scorpio6913 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Just that although she finds it harmless, it bothers you what these guys are saying to her. I'd take it from there honestly, if she's not willing to consider your feelings... nip it in the bud. Don't waste your time on someone that's not going to consider your feelings if they're doing something that bothers you. As much as that sucks... but you have to look out for you. You're more important. That's the way you have to be to be respected by those around you, and those you love. *hugs* I hope things work out for ya, I know how much it sucks to feel the way you feel right now. Thank you so much Lorelei for your insights! After you told me about IMVU being more of a dating site, I googled it & came to the same conclusion.. It freaked me out, so I texed her asking the name of the site she is actually on, to be sure - no response I know that she'll probably call me at work tomorrow, being aloof, how should I broach this??
PegNosePete Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Personally; I would let her go. It's not appropriate to do this behaviour. She has a major boundary problem. If you were doing what she is doing, I'm sure she would not be amused AT ALL.
Author Scorpio6913 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Just that although she finds it harmless, it bothers you what these guys are saying to her. I'd take it from there honestly, if she's not willing to consider your feelings... nip it in the bud. Don't waste your time on someone that's not going to consider your feelings if they're doing something that bothers you. As much as that sucks... but you have to look out for you. You're more important. That's the way you have to be to be respected by those around you, and those you love. *hugs* I hope things work out for ya, I know how much it sucks to feel the way you feel right now. Hey Lorelei, I hope you & Macaw Are still around? I spoke with her tonight and told her that I thought what happened in the private room was bothering me. She says that sex talk is everywhere on online games, in other words she was down playing it. She said that it's been 6 months that this type of thing has happened again & that the guy was a jerk & she disconnected. She also said that if I was going to make a big deal of this then whatever.. I told her I wasn't, but that I thought it was discusting. She explained that she is on there for the role playing, which I understand & she reiterated that she does this instead of being bored watching TV all the time. How would you suggest I handle this now? I haven't told her that I think she seems addicted yet..
PegNosePete Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 She says that sex talk is everywhere on online games Bullsh*t. It's there if you go looking for it or encourage it. If you're there for the game then you play the game and talk about the game. That's not to say you can't find friends and talk about other things (hell I met my ex wife on an online game so I know all about that), but to say sex talk is everywhere is just rubbish. It's there if you want it. If you don't want it then you just don't do it, and don't associate with those who do. If you have healthy boundaries then it really is that simple. She also said that if I was going to make a big deal of this then whatever.. Sounds like she doesn't really respect you or your feelings very much. Real considerate of her, "whatever". Would she actually care less if you dumped her? She explained that she is on there for the role playing Bullsh*t, she is on there for the attention she gets. Roleplaying does not equal sex talk. Unless she is roleplaying some kind of slut character, in which case you have to ask yourself, why would she want to roleplay a slut? How would you suggest I handle this now? I haven't told her that I think she seems addicted yet.. Tell her that what she's doing constitutes emotional cheating and if she doesn't stop it right now then she is dumped.
Author Scorpio6913 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Bullsh*t. It's there if you go looking for it or encourage it. If you're there for the game then you play the game and talk about the game. That's not to say you can't find friends and talk about other things (hell I met my ex wife on an online game so I know all about that), but to say sex talk is everywhere is just rubbish. It's there if you want it. If you don't want it then you just don't do it, and don't associate with those who do. If you have healthy boundaries then it really is that simple. Sounds like she doesn't really respect you or your feelings very much. Real considerate of her, "whatever". Would she actually care less if you dumped her? Bullsh*t, she is on there for the attention she gets. Roleplaying does not equal sex talk. Unless she is roleplaying some kind of slut character, in which case you have to ask yourself, why would she want to roleplay a slut? Tell her that what she's doing constitutes emotional cheating and if she doesn't stop it right now then she is dumped. Thanks Pete, I actually sent her an email after posting here last night ending it with her. I've gotten no response...
ComputerJock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 IMHO I think it was the best move you could make, if she values a game over your relationship, then you need a new girl friend who doesn't play games.
Lorelei_Lane Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Hey Lorelei, I hope you & Macaw Are still around? I spoke with her tonight and told her that I thought what happened in the private room was bothering me. She says that sex talk is everywhere on online games, in other words she was down playing it. She said that it's been 6 months that this type of thing has happened again & that the guy was a jerk & she disconnected. She also said that if I was going to make a big deal of this then whatever.. I told her I wasn't, but that I thought it was discusting. She explained that she is on there for the role playing, which I understand & she reiterated that she does this instead of being bored watching TV all the time. How would you suggest I handle this now? I haven't told her that I think she seems addicted yet.. The sex talk is NOT everywhere in online games, unless you are involved in it. I've played MMORPGs for six years, and the only time sex talk is involved is if you put yourself into the situation. The only time I put myself into the situation was with my husband. So... you connect the dots. If she thinks that you are "making a big deal of this" then you need to drop her. She's not worth your time. I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but it's better you find out who she really is now and not later.
Author Scorpio6913 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 The sex talk is NOT everywhere in online games, unless you are involved in it. I've played MMORPGs for six years, and the only time sex talk is involved is if you put yourself into the situation. The only time I put myself into the situation was with my husband. So... you connect the dots. If she thinks that you are "making a big deal of this" then you need to drop her. She's not worth your time. I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but it's better you find out who she really is now and not later. Hey Lorelei, I did send her a email ending it, saying that I was going to send her a email with my concerns about our relationship, but due to her lack of etiquette/concern or regard with me, that whatever we had is now over. I wished her the best. I did not even get a response.. Is this because she is afraid that I'd ask her to give the game up, is she angry, did she not just give a ****, or is it because she has other options online??? I really just did it out of anger & as a wake up call because of everything else she has/hasn't done & I really would have liked to have discussed those concerns with her, but nothing... It really hurts if it was all because of a addiction...
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 IMHO I think it was the best move you could make, if she values a game over your relationship, then you need a new girl friend who doesn't play games. quoted for pun
Lorelei_Lane Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Hey Lorelei, I did send her a email ending it, saying that I was going to send her a email with my concerns about our relationship, but due to her lack of etiquette/concern or regard with me, that whatever we had is now over. I wished her the best. I did not even get a response.. Is this because she is afraid that I'd ask her to give the game up, is she angry, did she not just give a ****, or is it because she has other options online??? I really just did it out of anger & as a wake up call because of everything else she has/hasn't done & I really would have liked to have discussed those concerns with her, but nothing... It really hurts if it was all because of a addiction... To me, the fact that she's not responding makes me think she feels guilty and was pinned in the corner, so to speak, because you called her out on her bull. As much as it sucks for the relationship to be over, it may be the best thing in the end for you. If she is ignoring your emails because of all this, she wasn't really all that considerate of your feelings in the first place I would just take it as is and move on. There are plenty of girls out there that wouldn't ignore a guy that wants to spend time with them
Author Scorpio6913 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 To me, the fact that she's not responding makes me think she feels guilty and was pinned in the corner, so to speak, because you called her out on her bull. As much as it sucks for the relationship to be over, it may be the best thing in the end for you. If she is ignoring your emails because of all this, she wasn't really all that considerate of your feelings in the first place I would just take it as is and move on. There are plenty of girls out there that wouldn't ignore a guy that wants to spend time with them Hey Lorelei, Well, unfortunately I broke down & texted her : "I apologize for being harsh, would like to talk with you, would you?" I felt like I had to take the chance to try and re-open some dialogue. No Response... That was Saturday. I just wanted to re-establish contact & then try to establish better communication so I wouldn't act so immaturely again (breaking up by email). I never did express my other concerns about our relationship & feel bad about that. A woman (and a man) I know, suggest that I do call "Ex" because ex is pissed with how I did it & being told from friends ect. to ignore & remain no contact unless I call (Plead?). That makes sense & I nearly did call today & tonight. They say that I should do it for closure because of the pain I feel. I've heard by others on different websites who feel about closure being a woman's need only, but I really wonder about that.. I'd so much like your thoughts on this...
ComputerJock Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Maybe the reason she has ignored you is not that she feels guilty, but has hooked up with one of the male players and they are playing for real.
PegNosePete Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Closure comes from within yourself. There is nothing your ex can say to give you closure. Your ex owes you nothing and you should not chase them to get answers. You will only be disappointed and left expecting. You need to draw a line underneath it in your life and move on.
Author Scorpio6913 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Maybe the reason she has ignored you is not that she feels guilty, but has hooked up with one of the male players and they are playing for real. That thought has crossed my mind & makes me feel sick to my stomach..
AuthenticBliss Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Hi Scorpio, I am not familiar with whatever RPG is, but dating is when you observe behaviours to decide if the girl would make a suitable mate. (It is not really a time to try to change another's behavior.) As such, if you are not comfortable with her behavior, then she's not a suitable mate. Good luck!
Rosa Tamora Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 The problem is that she is not showing me much affection, I cannot handle another rejection when I try to get romantic. So how does her imforming me of her activities actually work in her favour? I completely agree with you that she's on there for attention & self-esteem boost, I'm at a loss as to how I can help with that. Hey there! I think the key here is understand that you actually are not responsible for her self esteem boost. People have to do that on their own. You are probably feeling helpless because she rejects you when you want affection because she is busy gaming etc, so then what and how does this relationship benefit you? Relationships are supposed to make your life better, not worse! Anytime you tell your partner something bothers you or hurts you, they should respond with empathy and kindness. Of course there is the initial maybe 15 minutes of "what do you mean?" and space for pissyness, but if they really really cared about you, they wouldn't brush it off with "you;re making a big deal out of it". what the heck is that! Don't put up with this. You know you deserve better. There are a ton of girls out there who will appreciate your attentiveness. You want something solid, a REAL relationship. And this girl does not. Simple! LET her have her RPGs, they will amount to nothing and you will be happier without her!
Author Scorpio6913 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Hey there! I think the key here is understand that you actually are not responsible for her self esteem boost. People have to do that on their own. You are probably feeling helpless because she rejects you when you want affection because she is busy gaming etc, so then what and how does this relationship benefit you? Relationships are supposed to make your life better, not worse! Anytime you tell your partner something bothers you or hurts you, they should respond with empathy and kindness. Of course there is the initial maybe 15 minutes of "what do you mean?" and space for pissyness, but if they really really cared about you, they wouldn't brush it off with "you;re making a big deal out of it". what the heck is that! Don't put up with this. You know you deserve better. There are a ton of girls out there who will appreciate your attentiveness. You want something solid, a REAL relationship. And this girl does not. Simple! LET her have her RPGs, they will amount to nothing and you will be happier without her! Thanks for reading & responding Rosa, you are absolutely right! I hope you are feeling better about your break up, we both deserve better!
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