irc333 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I was wondering, are some people turned off if the guy who asked you out, you found out they had a thing for Asians or Latina? I was reading this online profile of an attractive African American woman, very pretty, in her profile she said, "If while on our date if you make a remark like, 'I've never dated a black woman'" That she'd end it right there....because she think you're implying you're only dating her because of her race or you have some wierd "fetish" for her race. I would think it's a bit presumptous to think so. But do those remarks turn you off? Like, "I've never been with a <insert race nationality>" implying that you're just with the person for THAT reason. What was kind of a double standard on HER part (in the profile) she goes, "I'm attracted to Asian men mostly, hehe" I was like "oh okay, it's okay for her to have a affinity for a certain race/nationality, but not okay for a white guy to date her because she's black". She said when she dates, she doesn't "see" race, she sees everyone as equals, which is good, (her profile even hase "Race: Unchosen" - she didn't even CHOOSE what race she was) however, apparently any IMPLICATION made by a man that she's dating that has ANYTHING to do, "Hey, never been with a black woman before", she just assumes the guy's motivation to be with her, was for THAT very reason. Apparently, you can have an attraction for a certain race/nationality, but best to keep it to yourself? Wouldn't you think that's a little too presumptous to assume that? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Just ignore her as she sounds a little crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I was reading this online profile of an attractive African American woman, very pretty, in her profile she said, "If while on our date if you make a remark like, 'I've never dated a black woman'" That she'd end it right there....because she think you're implying you're only dating her because of her race or you have some wierd "fetish" for her race. I would think it's a bit presumptous to think so. In addition, perhaps she just doesn't want you to make a conversation out of her skin color. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I've dated guys before who have said s*it like the woman mentioned in her profile and it really turns me off. It makes me feel like some experiment or fetish. I wouldn't put that in my profile though--the fact that she did makes her come across really negative and that's not attractive. When dating online you should keep your dealbreakers unwritten and use them as your filter when going through your mailbox and IMs. I have previously admitted to a preference myself, but I would never put that on my dating profile or bring it up while on a date with a guy, particularly if the guy represented my preference. I've gone out on dates with a Russian guy; I never said "I've never dated a Russian before." Sheesh. It feels crass for me to just write that; I don't know how people let it come out of their mouths. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I'm only halfsies, but I do get Asian fetish guys hitting on me from time to time. Totally gross. And comes down to wanting to be seen as an individual, too. I don't even think I like it when someone says "I like to date brunettes" or whatnot. People may have preferences, and it can be noted later. I mean, there are certain features I find myself attracted to a lot, but I wouldn't put them in a profile or comment on them to a new person I'd met --- "Hey, I love to date guys with curly hair," even sounds weird to me. So it's not even just about race. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I don't think it's a big deal. People have preferences, period. Expecting a world where people DON'T have any preferences is unrealistic. And, if a woman somehow has an thing for Asian men, or anything about me that gives me an advantage over other guys, I will gladly take it, provided I'm interested in her too. But hey, that's just me. Maybe I'm wrong to have this relaxed attitude about it - I care more that it works over how or why it works. But tigressA is right. It's about the presentation. After reading that woman's profile, I'd move on. As with any woman that lists a bunch of "requirements". Link to post Share on other sites
elaina Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) People do have preferences true. Edited March 26, 2011 by elaina Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Well after we'd been talking for awhile, my boyfriend did tell me that he really has a thing for black girls which was fine. It's a preference for him, but I know he wants more than just skin colour. He needs a great personality under that skin to be happy with that person, and I think that's what alot of people want to know when they mention things like that. They want to know that although you are attracted to their race more so than others. That you're dating them for who they are as a person and the skin colour just happens to be more like a bonus. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 I go for exotic looking women. So Latinas (No Chongas), Desi Girls, Darker Complexion Asians, Lighter Complexion Black women, Red Haired or Brunette/Black Haired White women. Out of all these, I rarely go for Black Women. My grandma (a black woman) actually thinks I don't like them lol. And out of all of these, Latinas and Desi Girls drive me up the wall. *drool*. No fat women allowed. Mixed myself, with 4 different ethnic backgrounds so the exotic look is something I bring to the table, and would like for my partner to as well. Can't do plain ol' boring run of the mill typical American Look women. Link to post Share on other sites
ReturnToSender Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 I can understand where shes coming from...though it sounds hypocritical, its not the same. I lhave dated and been involved with more white guys than any other..and for the most part, the guys Ive been involved with were attracted to and dated mostly black or latino women. It just wasnt a big deal...we were attracted to each other and thats that. On the flip...I have come across guys who have said what I feel is the dreaded "Ive never dated/been with a black girl before" and yes...it isnt so much about "Im attracted to you", but "Im curious what it will be like to be with you" That is a huge turn off. Its not just observation alone, but through years of experience, and also having talked to other black women who have been through it so many times as well...back in the day while young and it was new to me to hear this, I didnt pay it mind, but it never ended well and Ive learned its always a huge red flag to this guys intentions... Yeah when you see it rarely or hear it, its like..whats the big deal? But being someone who has heard so many guys say it and its always some fetish/curisity/deep down thought of "the darker the berry sweeter the juice? I wanna find out!" thing going on in the guys head. To that I say, go experiment with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 That's wrong to assume just because a guy said he never dated a black women before to assume she's an experiment. But I personally can't see myself saying that to a black woman--what could possibly be the positive point of saying something like that? It's "racial". And disquieting. And grounds to indeed take the attitude she did. A woman is not a unit of blackness. Link to post Share on other sites
ReturnToSender Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 That's wrong to assume just because a guy said he never dated a black women before to assume she's an experiment. It may be wrong to assume but its happned to me enough times that Id rather not even take my chance on a guy who would say something like that. Every single guy who did was more interested in the fact hed never been with a black girl and saw me as his "chance" than he was interested in me specifically. For awhile there, my favorite follow-up line was...so will any black woman do? ...thats really what it feels like. But I personally can't see myself saying that to a black woman--what could possibly be the positive point of saying something like that? It's "racial". And disquieting. And grounds to indeed take the attitude she did. A woman is not a unit of blackness. ...much appreciated. This is exactly how any decent guy would feel about saying something like that to a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 I'm white and pretty much only attracted to white men. ::shrugs:: I really don't care what people think of me, I know what I like. Link to post Share on other sites
interfuse Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Some of the responses in this thread made me laugh. I'm an Asian 100% Chinese female that's basically only attracted to white men. Link to post Share on other sites
ReturnToSender Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Its not at all a matter of who someone is or isnt attracted to...its the negative connotation in saying "Ive never been with a *** before" and what comes with the person who thinks to say something like that... What it boils down to is "I want to be with you cause Ive never been with one of you before" is offensive...and after youve heard it way too many times its downright annoying. See the difference at all? Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Doesn't bother me. I only date non Asians. My preference is Latinas, and Latinas' least common preference is Asian men (according to online OKCupid research at least). If they want to go interracial they usually go for white guys. So most of the women in my past, I'm the first Asian man they have ever been with. Doesn't bother me one bit. I'm the winner, why should I complain? Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 With regard to all the guys I've dated, I was the first mixed-race (black/white) girl they had ever been with. Like RTS, in my early naivete I didn't mind much when someone said that, but it never ended well. In my experience, guys who said that to me later revealed themselves to have a greater negative bias toward races other than their own, than guys who never mentioned it. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I've never dated a black, Hispanic, Asian or Indian woman. Why would a woman be offended if I mentioned her race? Odds are where I'm from, they all were born in California and the only difference between them would be external. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 She probably just doesn't want to feel like a novelty; something that's fun simply because you "haven't done it before." I can't say I blame her. Link to post Share on other sites
interfuse Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Its not at all a matter of who someone is or isnt attracted to...its the negative connotation in saying "Ive never been with a *** before" and what comes with the person who thinks to say something like that... What it boils down to is "I want to be with you cause Ive never been with one of you before" is offensive...and after youve heard it way too many times its downright annoying. See the difference at all? Yes I do. Sorry, I just felt like stating what I liked lol. Link to post Share on other sites
P&R Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I've only dated a black girl, and an Asian girl never my own race hahahahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
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